how can i teach my daugther time management?

Question

she's almost always late, very slow in everything she does, very inconsiderate of the people around her, unorganized, what do i need to do as a parent? i dont want her to grow up this way, she's 14 now

Answer 1

Hi,
My advice is as followed,
1) sit her down and make clear that you are worried about her time management skills.

2) Do a little brainstorm with her why she thinks she has difficulties with it (easiest is when you have a concrete example that you can work with and use that in your "assessment").

3) Then look at all the factors that are contributing to this issue. Then decide together (!!) what factor you are going to work on, usually this would be the biggest "bang for your buck" (the factor that would give you the most change with the least amount of effort).

4) Then set up a plan to battle this factor (it can help to have a rewards system as well to reward good efforts and results)

5) Set a date to re-assess the situation and evaluate the progress. Have that meeting and go from there. If the issue isn't resolved go back to your brainstorm, maybe add some factors and start again.

Time management is very hard to learn or teach, be patient and know, it is very age appropriate to not have time management skills!

Good luck

Answer 2

Set ultimatums. You are her mother, and you have every right to be stricter.
If your daughter doesn't care now, then inform her of the consequences of not caring.
She clearly needs motivation, some drive, a passion for something.
If she needs a little push, perhaps you can give it to her. But YOU are her mother, and only YOU will really know how to go about it.
If she's so inconsiderate to you, then that's normal. She's a teenager, and she's comfortable enough with her mother to forget social politeness.
But if she is rude to people outside the family, or Grandma, then it's time to enforce rules. I am not quite sure what you mean by inconsiderate. Perhaps you are another mother who is overexaggerating the problems of a 14 year old girl. There are innumerable fourteen year olds who behave in this way, but turn out fine.
To support this, I give two examples.

Example #1 is currently 15 years of age. She is often quite rude to her parents, and even her grandparents. However, she retains good manners to people outside the family, keeping a good impression. She is involved in many activities, and therefore does not have enough time to keep her room clean. Her parents say that it is worse than a pigsty, it smells odd, and that it's ten times worse than a boy's room. However, she is doing decently well in school, and has a plan to change, as well as a normal social life, and some goals (that she does not necessarily share with her parents).

Example #2 is my own cousin. A year ago, he was extremely overweight, and was doing very poorly in school. All he did was eat and play video games. He never did his homework, and he never exercised. He recently went on a medical mission trip to Mongolia, in which he saw people less fortunate than him, people much more educated than him, and interacted with children who made fun of his weight. Right before this trip, his father had told him that he would either improve his grades, or be sent overseas, by himself, to study. When my cousin returned from Mongolia, he immediately devoted himself to studying more, and exercising. His weight has improved since then, as have his grades.

I am telling you this for several different reasons. Firstly, outside appearances do not judge everything. Secondly, you must understand that your daughter is a teenager, and this is most likely just a part of a several year phase, during which your every button will be pushed. Thirdly, there is hope! Your daughter can/will change with time! Fourth, perhaps she needs a push. Ask an outside influence. Maybe you are simply overreacting. However, if your trusted friends and relatives, and teachers are informing you that there is a real problem, then it is time to take action. Encourage, push, lecture. Don't overdo it. The more times you say something, the less effective it is (ie nagging).
What you are experiencing sounds quite within normal bounds, but as you have not given much information, and you cannot be unbiased (you ARE her mother), I cannot judge correctly. No parent wants their child to be slow, late, inconsiderate, unorganized, and unmotivated. But some parents are a little too concerned.

In the end, I wish you and your daughter the best, and am confident that you will know what to do to better your child.

Answer 3

It seems your daughter craves attention and by doing what she does consitantly gains the attention of others if not their approval. Self esteem is also an issue here . Unfortunately for you there is no quick fix, your daughter is also at the stage of development where establishing a sense of independece , autonomy , which can often mean challenge to parental authourity.
Using the argument of it being better for you in the long run generally has little effect at this age preparing for the future in general is not part of their psyche ,what is important is what will happen now.
If yuor daughters behaviour gets a big reaction from you then she' getting what she wants ,it's a power struggle. Don't react
Your daughter seeks structure but rebels against it because it is , to her, control .Praise positive outcomes , ignore setbacks , set consequences for actions without punishing , Ask her why is she late and disorganized and give her some sense of responsibility

Answer 4

Time is running out-

It sounds like your daughter doesn't have any accountablility for her actions.

With time management, you have to stay on top of your game. You have to be organized. You have to prioritize. You have to be able to make sound decisions. All these things are connected to each other and are vaulable tools for your daughter to use for the rest of her life.

MOM - try this with your daughter. Rather than debating with her. (You're wasting time)

Instead, why don't you set guidelines for her when she needs to complete something. And if she is not ready by the agreed upon time. You will have t start leaving without her. She will have to learn that the world does not revolve around her. If you want her to do better, you're going to have to get tougher.

Here's the drill:

In the mornings, tell her what time she must be ready to go out the door to either catch the bus or get a ride from you... if she's not ready by that time, you will have to force her to leave the house as she is. - "Time is up"!

You don't have to micro manage her. Let her decide how much time she needs to get ready in the morning, you're just setting the deadline time, and if she is not ready by then, she gets left behind.

Same goes with if you are planning on going somewhere for the day and she wants to come along. Tell her what time she needs to be ready by, and if she's not ready, just leave her.

After awhile, she will start asking you how much time she has before you leave her. Don't make decisions for her, just guide her along the way and stay tough.


Good luck

Answer 5

This is normal teenage behavior. Most likely, she'll grow out of it. As a mother, you can talk to her about what and why her behavior is wrong.
Gently explain that all the time she spends doing other things makes her late to get places. Tell her that while you respect that she wants to look nice before she walks out the door, she needs to start getting ready sooner. Let her know that when she is running late, it's rude to the people she is going out with, and it's rude to the people she is meeting somewhere. People don't like waiting on others, and she may find that her friends won't put up with it forever.
If going out as a family, send her to the bathroom first. That way the rest of the family can get ready as she primps and fusses for an hour (or more) over her appearence. Then she will be as ready as she can be to go out when everybody else is done.
Suggest ways that she can use as short cuts to save on time. Like picking out her clothes the night before, show her a faster way to do her hair/makeup/nails, etc...
Help her find ways to organize her room, bath products, and other areas that she uses. Hang outfits together in her closet, put all of the things she doesn't wear often in the back of the closet, put all of the personal products (makeup, nail polish, and hair products) in order of how often she uses them. Then she can find her favorite things quickly, and not have to rummage through the things she doesn't wear as much.
Get her a personal planner to help her set a written schedule about dates and times that she needs to be places and do things, like family functions, church, after school activities, etc... so that she can learn to plan the rest of her life around the regular events. She can write down everything from school work, due dates on projects, test dates, dates with her friends, social functions, and anything else in her life.

Whatever you suggest, you need to have patience. She is at that awkward age, and teens tend to rebell against their parents. If you yell, or try to set too strict of rules, you may find that her behavior gets worse.

Answer 6

Well...discipline her when shes late. But don't be too harsh because she just learning. When your around her and you see that she is messy, unorganized, etc. You should make comments like: (your daughters name), you need to get organized now, or its gonna hurt you i n the long run.

Answer 7

By example. You need to be a good time manager yourself.

The saying: What you do speaks so loud I can't hear a word
you are saying, is all to true.

Thank you very much, while you're up!!

Answer 8

flylady.net It teaches both adults and children organization skills.