Why is my 7 yr old son still soiling his pants? He denies he needs the toilet - hates going.?

Question

He has periods of being a bit better but at present soils his pants up to 3 times a day unless we literally force him onto the toilet. He says he is not scared of the toilet. We attend an enurisis clinic and have tried star charts, sweets & money as bribes, punishing by no tv, toy bribes etc. He sits on the toilet with a book, legs on a stool etc. He is not constipated, we have been down the whole laxative route as well. It's possible it's just a power struggle but I want it to end!! He also wears a pull-up in bed and is soaking in the morning. We have tried desmo-melts to no effect. Dr says must fix soiling before getting a bed wetting alarm. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Any advice? I know I shouldn't punish/shout - we try not to but it is difficult not to get annoyed when he's screamed that he doesn't need it and then half hour later has dirty pants!

Answer 1

What horrible person suggested that embarassment idea! Awful. The kids that have this problem are embarrassed enough themselves! My darling boy is nearly 8 and still soils regularly - we've been down much the same route as you with no real effect. All I can say is that he seems to be getting better as he gets older - maybe it really is something they need to grow out of. A routine helps, no drinks after dinner, and I always let him drink fresh orange juice and eat lots of fruit as I am convinced diet has an influence here. I wish you luck and patience!
Jx

Answer 2

NEVER EVER use the embarassing route it will just make things worst, people should be ashamed of themselves if they go that route. There maybe an underlining medical condition see another doctor if your current one isn't do much, there may also be some mental problems, like his afraid to go, something has happened before when his been near or on the toilet about to go a poo maybe his been told a not to nice story about the toilet and poo'ing, there could be many reasons. You need to be patient and dont push things bribing children also rarely works. You may need to start right from the beginning with toilet training.
Please go and have a talk to your doctor and explain everything and maybe he could also refer you to a thrapist so your son can have someone to talk to and maybe he'll be able to tell this person why he does it. As i said before if your current doctor doesn't not do anything go see a different one and keep pushing the doctors on it. Your son is no different to the children who still wet themselves, many children up to the age of 10 do it.
Just be patient and don't keep yelling at him and punishing him everytime he does it, it will not help. Encouragement is the best way to go, find books that tell nice stories about toilets and when he does use one give him alot of praise.
Good Luck

Answer 3

Never use embarrassment! It is common for 7 year olds to have a hard time to want to use the bathroom.

My son is 8 and for the longest time we were so worried he would hurt himself. He would hold it so long when he did finally go he would poop blood.. The Dr. gave us some stool softener and said that most kids go through this (especially boys) and that we just needed to keep an eye on him.. making him sit on the potty regularly.. if he had to go or not...

He is finally getting better at just going to the bathroom... he no longer holds it to the point he's hurting himself...

Take him to the Dr. If he's soiling himself 3 times a day there is something wrong.. but never use embarassment.. that's absurd.

Answer 4

Have there been any drastic changes in his little life? Bullying perhaps at school? I would look into some thing that may be affecting him mentally! It is very unusual for a child of 7 to still be soiling himself. There has to be something deeper thats throubling him, especially since you have tried all the medical avenues. Perhaps when he has a calm moment, sit him down and try and discuss how he is feeling ... and ask him why he feels the need to soil himself. Sometimes the direct appraoch in a calm atmosphere, brings forth light. Good luck!

Answer 5

It is not normal for a 7 year old boy to need to go poop three times a day unless he is given food that cause it and I would discuss that with the doctor again. This sounds like an attention getting scheme. Until he can control his bowels you need to force him to sit on the toilet after meals or whatever times it seems to occur. I suppose that the doctor has examined him completely but i wonder if perhaps his muscles are very loose? I know of one parent who had an 8 year old son that had a similar problem and they started putting the boy only in a diaper and short tee shirt in the afternoon and he did not like that and he stopped on his own.

Answer 6

You have my sympathies, it must be so tiring for you. Try letting him clean himself up.... might be a bit messy in the beginning, but he isn't going to like doing it anymore than you do. I don't think the humiliation route suggested is going to help him at all. It sounds as though it has become an attention seeking pattern, so try taking all the attention away, when he does it, don't even acknowledge he has done it until he tells you, then offer him clean pants and wipes, put him in the bathroom, make yourself a cup of tea, and ignore him till he is clean. He won't like getting a sore bum very much either! I have no idea if this will work, but at this point I guess anything is worth a try.
Good luck

Answer 7

Do NOT try the embarrassment suggestion. How horrifying! Your child, like my niece probably had problems as a baby or toddler with gas and problem milk. When a very young child has pain with a bowel movement it creates a vicious cycle that is hard to overcome. They will try to hold back to avoid the pain and it becomes normal to them. Please don't punish him, he can get better. He may need to see a psychologist to overcome the fear that he doesn't even remember. Sometimes severe pain as an infant will cause emotional problems later and it can be helped. It can even cause night terrors and nightmares.

Answer 8

You should perhaps look at his diet. Food intolerances/allergies can cause problems like soiling (or encopresis as it is otherwise known). There is a very good website called "Fed up with additives" which gives information about food intolerances and their effects. He should also have a thorough medical examination to make sure that he is not suffering from problems such as candida (yeast overgrowth), leaky gut etc. Good luck

Answer 9

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Answer 10

he might have leaky bowel syndrome, try going to a diffrent doctor and see if it helps. bedwetting is noting to wory about at this age, but the soilling is. i used to do the same thing and when my parents finaly took me to a new doctor who told me what the probelm was and gave me meds for it, things got so much better. i never could feel when i needed to go, thus my parents though it was just denying it but i realy could not feel it. i lived with it from ages 6-13 and i wish my parents whould have found a good doctor before they just called me lazy and tryed to punsh it out of me. punshments never work if the child can not help what he is being punshed for.