A thought is that when a woman divorces that she should'nt date and solely focus on raising the kids. I was married 20+ yrs, peacefully divorced 4 yrs. I'm age 50, three kids (two teens and one off to college). Adjustment to divorce is fine with all now...shared custody...kids have great relationship with both parents. When I date a I don't open the environment for any man to meet my kids till I know more of him and have the wonder if there will be a potential relationship building. Yet, some (society) have the thought of "Why are you dating, you should be focusing on your kids". When married, I had a relationship with a man (their dad) and still raised my the kids. Is a woman to put her heart on hold simply because divorce had happened ? Honest, even blunt, answers welcomed. Open to all opinions for insight.
2006-12-10 03:46:13 · 11 answers · asked by onelight 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
raising kids should be # 1 ,but you still need time for your self as a human .there's a time and place for everything.take 2 nights a month for you and only you.go out with friends or a male friend.your not dead.you need time to unwind.
your kids are old enough to understand.we all need time for our self.and don't feel guilty.I'm sure your kids go out with friends and enjoy time without you.so you go and enjoy life.you've raised your kids and now it's time for mom.
2006-12-10 03:59:39 · answer #1 · answered by hl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't use your relationship while married to their father as a comparison to how you would raise kids while dating a honey... it's hardly the same thing, primarily because your ex-husband was their father. A new guy in your life has a relationship with you, but is a stranger to your kids, and the dynamics of building that relationship, particularly when it goes badly, can be very damaging to your kids' security at home, to their relationship with you, etc.
Also, while you're developing a new relationship with a man, your focus is going to be heavily on that relationship and not as much on your kids... otherwise, how does the new relationship develop?
Though you're divorced, you and your ex have managed to make as secure a life for your kids as possible, which is wonderful. They have both of you available to them, and they really need that, particularly through the hazardous teen years.
Go ahead and date if you wish, for fun. You don't have too many years left until your youngest turns 18. Once that happens, you can turn much more of your focus on to developing a deep, meaningful relationship with a man. But until then, your teens still need as much of your attention as they can get.
2006-12-10 11:55:31 · answer #2 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know where you live, but that kind of backwards thinking is obsolete in the modern world.
Of course you should be dating. You deserve to be happy and to find a new companion. It's not like you're leaving infants alone at home for days at a time or something, and it sounds like you have clear boundaries between your dating life and your family life.
I agree that the kids should not meet every single man you date, not until there is something of a relationship there, and if you talk to them about it you might find that your kids are a lot more open to your dating than you might expect.
My friend (who's been divorced for 4 years) has teenage daughters and they set him up with women they like. He said it was awkward at first, but they're a loving caring family and the girls want their father to be happy.
In short - go for it. Date men, find a new boyfriend and be happy. You don't have to be in a home-made prison because of some ignorant fools.
2006-12-10 11:52:41 · answer #3 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After reading your question...twice...you seem like an intelligent woman. You've been divorced four years, one kid is off to college and I would think the other two are old enough to accept the fact that you have wants and needs also. If they are mid to late teens...go out and have fun. Early teens.....well...that could get touchy, get their concerns and thoughts, share yours, then make a decision.
2006-12-10 12:02:29 · answer #4 · answered by H.B.K. 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your doing just fine
.Get to know the guy before you bring him into the kids life
2006-12-10 11:56:29 · answer #5 · answered by workin_man66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be able to date and have some fun. You do the right thing by not introducing your children until you know the man well.In my opinion you are going the right way.
2006-12-10 11:52:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can still have a life of your own you no,
just because you are divorced does not put you out of the game
go for it and enjoy yourself gal?
2006-12-10 11:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by arthur3home 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask youre 2 teens if they think you should date then go from there.
2006-12-10 11:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hate kids, and I would never date a woman that has them.
2006-12-10 11:48:11 · answer #9 · answered by Poster22 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell them to mid their own buisness...you do what YOU feel is best...the whole thing about single moms not being able to care for a family it a load of $h!t. my wife was a single mom when we met...I was a single dad...
-Doc-
2006-12-10 11:51:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋