How can i teach my 18 yo daughter to be more grateful?

Question

My daughter turned 18 in Oct...i have raised her on my own and have always set an example of charity and that there are others less fortunate...be thankful for what we have, not dwell and complain about what we dont have..lately though she has been acting spoiled and stuck up..her b/f has bought her a beautiful necklace for x-mas and she is going to hate it..she has dropped out of hs(her sr year) to take it at nite cause she "cant handle the pressure"...refuses to seek treatment for her emotional problems and is very hard on me although i try my best (im on disability)...in the past i have turned to the community to help teach her(ie,had her talk to police when she didnt understand that hanging around kids who do drugs she can still get in trouble) and had her volunteer at childrens hospital helping her learn how her good health is a blessing and it has worked...not sure how to teach an 18yo to "be nice" though...any suggestions?? thanks

Answer 1

i know this isnt the answer ur looking for... but thats something ur daughter is going to have to work on her own.

Answer 2

Very simple, when a child gets to this level and becomes out of control, you need to take a stand. I learnt a little trick in the army. It is a break down technique. You become very hard on you r daughter by taking every single privilege she has away from her. Car, allowance, TV, TV Games, Boyfriend everything. This won't be easy in the beginning she will fight you. But in the end if you are stern enough with her you will notice your little girl coming back around. When this happens you start rewarding her bit by bit. You can give her movie privileges with her boyfriend again, or let her watch a couple of shows on TV. Then she will learn how to be grateful again. If a person loses everything in life. You quickly learn how to appreciate what you have.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Well, I have been where you are with my now 23 year old daughter....when she was 18 she moved out......I was on the verge of booting her out. She was very disrespectful. She would come home drunk.....we let her move back in a couple of different times after that incident....she was working and we put her money in the bank to help her save for her own place. She ended up hooking up with a loser and both of them lost there jobs. We wouldn't let her move back in. She had to find her own way.....and Today she is very grateful for what she has....she is working at JC Penny's and pays most of her own bills along with her boyfriend....so sometimes tough love is the only solution....otherwise she is going to keep on stepping on you....You sound like a very caring Mom.....she will have to grow up some.....maybe some counseling for the both of you would help.

Answer 4

I think you have to make her take a hard look at herself in the mirror. It's really hard to get through to someone stuck up and conceited like that...it's just the age too...but seriously...this is where they get into trouble without intervention. Just get her more involved with good people. See if you can get her into some kind of leadership program with kids at camps or something...so she is away for the summer...better to focus on getting her "straightened out" than school because it sounds like she is just dropping out anyhow...you can always resume that later.

Maybe there is more going on at her school than you know...talk to her, find out exactly what is going on...be a friend...help her to put herself in other people's shoes and make her see how she is being spiteful or hurtful, and you should tell her don't you dare make your boyfriend feel bad....if she does yank it out of her hand and give it back to him and tell him she doesn't deserve it and to get his money back.

Frankly at 18 you'd better get her to listen or to get her hiney out and get a job. It's not easy being a mother (and a father!) these days...you have to start young and keep them involved with the "right" people...girl guides was a blessing for my daughter and taught her so much and now that she's in high school she is just blooming and got all 90s in her first semester. Great school and great teachers but mostly it was instilling confidence and good self esteem and values you know? It's never too late to open doors.

The problem with kids today is they think they have it soooo bad...maybe if they could spend a month in Africa they'd come back "grateful".

Answer 5

You can't really teach 'gratefulness'(well, you can but you missed the chance to do it over the last 18 years..oops). A typical 18 year old is a spoiled brat, it's natural.

You could always not be nice to her....basically, treat her the way she treats others to see how she likes it. And she won't...

Answer 6

...as an 18 year old girl...I can tell you that the best way for her to become grateful for the things she does have is to let her drop to rock bottom. When she is in a dirty jacked up trailer with her life going down the drain, she is gonna appreciate all that she DOES have. I know its hard as a mom but the best teacher is experience. all you can do is hope she learns it early, and doesnt f up to badly.
My best wishes.

Answer 7

I would not worry at all. All teenagers go through phases of incredible self centred super ego, the world evolves around me. This is regardless of their upbringing weather it be fiscal, social, religious, they all go through a sort of sociopath stage. Most start younger and their is nothing you can do now. The work has to have already been done a long time ago and as you say it was, so she will eventually fall back on her upbringing.

Answer 8

t he hardness think to do is to put down the cup let them make misstake also you need to set rule no school no free rent no job no food you have let go of her hand and at 18 is a good time and stop give her money youre on disability good luck i have 5 kids and i know its hard but you can do it

Answer 9

it looks like u have tried ur best as a mother would. I think it is better that u let her realise that she is wrong and ur rite cause if u push into sth that she still can see then ur just wasting ur time and energy. I know it is hard as a mother but try to mak her understand if she doesnt let her do it her way till she gets her lesson n cry to u saying she is sorry.

Answer 10

No honey, you've done your best - really you have. It is society as a whole that has made her that way. I know, I have 2 kids myself. Its terrible! Just give her time, hopefully she'll grow out of this phase and be a better human. Good luck.

Answer 11

at 18 years old and you want to teach her to be nice? To late! She knows what is appropriate behavior and what is not. You have done the best you can, now its up to her, I know as a parent we what our kids to be an extension of us, but that doesn't always happen.