My best friend is assuming the position on Maid of Honor. I was maid of honor at her wedding, however I don't feel she is the best choice for my maid of honor, and I am having a hard time finding the words and courage to break it to her.
Please help.
2006-12-10 02:44:45 · 29 answers · asked by AARON C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thank your for your advice and replies thus far. Some of you asked for more details so here it goes.
I cannot stress this point enough, she IS my best friend, we have been through thick and thin together and our friendship has survived many tests. However lately we have been on seperate paths, and it seems that bridging the gap keeps getting harder and harder. She also tends to be very selfish and our friendship is very high maintenance to keep up.
I am not choosing a family member as my MH, I am choosing another friend with whom my relationship requires minimal effort. This is a friend who is down to earth, logical and realistic. All the attributes that will certianly come in handy, and she is by far the best choice for me on my day.
I also believe that a person is capable of having more than one best friend at a time. I actually have 3, and they all support me differently at different times in my life.
I hope this helps shed light on the situation.
2006-12-10 14:01:20 · update #1
That's tough. I wish you luck with that one. I wish that I hadn't picked my best friend either, we are subsequently not friends any more. My advise is to tell her, and as soon as possible. I hope it's your sister or future sister in law that you choose, only because then the decision would be more justifiable in her eyes.
*****************
I am just warning you, since you said she is selfish and it's a high maintenance friendship, that she may drop out of the wedding and your life. I just recently got married and my best friend turned out to be more selfish then I could have ever imagined. Refused to make time to go dress shopping with me (actually said to me that it had to be on her schedule, though she barely works), refused to help pick flowers, was late meeting up with us to go to pick out the maids gowns and almost missed that day completely because the store closed early, caused me many days of crying about it in front of my son (who was my rock when I thought I was going to fall), told me that $50 was too much to spend for the bachelorette party (though she had plenty of money to take vaca's up state a few times that summer), didn't help me get dressed on my wedding day, was late for the pictures, and left my wedding early (2 hours early). So I understand if you feel this person wouldn't be the right choice, I wish I had your foresight, believe me you.
As far as how to tell her, try taking her out to lunch and breaking it gently to her then. I know it will be tough, it was tough when I asked my MOH to drop out of the role, but she actually said that she would do what it took. Only you know your friends and how to approach them, I'm sure you will find a way to tell her so that hopefully she will understand your decision.
2006-12-10 02:48:59 · answer #1 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you not feel she is the best choice? Is it due to something so shallow as her outer appearance? If she is truly your best friend what could possibly be the reason for not having her as your maid of honor? If it has anything to do with the way she looks then I would say you have no clue as to what being best friends is all about and you have probably always kept her around just to use her. She will be extremely hurt by this but will definately be far better off without you as a so called friend!!!
2006-12-10 02:59:42 · answer #2 · answered by Judy D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in the same situation and I gave up and let her be maid of honor... I know it was the easy wasy out... but it's your wedding and you should be able to choose... who is your other choice and why... and why would your friend not be a good choice... is it worth losing her as a friend because that is probably whats going tohappen... let her know there is someone else assuming they are going to stand up with you and you let her know soon whos going to be MH... that will prepare her for the let down... then the only way to do it is to just say it... don't explain or apologize... just let her know that its not a personal issue and if she takes it personal tell het in advance you sorry... good luck
2006-12-10 02:52:29 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW, you call her your best friend? But she is not the best choice? I would hope the reason she is not the best choice is because you have a sister or cousin you are super close with and have been., short of this, I would say you call her best friend and do not mean it! I would be open honest and direct with her. Of course her feelings will be hurt if this person you are thinking of having is not your sister or relative, after all you led her down the path as best friends. Best friends are each other maid of honor if there is no family
2006-12-10 02:47:38 · answer #4 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she should NOT ASSUME that she's the Maid of Honor. Just because she was your maid of honor doesn't mean that you should automatically choose her for your wedding.
As to 'breaking it to her', you don't even have to. Simply ask someone else ... and ... believe me, she'll hear it from the grapevine soon enough. In case that doesn't happen, when she makes an inference to the maid of honor, say, 'Sorry, but I already chose someone else'. No need to be ashamed. BTY, congratulations and best wishes.
2006-12-10 03:07:23 · answer #5 · answered by maryc 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had the equal factor occur to me. I moved to a further state me and my bestfriend fell aside. She notion she could nonetheless be the maid of honor. In truth while she learned approximately the marriage ceremony she actually requested me in which does she cross get her get dressed. i used to be like maintain up sister. I will likely be completely happy o have you ever as a visitor within the marriage ceremony however I have already got a maid of honor.
2016-09-03 09:01:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is assuming without you even bringing it up, then you need to stop that before it gets out of hand. Just sit down and talk with her...you could always have 2 maids of honor if you just can't find it in you to tell her no.
2006-12-10 14:56:59 · answer #7 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem. But I chose my sister as my moh, so when I told her she understood. Is yours a fam member? That way it may be easier for her to understand. If not, is their a good reason why you don't want her? Well the best way is to be honest with her. and just try to talk to her when you to are alone. either way she will probaly be a lil bummed but assure her she can help you out alot and hopefully you a least have her as a bridesmaid. Good Luck!
2006-12-10 03:24:11 · answer #8 · answered by Shampaine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she truly is your best friend, she should respect your decision or get upset but then get over it. Think about how ridiculous this sounds.."what ever happened to your friend Aaron?....Oh, we had a falling out since she didn't make me her maid of honor and I maid her mine. Could you believe the nerve of that girl?!?"
2006-12-10 02:48:55 · answer #9 · answered by Henry m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn, thats like the hardest thing. Same thing happened to my sister, fortunately her friend was completely understanding. She chose me!! But her friend still had a huge part in the wedding and planning, so it was alright. She just told her straight up, that it wasnt her intention to shun her out of the position of maid of honor but that she wanted me to do it, as she had always intended even before she met her.
Basically it varies from person to person experience wise
2006-12-10 02:48:15 · answer #10 · answered by Lovely*~*Layla 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋