How can I stop depending on others to make me happy?

Question

I'm finally willing to admit that I'm one of the most co-dependant people I know. I can't be happy unless I'm in a relationship of some kind and it's ruining my life. I feel like I'm going to end up driving one of my best guy friends away because I'm so needy and lonely all the time. I don't even feel like a whole person unless someone is affirming that I'm special/loved/worthy of attention. I have no idea what to do, but I know I'll never have a satisfying life or relationship until I change this.

Answer 1

First, get a career. Not a job, a career. That's what will truly define you. Once you can earn your own way through life, you will stop having to depend on men for financial security. (This will require post-secondary education of some sort.)

Next, spend more time with your friends. They're the ones who will always be there to prop you up when the going gets tough. Once you have that down, you won't need a man to affirm your worth.

Next, find some hobbies. Anything you can happily do on your own. Study up on something that interests you and join a club relating to that topic. Once you have a hobby, you won't need a man to fill your day.

Finally, step back and take a look at the rest of the women in the world. How many of us require a man to be happy? We have enough in our lives not to need them for anything. Sex? We have vibrators. Kids? That's what adoption agencies are for. Opening the door and paying for the meal? You're no weakling or vagrant — you are a woman who can take care of herself anytime. Once you've come to this realization, you won't need a man for anything.

And if you ever get worried, here's a valuable reading list:

The Feminine Mystique, Betty Friedan
Backlash, Susan Faludi
Singled Out, Bella dePaulo
Get to Work, Linda Hirschman

Answer 2

You need to find something that is for you and nobody else that makes you happy. I used to have tha same problem a few years ago.I just got up one day and decided that I need to be happy with me before I could even think about making anyone else happy.It won't happen overnight but it can sneek up on you.To get you started pick one day in the week that is just for you. Turn the phone off ,don't ask anyone to come visit.Take a nice warm bubble bath or hot shower and relax. Go rent a movie or find one on TV that you like and watch all by yourself.Instead of shopping with friends, shop alone.The more you do without someone attached to your hip the easier it gets. Independence comes with time and it also does wonders for your self esteem because you don't need anyone to do things with all the time.
Hang in there....you can do it.

Answer 3

I had a check out your different questions and you end all of them with that armour/steed/jousting factor. in case you waved a magic wand at me to make me happy, i might locate that truly stressful. So it would leave, then you truly does not be happy because of fact its form of like your signature. for each ying theres a yang, subsequently it relatively is impossible for each and each individual interior the worldwide to be happy on the comparable time. additionally, I agree that some all of us is in straightforward terms happy whilst they're depressing. i'm related to 3 of them.

Answer 4

You could try therapy to see the reasons behind why you are like this. ONce you know why finding a way to stop being codependant will be a lot easier.

Answer 5

u should rite down a list of stuff dat u can do by URSELF dat u will be happy..for instance, try out for something ur good at, lyk sports or drawing...wit succeeding in somethin u will be happy and proud of urself

Answer 6

If you KNOW this, then WORK on it. And I mean WORK. You know the problem, now start to resolve it in your own mind. NO ONE can change your life but you! Stop whining and get busy! You'll be fine.....