ok my daughter is almost 8 and has never seen her dad, he was going to make it down for Xmas but is now in jail. after looking into what he is there for he will be going away for some time.
my daughter wants to see him very much, so my question is would you fly 5 states away so they could meet eath other. before it is to late.
2006-12-10
05:52:40
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37 answers
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asked by
jlw78418
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in
Pregnancy & Parenting
➔ Grade-Schooler
the hard part is that they have talked on the phone and all, and he was going to come down on the 18, and he told her over the phone that he would be there for Xmas. i am the one who had to tell her that he would not make it.
2006-12-10
06:07:59 ·
update #1
also he has wanted to see she for so long, but said that his life was not right to come down here, he had to think about what might happen ih he did, he was on the run, nit from the law but from people who wanted to hurt him.
i know that they both want to see each other, and i still love him too.
2006-12-10
06:11:57 ·
update #2
hmm, i don't think that it's good for her to see her father in jail. might affect her or something. but still it's your choice! parenting is about making right decisions too.
2006-12-10 05:56:20
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answer #1
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answered by Dirty 5
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Before it's too late? What, is he on death row or something?
Normally I would say NO a child should never visit a jail. Because the parent who's locked up has kind of broken their implicit promise to take care of them, right? But since your daughter's never seen this man, that kind of makes it different.
So she's talked to him on the phone and thought he'd be there for Christmas ... well, that does make me feel bad. But you have to fly five states away? Can you afford that? If you can, I think it would be a nice thing to do. But I do not think you should take out a second mortgage or anything to let your daughter see a man she doesn't know.
Honestly, if I was in your position I would be torn. So I understand you asking this. I mean, your daughter really wants to meet him; he's her FATHER. But then where has he been her whole life? And now YOU have to fly to see HIM? Even though he's in prison that just doesn't seem fair.
So ... if you can easily afford this and you're sure she'll be happy to see him, go ahead. If money is tight or you think she might end up traumatized, don't do it. You know your finances and your daughter better than I do. But if you can't go for one of those reasons don't feel bad about it. She's been alive for eight years without seeing him. She won't die if she can't see him now.
2006-12-10 09:16:02
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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My first thought is yes, But then I thought of all these questions: Do you have the $$? Will it require time off from work? Do you know for sure he wants to see her? Do you know for sure he will be able to see her? Is there any reason you think the visit would end up doing her more harm than good? I'm not asking for the answers, just saying that it's a hard question to answer given all the different parts to it.
But I also think that if you do forsee a time when it will no longer be possible for them to meet (as implied by you saying 'before it's too late'), that'd be another reason to do it. If she wants badly to meet him and doesn't get to and then can't, that might be very bad for her for a while.
I know I didn't necessarily give one straight answer, but hopefully it helped in some way. Good luck w/ your decision.
2006-12-10 06:06:12
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answer #3
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answered by reskyume 2
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If you hold her back, it will come back at you eventually, I would think that if you financially can not make the trip there would be more understanding, she needs to meet her father to feel complete, she may not know whats going on now but she will have these feelings as she gets older and as she grows and gets more mature you can explain those reasons for why he is in jail. Now is probably not the time to tell her why he is going to jail, at this age children have a way of saying things to other people that might put you and her in a uncomfortable position.
2006-12-10 06:05:20
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answer #4
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answered by Diana J 5
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No, I wouldn't. I only saw my dad every other year when we were growing up because we lived out of state and it was very tramatic for me and he wasn't in a prison. Tell her her daddy loves her and will come to see her if and when he can. He can write her cards and letters and call collect once a week or something. Why make the first time she sees him be when he is in jail? Talk about tramatic! Make her a great life without him and all of his drama. Life is hard enough without all the grownup crap shoved down a little girls throat!
2006-12-11 07:04:46
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answer #5
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answered by Marie 3
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NO!
If he really wanted to see his daughter he wouldn't have done what ever he did to end up in jail! You should just explain to your daughter that her daddy has done some bad thing's and because of that she can't see him.
Do you really want a criminal in your daughter's life as her roll model? I know I wouldn't want that for my daughter. You need to think about what is best for her. And I don't think that flying 5 states away to meet a criminal before he goes to prison is best for her! 8 year old's don't know what's good for them that's why you have to make those decision's for them.
Set a good example for her and tell him to stay out of ya'lls life!
2006-12-11 07:06:32
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answer #6
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answered by jenpoesavon 3
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If it were me:
I'd say no, I'm sry but she's 8 and he's never seen her... some dad. Its obvious that if he is going to be in jail for a long time, something serious happened, and I wouldn't have that negative influence around my children, but then again I'd never have let him start talking to her after that long either knowing that he was in trouble like that with the law.
2006-12-10 12:51:19
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answer #7
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answered by Trisha 3
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Surely you don't want your daughter to associate with a criminal whoever he might be to her. And he's also a loser, as far as I can see, no offence meant for you here, but he can't even fly these 5 states himself. It's for you to decide, but if I were you I'd explain the child she's yet to meet her father, if you get married (and surely tell her your spouse is her real father if you already are)
2006-12-10 06:00:19
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answer #8
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answered by Miami 2
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Yes, but only after having a serious discussion with her about the circumstances, about how she may feel, and with strong cautions. She is only a child, so no matter how irresponsible or bad her father has been, to her he is still her dad, and she feels a natural bond to him. In later years, if she finds out that you tried to keep her from him she may resent it, but if you fulfill her desire to see him, albeit under carefully controlled circumstances, she will appreciate that you did not keep them apart, but that clearly you had her best interest in mind by being cautious and preparing her for the meeting while still allowing it to happen.
2006-12-10 06:06:22
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answer #9
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answered by mandaj17 2
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This is a personal decision. I understand the child has an opinion, but your child is only eight. You are the parent, therefore the decision is ultimately yours in order for you to protect your child. Be as honest with yourself and your child as you can be and make the decision you feel is in the child's best interest and will keep the child from the least harm both emotionally and physically. It may hurt your child not to see her father now, but it may hurt more for her to see him taken away in handcuffs or for her to be present when the men who want to hurt her father finally find him.
2006-12-10 06:19:49
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answer #10
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answered by writergirl 2
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It's already too late. An 8 year old does not need to be meeting her father for the first time in Jail. No way.
2006-12-10 06:05:00
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answer #11
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answered by wyllow 6
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