My daughter is 3.
I have been with the man i will soon call my husband for almost 2 years.
Her real father has only seen her 3 times, and that was when she was really young (between 3-9 months)
Her real father is in the military.
At what age should I tell her, and what do I say?
She loves my finace, and calls him daddy.
Some family members of mine tell me I should never tell her, but I feel that is wrong. She needs to know where she came from.
But at what age and How do I tell her?
2006-12-10 03:32:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know now is too early to tell her.. I ment what age would be a good one?
2006-12-10 03:39:58 · update #1
Well, you have some pretty good answers so far, but I'll give it a shot with experience. First of all, I can tell you that it's not going to matter at what age you tell her about her real dad. It's going to hurt her. Kids don't start to truly understand situations like this until they are much older. I know this from first hand experience. You will know when the time is right to tell your daughter what happened. And please, tell her the truth. It will save the animosity of trying to hide the truth when she gets older. Remember, the truth always comes out in the end, so you might as well be honest with her. I don't agree with your family members sentiment. Your daughter has a right to know who her dad is. Eventually, her real dad will come looking for her, and that's something that you can't hold from her. You may want to try, but keep in mind the consequences that your setting yourself up for. Trying to hide the facts can keep your relationship with your daughter in turmoil for years to come. I know this from experience. It is better to be honest and forthright with her. She won't truly understand until she becomes a young adult, so, depending on how much you want to tell her, you may want to keep some things out of the conversation. I was 34 before I really found out what happened with my real dad and the divorce. It was at this time I found out that it was my mothers fault, and not his. So, I know that the questions will never really go away, they'll just keep getting more truthful, and for lack of a better term, more blunt, until everything is out in the open. If you'd like more information, IM or e-mail me, because I also have a daughter that is 20, who was kept from the truth all of her life, and right now we are trying to rebuild our relationship that we were kept from having because of family. God Bless.
2006-12-10 04:14:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you will know the age until you get there. It really depends on when you feel that your daughter is ready to hear the truth! You must be truthful with her. This is something that you can't tuck away like it didn't happen. She will only feel deceived and lied to if you keep this from her. She will know who her real father is even though he isn't her boilogical father. I know that you will make the right decision for your daughter! Good luck!
2006-12-10 11:40:13 · answer #2 · answered by Angel R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The day will come when she'll figure out that dates and such don't match up and she will ask questions. When she does, you tell her the simple truth: you chose poorly the first time, picked a guy who didn't want to be a father. Luckily, she has a daddy who loves her and chose to be her daddy.
Simple, straightforward, and when she's ready to handle the information without damaging her attachment to her daddy.
2006-12-10 11:35:55 · answer #3 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait until she is old enough to understand. she need to know that the guy you are with now isn't her real dad because her real dad will come back into the picture one day and if you don't tell her she will get mad at you for not telling her the truth. good luck. wait until she is about 8 to tell her.
2006-12-10 11:38:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
age 7, they can remember and wount get as mad when she 11-21. tell her you need to talk with her and say her daddy (ur fiace) loves her with all his heart and he will always be her dad but u have another dad he only came to see you when u were a baby,i just wanted to tell you these before it would be to late.
2006-12-10 11:37:01 · answer #5 · answered by Kelsyyy(: 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whens shes old enough to understand i would say about 8-12.
2006-12-10 11:35:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need to tell her now she is just to young. I agree that at some point she does need to know but not until she is much older. I wouldn't tell her anytime soon.
2006-12-10 11:34:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 8 would be a good age.
2006-12-10 12:02:00 · answer #8 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mother began bringing up her past storys about her and my father when i was about 17. i wasn't mad at her for telling me so late because i understand where shes coming from. she didn't tell me earlier because i was still young to understand and accept the truth.
2006-12-10 11:46:42 · answer #9 · answered by ! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe as soon as she can understand ...if you wait until later it may backfire if you dont and she could be very hurt by not knowing about her real father..how would you feel by not knowing?and you want to build trust as a parent so they can turn to you in any situation. trust is built by honesty.and she will thank you in the longrun...
2006-12-10 11:40:40 · answer #10 · answered by what??? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋