Why do black girls love hard?

Question

I have been in a relationship with a black man for 2years now. At first we dated on and off. For a year of our two year relationship, we decided to see each other exclusively. I felt as if I was a good catch. I am working on my Master's degree and he is blue collar brother that I respected and admired. To make a long story short, I found that he has a "solid" relationship with the mother of his children and a older woman who provides for him financially (and physically). We were planning on moving in with each other, he was shopping for an engagement ring, and we were both planning on spending the rest of our lives together. He spent so much time with me. Everyday we saw each other.

I try not to think about the resentment and hurt I feel. All I know is that I dont think I can trust, respect, or love another man period. I love black men so much, but it just seems to me as if they hate the very existence of black women. Someone tell me why black girls love hard?

Answer 1

Black women love hard often because they were missing fathers growing up. Either they had no father, their father was a bad father or their father was always absent from the home, working. Either way it goes, they never experienced paternal love the way they should have. So, they go out and seek approval of a man.

They think if they offer all of themselves to this man, that man will offer it back. But, it just isn't true. Black men grew up in the same types of homes Black women did: homes with missing fathers. They were either spoiled by their mothers or ridiculed for being just like their "sorry fathers".

So, what happens?

They either slip into believing that they can't escape that generational curse or they never graduate beyond a state of infancy. They expect more than they give and expect praise for behaviors which other groups of men know are the bare minimum. They live off of pipe dreams which they are never able to quite achieve. Moreover, they have the societal fear of the Black man to deal with. Meanwhile, Black women are driven toward financial and educational success out of a fear of poverty and marginalization.

Black men eventually feel emasculated because they look at their Black women and see that those women have done so much more and are so much more emotionally mature than they are, and they feel emasculated. They believe they are unfit to be the heads of any households with such women involved, and so they reject those women. Or they project their insecurities on them by being emotionally, verbally or physically abusive. Or they accept subordinate roles in their relationships with these women and/or use them.

I've seen it time and time again, but, Black women won't leave Black men alone. They have soft spots for Black men. They understand their struggle and know that nobody else can. They want to see them successful. They grew up as little girls looking forward to the day when they would find a good Black man and have a good relationship: better than the ones they observed growing up.

Besides, they read the statistics about how many Black men are in jail or uneducated or infected with AIDS or abandon their children. When they find a Black man who seems like he might not be some or all of these things, they feel like they'd better hold on to that "good" man. They feel lucky to have found him. They KNOW that their new Black man isn't like the Black men they've seen and known in the past. They believe that "this time, things will be different".

They latch on and start loving hard. When signs pop up that a Black man isn't on her level, the Black woman is patient. She gives her man more and more love. She puts her faith in that man and in the Lord: that He will solve that man's problems. And the cycle continues. Rather than learn from her errors and the similar errors she sees all around her, the Black woman decides she'll just love harder--that she'll just work harder.

She has pulled herself up out the trenches of society by working hard. She got through college and graduate school working hard. Frequently, she has raised a child on her own by working hard. So she believes that if she puts her mind at it, she can also find that beautiful relationship with that special Black man if she works hard.

But, frequently, it just isn't true.

Answer 2

Dude, you're just 19 yrs old. You have your whole life ahead of you to find a nice black girl. I know many nice black girls (sisters, cousins and friends). You have only dated white girls so you really don't know much about black girls at all. As the others have mentioned you can find a black girl in: colleges, churches, down south (southern states), African American cultural centers and events. Good question.

Answer 3

You should try a white guy, seriously white men that date black women treat them like queens trust me I know!