Do you think a guy should have any right to a child that he's never seen and she's 2?

Question

I met my husband when I was 2 months pregnant. We weren't married at the time and when my daughter was born he signed the birth certificate and voluntary acknowledgement of paternity papers (what a non married parent signs in our state to acknowledge paternity). She also has our last name. She's now 2 and all of a sudden her "sperm donor" tells me I should give him a right to see her and be a part of her life. She already has a father that's been there since day one and I'm not about to complicate her life for someone that never had the time of day to even call and see how she was or ask what she looked like all this time. Do you think I've made the right decision?

I talked to an attorney about it just to find out and he told me that it would cost him alot of money to get an attorney to take the case and for a paternity test. Plus he lives out of state so he'd have to come here to file it and even then he wouldn't have any visitation anyways b/c he doesn't live here. So I'm not worried about it. I just want to know what everyone thinks about the decision me and my husband have made.

She was premature too, born at 30wks and was in a nicu for the first 2mths and had heart surgery. My husband/her dad did cpr on her during the 2mths and brought her back to life once. She's now perfectly healthy so medical records from that side mean nothing. She hasn't needed them so far. And he wasn't there for her through all of that. Plus he used to be a big pothead back then that's why I didn't pursue him being in her life if he didnt want to be. He stopped contacting me a month after I told him I was pregnant. And yes legally my husband has paternity of her. That's why it would cost s.d. a lot of money to change that.

Ya the attorney told me that even if he paid all that money and found an attorney to take the case, he still wouldn't get visitation b/c he lives in another state and no judge would let him take her out of state away from me so I don't have anything to worry about. Yes we will tell her someday when she's old enough to understand, and then if she wants to it's her choice to see him if she wants but I doubt she will want to. My husband's a very good dad and has been there for the roughest time she'll probly ever go through in her life.

Yes he knew I was pregnant the day I found out. And like 2wks later he disappeared. If it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't have been able to take care of her b/c I couldn't have worked for the first 6 months of her life being that she was sick and needed constant care.

lol I call him the "sperm donor" b/c that's all he is, not because I went to a fertility clinic or anything. We went out then broke up then I found out I was pregnant, then 2.5mths pregnant I met my now husband.

Okay I'm only going to add to this one more time. Please read my details before you answer my question. I didn't leave her s.d. he broke up with me before I even knew I was pregnant. About 2-3wks after he left me I found out I was pregnant and told him the same day. He said he would be there for the baby, then about 2-3 wks later, he stopped calling me and disappeared and I couldn't get ahold of him. The next time he called me was when I was about 4-5 months pregnant and all he said was "Did she have my kid yet?" to my husband on the phone! We hung up on him and never heard from him again. He knew when I had her and never bothered to call or anything. She was very sickly for the first 6 mths of her life and me and her dad were the ones there for her, he even brought her back to life once.
I don't have to take s.d. to court and have custody taken away or any of that b/c as the courts go, my husband is already her legal father. I talked to an attorney I know how that goes.

Answer 1

we call my ex husband "the sperm donor" too, he hasn't seen
my kids since 09/02/92. My kids already have a dad, my 2nd husband, he taught them how to swim and ride bikes, he took care of owies and boo boos, read to them everynight. The SD recently went to court in the state he lives in trying to get his back child support dismissed (as of Friday, he owes me $99,627.54). He was told He'd have to come to Tx since that's where the divorce and child support order were drawn up, but since he has outstanding warrants for attempted kidnapping (my kids) and attempted murder (me), I doubt he'll show up
Stick with your descision, you made the right choice! Your little girl already has a daddy, why confuse her with this total stranger? If he's not paying any child support, have his parental rights taken away. If you have a low income, every state has Legal Aid, it will cost about $25-50, and he won't have rights to her EVER, unless she wants to look him up after she turns 18.
My kids are 15 and 17, and they have no desire to ever see the sperm donor

Answer 2

The childs father didn't sign rights away and a judge didn't grant your husband parental rights. I'm sorry to say that just because your husband signed the voluntary acknowledgement of paternity doesnt make him the legal father of your daughter. You must go to court, have the father sign over custody OR prove that he is an unfit father and have a judge finalize it.

Your daughters father has rights to the child and until he is no longer the childs legal father, you are required to set up visitation just as he is required to pay child support, and probably back support.

But, please tell me that there was more to your decision of leaving the childs father other then he smoked pot. Please tell me he was neglectful or abusive or a crackhead as well. There are much worse things then smoking pot that a person can do. If the pot smoking is the only reason you consider this man a sperm donor and not allow him to see his daughter, then there is a problem here.

Think about this though, it gets more complicated in the future when the child starts getting the feeling that her 'daddy' isn't her daddy and she will. My sons father was adopted and always had this out of place feeling. His adoptive parents never told him, he found out when he was 30 and it devestated him, when he was already on the brink. If you choose to make your husband the legal father of your daughter it is important that you let your daughter know, from the start, that her daddy choose to be her daddy. And you MUST keep contact with the natural father because you never know if in the future she will need a transplant of some kind. Too many people found out the hard way that they weren't related to their family and had to search out their natural family for a donor.

Answer 3

Yes you did make the right decision. There is nothing wrong with your husband signing everything. He is your childs father, he is the one who has been there for her. And if your "sperm donor" lives out of state, do worry to much about him getting any visitation rights any time soon. It will take hime at lease a year to get a appointment to go to court, and then from there who knows how long it would take for them to give him visitation rights, if he went tomorrow it could be 2 years before he has any type of rights. And it would cost him a arm and a leg. So if he demands to see your daugther then tell him to get rights first. He left you, so at the time and for the last 2 years he did not want a kid. Since it sounds like you have a lawyer to talk to, maybe your next step should be seeing about how your husband can adopt your daugter. The sperm donor will have to give over his rights, but then if he agrees you dont have to worry about him again. Good luck, and dont worry to much, I doubt you will see the donor anytime soon!

Answer 4

Ok this is a sperm doner then he has no rights because he knew gonig into it he was just that.
But you say you got pregnant before meeting your husband. So did you have a relationship with this guy prior and did you sleep with him or did he give the donation to a clinic and a doctor artificialy nseminated you. I hear ya it sucks but. Unfortunatly he is allowed to come back and fight for visitation and custody
If you slept wilth him all he has to say is we had a relationship she asked me toget her pregnant and said she didn't want me in the childs life I agreed at the time but now I feel guilt and I am missing a part of me etc... The judge will basically look at how old you all were at the time if anything was in writing and how involved he wants to be. Yes it will cost him money for a lawyer, but it will also cost you a lot of money as well. Plus if he is willing to spend the money and time on this. The judge mayl see it as determination and true love for the child.
So just make sure you get all your stories straigh and dot all your i's and cross your t's. Cause someone gettnig you pregnant and just saying they don't want to be apart of it can't stop them from coming back later. As crapy as it might be for you.

Answer 5

Yes you have! As of now only the person who has been there from the time of the kids birth has the right to be the father.
The sperm donor too should be given a chance to see the child - but only after it has become an adult. Then it is a adult decision for the child to make.
Till then he has to stay away from the kid. The life of the kid is important here and that should not be complicated.

Answer 6

I have to agree with you, I think you made the right decision. The most important person to think about is the child.When you go to court the judge always puts the child first.
Your daughter would be so confused to have to call anther man daddy.
The sperm donor had 2 years to be there he could of been there when she was born . I don't know him but to me he is a dead beat. he pro bally just wants to prove she is his to claim her on his taxes or something.because it makes no sense why he wants to see her now after waiting 2years.

Answer 7

I think the system needs to change. Whether it is being a sperm donor or adoption, they are giving these people or parents to much rights after they signed them over. This is why more and more people are going overseas to get this done or adoption.
No more contact with any of the parents.

Answer 8

I think you made the right decision but if the "sperm donor" tried to pursue it you will have to let him. He could take you to court. Also if he tries that I would go after him for child support. Good luck

Answer 9

I am not at all sure the 'donor' has any rights, anymore.

Your husband assumed the responsbilities of fatherhood, legally.

It could get to be a matter of law, and you should contact your attorney.

If the child's biological father insists on rights, I agree that he should also belly up to the bar and pay child support.

Answer 10

I am on your side, but I do think this man has a right to see his daughter if he wants to. And legally, he can get that right to have visitation. Since he is the biological father he can take you to court...he probably won't get any custody, but he could get visitation, you can't stop him from doing that.

Why did you ask a question that you apparantly have all the answers to? If you don't want other ppl's advice then don't ask for it.