There is a girl whom i love more than anyone in the world. She was my classfellow and She was a very brilliant student. She won too many medals in academics (we were in a medical college together, becoming doctors). I told her that i love her two years ago and asked for her hand in marriage. She said she loved me too. She agreed but her parents resisted my proposal. She became so upset by her parents attitude and failed in a single postgraduate exam six times. For all this while i was with her, beside her, helping her, encouraging, loving and caring for her all this time. But just a week ago she messaged me and said that it's been me responsible for all her failures and told me that she's breaking up as our relationship was not a blessing rather is a curse as its hindering her progress in life. We broke up. I don't know why but all this while there was not a single day she didn't say "I LOVE YOU" 10 times. Do you think that in true love you blame the one you love for all your failures?
2006-12-10 04:39:13 · 42 answers · asked by Dr. Sam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If she failed her exam 6 times something is off more than just being in love with you or upset at her parents. It sounds like she has work to do on herself before she's ready for anything else. If that's all she gives you after 2 years, then I'm sorry. Maybe she's just taking it out on you like other people suggested. I'd say that she did love you, but I think you guys are different personality types. I love my boyfriend, I truely love him because of who he is, and I could never imagine doing that to him. That's also my personality though, I could never hurt anyone on purpose. I think you're the more giving personality, and she...I don't know what she is. What she said to you was pretty harsh, and you have every right to be hurt about it and upset at her. I think that you need to let her go and get yourself happy without her. Tell her that you're going to do that, and that you think she needs to figure things out (whatever you need to tell her) and if she ever gets things worked out and is ready for a real mature relationship, to give you a call. Tell her you'll always love her,.. whatever, but then keep going forward. She's being incredibly selfish right now and she needs to grow up. I'm upset that she did that to you and I don't know either of you! If she really loves you though, she needs to get it together, and figure out what she wants and not let her parents control her life. If they wanted what was best for her, they wouldn't do this to her. True love should be unselfish. Maybe there's someone better for you. Not better, but more of a fit.
2006-12-10 07:16:55 · answer #1 · answered by corinne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stay calm & contact her again after a week or so.As I gather both of you do love each other,so there should be no problems at all.May be she is feeling a little down due to her flunking the exams so many times,by blaming you she is infact blaming herself & I think it is nothing but a momentary impulse.In due time she will realize her mistake,you just need to give her some space & some time too.Just tell her that if she thinks you are the reason for her flunking the exam you won't contact her while she is preparing for her exams & she doesn't need to worry about your relationship (for now atleast) but do make it clear that you really love her & will always be there if she needs you (she really loves you she will contact you before exams & I am sure that will be the case)
After the exams contact her again,take her out on evenings for dinner or something like that & ask her about her feeling towards you.
Good Luck,I wish the two of you really patch up soon
2006-12-10 05:59:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you do need a break from the relationship as she is obviously frustrated at failing her exams all those times. You know there is a true saying, everyone blames or has a go at the people closest to them when things go wrong as they feel safe to do so. Take time out, tell her that you understand and tell her to study and pass the exams and that you will be there for her, waiting when she does. The parents obviously think that her mind was not otally on her studies and that is why they are angry. So just be there in the background waiting for her. If your love is meant to be, it will, if not, then both of you will move on. Time is a good healer
2006-12-10 06:09:25 · answer #3 · answered by rockandrollrev 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love seems to be the most lopsided thing in the universe it is so difficult for a situation to be such that each party loves the other the same way with the same depth. She sounds like she has a really hard time with failure, not only going thru it but taking her part of the responsibility for it. We often strike out at the person closest to us. You did not mentioned much about her sense of commitment to you only you to her. Maybe the situation was one sided all along or maybe her parents' lack of consent finally gave her a crutch to limp away from the relationship on. I use to council people with the advice that you only really love someone when you can want the best for them so much you are willing to let them go even when it hurts. If you really truly believe that you love her let her know in writing so she can access that info as often as possible then go on down the road. If there is anything there she will eventually realize how lucky she is and maybe how foolish she was to blame you also remember for someone who is capable of real, strong love and willingness to commit there will be thousands of women who will be drawn to that and there really is never just one perfect partner in this cast of millions. know in your heart that you did what you thought was right and offered her everything that you had and she somehow found that lacking it is more of a reflection on her than it is on you.
2006-12-10 04:54:24 · answer #4 · answered by doc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you WERE to blame, however indirectly, for her failures. Of course, her parents too. She was so upset about your engagement that she couldn't concentrate on her studies.
Looks like she just didn't love you the way you loved her, and it's possible that you pushed her away by trying too hard. You can't be too "love-love-love-love" on people all the time because then you'll smother them.
You should try to love yourself more and have better self esteem so that you won't be so insecure in your next relationship. Perhaps some counseling will help.
2006-12-10 05:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why she was so mean but being a girl i understand where she comes from. Maybe when you said i love you she felt pressured to say it back and i know you don't want to hear but maybe her parents helped her relize she wasn't in love. She was just in love with the idea the idea of marriage scared her and made her think. If you think its true love give her 3 to 4 weeks visit her with flowers and take to a romantic dinner. But hold of on popping the question again just see where the relationship goes first.
2006-12-10 04:49:31 · answer #6 · answered by Lovin life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will sound cynical but:
In true love you don't blame the one you love like this. She's one of those people I like to call users were she get all that she can get out of you when she wants to feel good, and once you've outlived your usefulness, they end it with no care about the others feelings, and blaming you about something that you weren't really at fault with is easy for them because they really didn't care about you as much as they claimed. And it's easy for them to say I love you's through out the relationship, but that doesn't mean they meant it the way you do. Move on and find a woman who really cares for real.
2006-12-10 04:45:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. if she had of really loved you she never would have let not having her parents blessing bother her to the point that she failed in her exams. She was responsible for not accepting the truth of not having a blessed marriage. And her own guilt drove her to failure. She should have loved you for standing by her.
2006-12-10 06:37:52 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dr. Sam, I'm only 17 years old and my girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, I doubt anyone would ever say we are in love other than ourselves, but there is only one thing i believe one can do when it comes to matters of love. If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its because it was meant to be, if not then it wasn't meant to be. I wish you The best.
2006-12-10 04:44:31 · answer #9 · answered by JP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not. But only the two of you know all of the details. Maybe you smothered her by cooing over her every second "Honey can I get you a drink? What's wrong? Can I rub your feet?" Or maybe her parents finally got to her.
Give her some space, maintain contact with her (not too frequently), and start thinking about finding a replacement.
2006-12-10 04:46:14 · answer #10 · answered by Quagmire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋