Lack of that special spark?

Question

When I was 18, I felt that I could take on the world. There was nothing I couldn't do and when I tried something, it would have a great outcome. I am in no way trying to toot my own horn but just the opposite. A year ago, my business sought after venture capital and after six months, they dropped us. Anyway, for the past six months I have just lost that special spark that allowed me to take on the world. Long story short, I've been seeing a therapist and while I've managed to overcome the problem of trying to get things done, that special spark just seems to be gone. I've been trying for some time to recover that without any luck. Any advice? I am now 28 and feel completely lost and a total lack of that special ability to take on the world.

Answer 1

I don't read anything here that leads me to suspect you are anything but normal and in no way unusual. One of the wonderful things about youth, though sometimes frustrating to those older, is our sense of the world being our oyster and us being invincible. While most of us don't experience the drop into hard reality quite as hard as you did, I don't see that being any reason for you to feel things so accutely. So you have discovered the world is a bigger place than you once thought, and your part in it is a bit smaller. That doesn't make it any less valuable a part, and it's certainly no reflection on your ability to make a difference. The only thing that affects that is you. Sure, you can throw your hands up and say you give up. You can convnce yourself that you gave it your best shot, and got kicked in the teeth. Then you can crawl into a hole somewhere and lick your wounds. Or you can simply recognize that at least you tried, and things just didn't go the way you had planned. Then you decide on the next plan of action, and start working on it. Maybe you won't feel quite as invincible as you did at 18, but then prudence and forethought are not exactly bad attributes. Some consider them hallmarks of wisdom, you know.
While you will never regain the brashness and self centered confidence in your abilities that you had at 18, you will be able to replace it with a more mature and purpose centered sense of direction. Self confidence based on experience will come, when you are ready to quit mourning the loss of your youthful exuberance and get on with the business of living your life. It's up to you to discover what talents you have, and how you wish to use them. When you decide what your passion is for, then you will find the drive and determination to take on the challenges returns. You don't start out with that sense, you gain it.
You aren't going to suceed at everything you try to do. That's life. Should you let it stop you from trying in the first place? You can, and that will at least guarentee you never fail again. But it will also pretty much guarentee you never suceed again either. And when you are really old, what you will have is regret. Regret for what you could have at least tried to do, regret for what your fears kept you from doing, and regret for opportunities lost. I'm sure you think at 28, your promise in life is pretty much shot. Except you are going to live another 50 or so years, possibly even more. If you throw in the towel now, you are not going to live those years, you are just going to exist in them.
By the way, a spark is only a place to start a fire. It's not the same thing as the flame. The fire takes work. It takes fuel, and it takes constant maintenance. You can't just keep striking the flint for sparks and expect to get heat unless you provide all that other stuff on a regular basis. You didn't lose your spark, you just expected too much from it. And you know, fires do go out sometimes, in spite of your best efforts. That doesn't mean you can't start another one.
As I see it, you don't really have a problem, you have a challenge. You got knocked by life, and you realize now that you aren't invincible. So okay, neither are the rest of us mere mortals. What you are now is a little older, a little wiser, and a little more experienced. So you aren't 18 anymore, you aren't 90 either. 28 is a little young to have a midlife crisis, don't you think? There is nobody out here with a bag of motivation and spark to give you, for that you just need to dig deep and find what you need for yourself. But to do that, you will first have to let go of the past. A spark is where you start the fire- it's not the end goal, if it's real heat you want.

Answer 2

You know, it's a rat race, and even if I win, I am a rat. You find the things that seemed to mean so much are rubbish at the end of the day. Why would you want the spark back? Ok, it's the money and promotion thing. Maybe you're finding out that what you thought was really important, isn't. That's fine. I use to beat myself up about it, but woke up one morning and figured no one will miss me, remember, or care once I moved on. Best of luck to you, chow.

Answer 3

You're just down and dissapointed right now and like you're a failure...it can be a devastating blow to a person who is used to being the 'conquerer type'. person...but remember, that when the going get's tough, the tough get going...pull yourself up by the boot straps, and move forward,...life is going to be full of ups and downs, even for the best of us...But if you continue to let this eat at you as a personal failure, you will never get going again...Just chalk it up as an experience, learn from it, and go on ahead and Kick the world's a**

Answer 4

You probably fell really hard after being dropped. It hurts because it can make you feel not good enough. i suggest you do tons of things that make you happy (skiing, going to movies) with friends of course. Talk to them maybe they can give u ideas to "get back in the game"
dont give up, u will find it :]

Answer 5

Only your perspective changed, which isn't who you are. You're the same then as now.

Answer 6

Try yoga. Seriously, it will help.