What can I do to make my kids listen and respect me.?

Question

My sons are 6 & 8. When we go places people tell me I have such good and well behaved kids, but at home it's a different story. In the mornings the six year old won't get up for school. I don't want to be late for work so I give in and get him dressed my self. When they get home from school they throw their jackets and shoes on the floor. When I tell them to put them away , they ignore me. They won't clean their room, they talk back, they yell at me, they fight with each other, they eat in their room, and if I buy them something, it's either broke or lost the next day. I feel like I am constantly YELLING at them and I don't want to be that kind of parent ,but it's the only way they'll listen. Now the yelling hasn't even been working. I've taken away the t.v, x-box, put them in the corner, sat down and had a eye-to-eye conversation with them, spanked them, offered allowence and nothing works. Please give me some suggestions on what I'm doing wrong.

Answer 1

It sounds like you have your hands full, but here are some suggestions to get a bit of order in your life.

1. The behaviors you mention need to be stopped, but make sure that you are not fretting over small stuff as well. Concentrate on the big stuff like disobedience and disrespect.

2. Don't yell at them to do things. Tell them calmly what you expect. If they don't do it, then discipline them. If they throw their coats on the floor, call them back to hang up their coats and have them stand in the corner for ignoring your rule about hanging up coats. (One minute per year of age.) If they talk back or ignore you, spank them and then put them in the corner for breaking the coat rule. Use this approach for other problems as well.

3. Be consistent. Don't enforce a rule one time but not the next time. You will be tired and frustrated sometimes and want to ignore their misbehavior, but kids need consistency. You don't mention a spouse. If there one in the picture, make sure you are both working on this. Don't take it on all alone.

4. Be sure to give them plenty of praise when they do something right. When they do hang up their coats, say thanks guys for helping me keep the house neat.

It will take some effort, but with consistency, you can have well-behaved kids at home.

Answer 2

You do not say if there is another adult in the house, but one thing I see is that yelling does not work all the time. IF someone yells at me I will just turn that off, so I just set up consequences with my kids if they don't do something it is automatic and stick to the consequences. No negotiating at all. Us as adults have consequences and most of the time there is no negotiating as well so teach the kids the way the real world will and it will go a long way. I have 7 kids and that is what works for me. I keep the yelling to when I am really bad and then they scatter knowing that they screwed up bad, it will be hard but it will be much better for your sanity later.

Answer 3

Spray him with water in the morning. The ear grab technique works if you are consistent. grab his ear walk him to his clothes, let go. grab it again walk to the sink, let go. When they come in the door, grabb it again, bend them down to pick their shoes and jacket walk them to where you want it to go. You don't have to say a thing. You know how you flick a marble? When they talk back, flick on the lips. When they yell, flick. Still you say nothing. No tv or xbox until the room is clean. Don't buy them nothing but blocks and legos. Christmas, birthdays and so forth. You can let them know why. When they fight make them stand and face each other forehead to forhead, for 5 minutes. Give no allowance unless it is deserved. I have 5 boys 11,9,6,4 and1. This technique works so well. and usually if one is getting in trouble, the other will scramble to do what they were supposed to do. before long you will see it is just getting done. may sound cruel but it really works well.

Answer 4

Be consistent in your discipline and stick by it. Witholding TV time and other perks is a workable plan but you must always been firm and consistent in your award/benefits system. You also must never do things in front of them that might cause them to disrespect you and I would consider smoking, drinking or be disingenious with friends. Kids are not much different than puppies at that age. They really want structure and will be happier if you give it to them. It should be no more difficult to struggle through putting your foot down and keeping it there than it is having to have to act as thier maid and dressing them. Raising kids is the toughest thing you will ever do but if you do not establish the family system at this age they will be a nighmare as they grow. Want the best for them? Sure you do and for them to succeed in school and personal relationships they have to understand that life is give and take and that good conduct begets rewards. Right now they seem to enjoy chaos and seeking easy ways of doing things and that will not carry them through life for very long. Good luck.

Answer 5

They sound like typical six and eight year olds. Positive reinforcement works way better than yelling or punishment, plus it also helps you to feel better. You could set up a chart system for both of them with multiple tasks on it. The rewards could be tangible or special time with you or fun places. You start out with reinforceing them more quickly and gradually expand the reinforcement time so that they eventually do things that you want with little reinforcement. For example, every time your one son wakes up on his own he places a sticker (if too old can just make a check with a marker) and if he gets three checks at the end of the week he can get a book or a toy, or go to the funplex. After he is successful a few times he then needs to wake up on his own five times a week (every day). After he is successful with that you can reinforce him every other week and so on. Same with picking up toys, just modify it so that they are checking the chart off multiple times a day. Every time he/she doesn't listen to pick up a toy they have to remove a check. (Start out small so that they don't get discouraged). Consistency is the key for success.
Kids become desensitized to yelling and the yeller needs to become louder and louder for it to have an effect. Eventually yelling has no meaning, the yeller sounds and feels like a nut, and the kids just tune it out. If there are no consequences then yelling truly is meaningless.

Answer 6

Yelling and spanking does nothing. You aren't being consistent enough with them. Your desperately trying to find something that will work and they sense that. Here is a great way to get their attention. In a firm tone, ask them to stop what they are doing? Your voice has to be somewhat low and annoyed in tone. When they refuse, say in a normal volume, I'm going to give you to the count of 5, if you don't sit down right now, you'll be sorry. If they test you again, march up to them and grab them with your thumb in between their collar bone and shoulder. It's a shallow depression. Try it on yourself first so you can understand how it feels. I grab them there and lead them around. So, let's say one of your kids throw their shoes and coat on the floor. Give them a warning. Then, count, and finally grab their shoulder leading them to the coat and shoes and tell them to pick them up. If they refuse, apply slightly more pressure to the spot. If they still refuse put them in their room. My kids prefer spankings to getting their shoulder grabbed. It doesn't bruise and it doesn't hurt them as bad as a swat on the butt. It's similar to a momma dog grabbing their puppy by the skin on the back of their neck. It gets their attention. James Dobson recommends it and I swear by it.
No matter what you do, be consistent. Another good way to make sure they listen is punish both of them when one doesn't act right. I did that once and now they yell at eachother trying to keep their siblings in line. Hope that helps!

Answer 7

call nanny 911
also don't talk ,just take action,if they leave there stuff on the floor ,pretent to throw it in the trash, if they eat in thier room ,take it back, if they break stuff make them work for the money to buy a new one ,so they can learn the value of a penny. if all else fails give them a reality check take them to homeless shelter and the ghettos and show them how others have to live and how good they have it . if thier room is messy just say clean this room and what ever is out of place goesin the trash. be harsh ,since the nice way does nt work.

Answer 8

A MUST HAVE book:

10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting
by Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D.

It is based upon YEARS of research... what works and what doesn't work when it comes to parenting and discipline. Couldn't recommend it more. Quick, easy, informative read.

Best of luck.

Answer 9

Structure.... Sounds like you lack it in your own daily routine so they have nothing to go by as far as expectations go. If a child has structure they learn self control. They behave in school because there are seldom any suprises that make for the kind of excitement that leads a child to get out of control. They sit, they work, they eat at a certain time, they do everything the same way every day, leaving little room for craziness.

When they get home it is a free for all! You have got to offer them bed times, tooth brushing and bath times, trash times, meal times... It is why people in the 50's and 60's were calmer...regimented and controlled enviornments work for kids. Let them do what they want and they will do what they want... what they want usually consists of chaos and anarchy!

The best thing about school is interaction and the teacher willingness to set up competition and use it to their advantage. People always forget that they are not only BIGGER than their kids (for threats and bullying) but that they are actually smarter as well (which makes the latter option unnecessary) ... They are easy little creatures to figure when you really sit and think about it. You have got to learn to include them in their own routine. Ask them what they like about school and come up with ways foir them to be interactive in their own routines at home. This way you trick them into thinking they have some control that they don't actually have.

Ask things like "When would you like to do the dishes? What time?

Where would you like to hang your coat when you come home in your closet or in the hall closet?

What time do you think the television should go off for the night?

How long do you think is fair for video game time?

as long as it get's done... who cares how it gets done or when...

Most parents dont have control in theor own lives and chaos is usually just easier to deal with than setting up enviornments that they themselves have to be involved with.

Lazy parents make out of control kids!

Answer 10

simple,


reward the good behavour, and when they listian to you

punish (however you feel fit) when they dont listian to you and disrespect you.


they will learn real quick trust me, whatever you do, do not "return fire" if they yell, dont yell back, they want a reaction out of you, their testing you. if you just punish them without anger or showing much emotion, they will learn.

i recomend at first you punish harshly, spanking, early bed time, taking away the xbox (for a week, not just a few days).