Today I saw two sets of families... q's about parenthood and maturity?

Question

I was driving around with my friend, we see this car ahead of us. In the rear window, there was a set of car stickers, that showed 5 stick figuers, and under the big two were Dad and Mom, next to that was Billy, Sally, and Wendy.

I remarked to my friend how odd that after parenthood, you would rather go by Dad than the name you had before. Later, we saw another car, with another stick figuer family on the rear window, this time the two big figuered were Mario and Linda, and the other figuers joey (small case) and mickey (small case).

Right now I just thought back and it made me wonder... do people really change after having kids? and, thier preferred identity? and, this is really terrible of me, I know... but, I just couldn't help but view the parents in the second family car as somehow less mature, less, into parenthood. Everyone has a right to be who they are, so my second question is: can I still be me and be a good parent?

me: no kids right now, but I work with them often,

Answer 1

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. But it is also one of the most difficult and frustrating. it is a good idea to educate yourself about parenting before becoming one.

As far as identity goes. I am still who I am. Being a parent adds to who you are, it doesn't remove your previous identity. In the case of the stickers, I think either would be appropriate way to look at yourself. Becoming a parent has to alter what and who you are because of the amount of time and energy it takes. You must always take into consideration the needs of you child (children) when making decisions, but that does not mean you become less of an individual.

A friend once told me this. Your first child changes you the most, because you go from being carefree and spontaneous to always having to consider the effects of what you do on your kid. You have to pack a bag of diapers, food and toys just to run short errands.

But then they said, it was actually the second child that changes you the most. With one child, you can share parenting duties, but with two kids both of you are always busy.

But then they said it was the third child that had the biggest impact because you have to change from man-to-man to zone defense.

Answer 2

Becoming a parent is something that is very personal to people. Some people feel the need to "mature" (a subjective trait no?), and become different people. It all really depends on how you decide to be a parent. When babies are, well, babies, they don't need a lot of "mature" interacting. They just need you to feed, change, and hold them. As kids grow up, they need a structure support. As a parent this can turn you into a different person because of the person you need to be to make your child a good human. Being a disciplinarian is not the person I would have though of myself as a swinging college student. Because I made the decision to get married and have a child, my "sociatial" obligations to my family and the world around me have changed. If I didn't change with them I would be taking away from the development of my child. NOW this is not to say that I still don't parent in a way that is my own style. Conformity is by no means the answer, but stepping up to the plate has a lot to do with it. I still go out with my girlfriends and MILF it up, don't get me wrong, but the next day, it's back to mommie mode.

Answer 3

I think you'd do your child a great disservice if you stopped being yourself to be ONLY dad. Yes, being a parent changes you. You now have a whole new set of responsibilities. Being a parent is part of who you are but it isn't ALL you are. I'm a mom of two with another on the way and I'm still me. I refuse to define myself as just "mom". I love being a mom but I'm more than that. I still have all the same interests I had before. I still have an identity outside of being a parent and I think it is important for my kids to see that.

When we go bowling as a family and we type in our names on the screen I always put my own name. I notice that other families put "Mom, Dad, Billy, Sally". I don't do that. That doesn't make me less of a parent or mean I'm not as into being a parent. I just still like being ME. I don't think I have to go by "mom" everywhere we go.

Answer 4

having children does change a person to an extent, I wouldnt say its an identity change, how ever when a person takes on the role of a father or mother, and seriously becomes a parent, there is definately something that changes, you gain a different sence of maturity, and responsability.

Yes you can still be a good parent, if and when you have kids you will change like it or not. you wont loose your identity.

anyone can father, or give birth to a child.
But it takes a very special person to be a daddy or a mommy

Answer 5

I would be the second car. Actually, I'd be the one with no names on the back. All my car has on it is a Cub Scout sticker. I don't like letting strangers know all of our names. I think its dangerous.

As for names, my husband and I still use each others names. I call him Daddy sometimes, but only when I'm dealing with the kids in a certain way (Like ...go help Daddy with the door. Or singing happy birthday daddy). Otherwise its just wierd. I have a Daddy and I still call him that. Calling my husband daddy feels wierd.My children know my and my husband's full names in case we are ever seperated. Don't get me wrong, being so and so's mommy is fine, but I like having my own name still. I'd hate to think that marriage and kids lost me my identity!!

Answer 6

Well, when I became pregnant, my husband asked me what we should call each other from now on with the baby. We both agreed that the baby might get confused if we call each other by our real names, so we said we'd call each other Mom or Dad. I like it, I think it's cute :) There's an occasion where I call him by his first name, or he does me... but most the time it is Mom or Dad with us.... and our son loves calling us Mom and Dad. I think by habit, the parent might call the person by their first name... but for the child, I say call them Mom or Dad... I've seen questions on here how to get their child to stop calling them by their first name... but if they aren't using Mom or Dad in the home, then all that child hears they are being referred to is as their real name, so obviously they repeat you, and will call you that as well.

After reading these, I have to add that I don't feel in any way I lost my identity- people I know still call me by my name, and some will call me Mom, it makes me proud. I also never said I wouldn't let my son know my name- he will when he gets of age- for protection yes... but by all means, he knows I'm his Mom and he's 14 months old. He doesn't call anyone else Mom or Dad. I'm sorry, but I don't feel any identity loss in any way... I'm still me, and I always will be. Being a Mom is an added bonus I feel!

Answer 7

Yes you do change because if your a good parent your going into a more selfless mode. You are taking care of other human beings and want to protect and guide them.
If you dont' grow up yourself, and I do know parents like this mostly in their 30s, who still play with their kids toys, do hours of gaming. let their house go into chaos and the kids are totally confused and feel abandoned.
So you do have to take off that mantal of "its all for number 1" when you form the family unit. If not well you have seen the 'not's' they are suing each other on Judge Judy every afternoon ;-)