Since so many people were going to heaven God told St. Peter he could only allow 1/3 of the people who died into heaven. Three people appeared almost simultaniously, so St. Peter said great I'll just listen to all three of your stories, decide which is the most solemn and let that person go to heaven. The first guy says, "I live on the 20th floor of an apartment building and I heard my wife was cheating on me so I came home early today. My wife was in the shower so I started looking everywhere for the man, but couldn't find him. I went out on the balcony to consider my life when I saw the son of a ***** hanging on to the edge so I jumped on his hand, but he didn't fall so I got a hammer and crushed them, but as he fell he landed in some bushes so I took my refridgerator and pushed it off the edge. I felt so bad afterwards a killed myself." The second man said, "Well I had just settled down in my new apartment on the 27th floor when I stumbled and my new book went flying over the
2006-12-10 06:02:16 · 9 answers · asked by txsaxman91 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
balcony and in a mad senseless rush I jumped for it and as I fell I grabbed on to the edge of a balcony, but then all of a sudden this man comes up to me and starts jumping on my hands and then he smashes them with a hammer. I thought I was dead , but I landed in some bushes, and just when my luck was turning I see this huge refridgerator falling on me and now I'm here."
The third man says, "OK, picture this, you're hiding, naked, in a refridgerator.
2006-12-10 06:02:42 · update #1
One day a Jew, an Italian, and a gay guy were all killed in a freak car accident. St. Peter said well since we weren't really ready for you I'll let you go back down to earth but you cannot indulge in your most desirable pleasures. The Italian considered it and decided he could give up pizza so he went down to earth, the Jew promised he wouldn't pick up any more money off the ground so he went back to earth, and the gay guy said he wouldn't do it with another man so he went down to earth. 5 years later they all meet up and the Italian says, "man I can't take it anymore it's been 5 years since I've had a pizza" so he runs into the pizza shop and POOF he disappears. The Jew and the gay guy contuniue walking when they come upon a penny and the Jew says, "Man I haven't picked up one of these in 5 years" so he bends over to pick it up and POOF both the Jew and the gay guy disappear.
2006-12-10 06:03:13 · update #2
A very handsome and confident man walked in to a bar,and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman,he gives he a quick glance, and looks at his watch...
The woman noticed and said " Is your date running late"
No! he replies, I've just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it"
The woman asks "Why is the watch so special"?
"It uses alpha waves and telepathically talks to me" says the man.
"We'll whats it telling you now? she asks
"Well its says your wearing no panties? the man replied.
The woman giggles and say" It must be broken as I am wearing panties?
The man tap's the face of the watch and explains " Damn thing must be an hour fast"......"
2006-12-10 06:03:39 · update #3
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis. "The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway ... about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says.
2006-12-10 06:04:08 · update #4
"Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.
2006-12-10 06:04:36 · update #5
Anybody any good at crosswords?
This one has been driving me mad all day, "Part of a woman’s anatomy, 6 letters beginning with V and ending with A.
I had it on the tip of my tongue last night!
2006-12-10 06:05:03 · update #6
i know the one with the three men
it good
love you
2006-12-10 06:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Angel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too much information for one joke. It is a good joke, just needs to be trimmed down a bit.
If you have to add details, you can figure that a joke is to long.
2006-12-10 17:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by pistola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
those were pretty good! i like the first one the best though!
2006-12-10 06:14:37 · answer #3 · answered by foxfire730 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW, you should write a book....
Well, it seems like you have
2006-12-10 06:09:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
heard it too many times... noy funny anymore
2006-12-10 06:05:06 · answer #5 · answered by chloe. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow
2006-12-10 06:05:01 · answer #6 · answered by danna_lamberg 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
these were all pretty funny! each one made me laugh!
2006-12-10 06:07:26 · answer #7 · answered by J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
great
2006-12-10 06:13:17 · answer #8 · answered by CLARABELLE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was pretty hilarious. Rather entertaining, thanks so much...
2006-12-10 06:19:25 · answer #9 · answered by EbonyRose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋