Is there a cure for being unhelpably lonely?

Question

I've never been really close to anyone. I become obsessed with celebrities and characters who I see as ideal mates, but I feel that I could never be close to anyone in real life, because no one is perfect and they could not live up to my standards; I could not trust them. Is there any kind of treatment that would just make the feelings of loneliness go away, and let me go on with my life without desperately wanting that perfect companion?

Answer 1

I think this happens more often than you know. Because our society is media and celebrity-saturated, its only natural that you base your standards for others on what you see around you. It may help to keep in mind that what you see around you is largely artificial. Celebrities are nothing more than normal people whose lives and appearances are tweaked and broadcast. Characters from movies and TV are nothing more than the imaginings of a group of writers who are trying to create just that, "characters" not real people, who are flawed and often uninteresting. What is at the bottom of everything is not that you are obsessed with celebrities, but that you fear real intimacy, which is often frightening because putting yourself out there to someone real means the possibility of being hurt. Everyone feels this, especially if you've been hurt before. Unfortunately, our culture makes it very easy to withdraw and isolate ourselves, which can be what creates the feelings of loneliness. What's important is to keep engaging in the real world, the world of hobbies, friends, school, work and volunteering and not to fall back on the comfort of media, which can isolate you. Keep an eye on your own humility as well, be aware that you yourself are just as flawed and likely to hurt someone as others are to you, but at the same time you deserve and have every chance of finding someone worthy of your trust and love. Good luck.

Answer 2

Try self hypnosis. I am no doctor, but you are being so hyper critical of the ideal mate is an exercise in futility, you won't find one, ever. You scared of being hurt, let down, disappointed, I don't know. Hey, we all got our damage, believe me, I am the first one to admit it. You know why I think my wife loves me 25+ years of marriage later? Believe me, it's not because I'm perfect, or the only thing to come along, it's because she doesn't set conditions. Hey, take the plunge, join the rat race, we are all rats. Yeah, you might get hurt, disappointed, but as the song goes, "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden." I wish you the best, but get off the computer and mingle. Chow.

Answer 3

I think the only treatment is not to judge people and stop watching all those tv junks and stop surfing and reading celebrity gossips.It's unhealthy,because in real life,all these celebrities are not as good as they project themselves to be.They need to sell themselves,of course they need to look good!Try to accept flaws in people.It makes us more human and not android like.Flaws are what make life more beautiful and more humorous,and once you embrace it,I think you'll love it.And don't be afraid to get hurt.Most often than not,people will open up feelings in you that you never knew existed.ALL THE BEST!

Answer 4

Purchase a Labrador Retriever and see a psychologist. It's nice to have high standards but not when they prevent you from experiencing a more complete life; high standards should help you, not hurt you. If the description of yourself is an accurate one you need more self examination. Good luck!

Answer 5

Realize that all the celebrities and stars you see are all given tons of make-up and airbrushing and that they have all the same revolting traits, behaviors and flaws you and everyone else who ever lived does. Realize that characters in movies and on TV are fiction they are not real.

Answer 6

Yes, there is a cure. Learn to love your own company.

Aloneness is enjoyable, but loneliness is caused by yearning for "the other"....
these are as opposite as night and day.