I lost a lot of weight, and NOW men I know want me. Should I give them a chance?

Question

I've gone from a size 16 to a size 4. For my size and build, I am relatively curvy, especially for an asian, in my opinion. So, my new body attracts a lot of attention.

A lot of it is coming from guys I work and go to school with, who wouldn't even give me the time of day before. Now, I wont give them the time of day. Especially the hypocrites who are fat themselves and think that now I'm good enough for them. I was shy before and didn't really hit on men, so its not like I used to throw myself at these guys, but I was nice to them the same as I was everyone else.

Am I justified in feeling they have no right to hit on me now that I'm attractive? I'm the same person I was before. There was one guy I really liked at work and I thought he liked me too, but he never asked me out. But now he is flirting with me all the time and has asked me out. I told him no, because he's only asking because I'm thin now. Was I right, or does he deserve a chance?

You're right, Jeffrey, I don't think they have a right to hit on me if they knew me before the weight loss. They knew my personality before hand, but never cared much about me. And now that I'm good looking, suddenly I'm a hot commodity to them. It's sad, really. Like people have said, looks fade. When I'm 40, I could gain some weight back. Any of their future wives/girlfriends could get fat. What would they do then?

Answer 1

Not a chance in he*l ..I've seen this before and I wouldn't date any of them..But I would make sure they knew why..And tell them you don't date shallow people!(and to eat their hearts out)
GOOD for you on the weight you lost and the confidence I'm sure you gained..It can be a hard battle but you fought it and won..
CONGRATS!!!!

Answer 2

I think you did the right thing. From the sound of things, although this guy was always nice to you, it sounds like he is now only hitting on you because of how you look now and that does seem very superficial of him. That by all means does not mean he is a bad person though. I believe everyone is superficial to an extent. For instance, would you go out with a guy who was 400 pounds, only 4' 11" tall, and had severe acne and warts all over his face? Even if you said yes you would, I'm sure there are other people you would rather go out with. I would imagine that more women would probably say no to this guy and not even give the guy a chance no matter how kind or good hearted he would be. The world in which we live is very superficial and it's something that I really hate. It's a shame our world always prefers to judge a book by it's cover and ever so quietly ignores what's most important, which is a person's heart. IMO, I suggest that if you choose to give him a chance, it is your right to do so and it would not be a bad thing whether you chose to give him a chance or not. Go with your heart on this. But do keep in mind that you've already seen his true colors.

Answer 3

I lost 30 pounds, may not seem like a lot to you, but it made a world of difference in my body. I didn't diet. I look at diets this way, it's a multi billion dollar a year industry and yet we are the fattest nation in the world. If diets worked, shouldn't we be the skinniest? I didn't pick up my exercise much at all. I got off of soda and caffeine and got on water and healthy foods. I eat as much as i want of the healthy foods and do not worry about weighing them out or anything. I can eat all i want of veggies, fruits and leafy things. When it comes to the rest of the foods i am more careful. But i find that if i put too much chicken on my plate it's ok. If i eat all my veggies, fruits and salads first, i tend to eat just the right amount of chicken in the end. Or whatever the proteine and carbs are for the day. I fill up on the water all through the day as well, drinking 6 to 8 oz of water every two hours which keeps my body far more hydrated which also made me feel better. Having all the right nutrients in my body made me stop craving sugars. I still have junk food once in awhile though, it's an 80/20 thing. I eat right 80% of the time and i allow junk 20% in moderation. I also switched to small plates and small bowls. Read Mindless eating sometime, it's an eye opener. It really works as well. You'll eat less when you eat off of small plates and feel just as satisfied. Crazy, but true. I don't exercise really. I do try to stay active though. Good luck!

Answer 4

Go with your gut. If you secretly resent the fact that this man, and all of these men, didn't give you the time of day when you were heavy... then you will probably just be entering into a situation in which you feel a secret need for a bit of revenge in a way. Perhaps though you can rise above the feelings of anger that you have towards them... and the fact that they were somewhat shallow in their dealings with you... but only you can know for certain whether or not your inner conflict over the then and the now would taint any relationship that might spring up with any of these guys.

Congrats on the weight loss... that's a huge accomplishment that takes a great deal of self-discipline. you should be proud of yourself.

Answer 5

First off congratulations on losing the weight - but to answer the question I think if the guys were rude to you before then no they don't deserve a chance, but if they just weren't attracted to you before doesn't make them bad guys. For instance lets say you knew a guy a few years back, and you were nice to him, but found him unattractive. If sometime in the future he changes his apperance, and becomes more appealing to your taste do you feel like you should have no chance at all because you didn't have an interest before?

Answer 6

Everyone would like to be with someone nice a relatively attractive.
When you were fat, you did not like someone who is fat did you?
I am not saying being fat is all bad, but I am trying justify your thoughts which is wrong. I am happy that you are able to gather yourself to have lost this much of weight which really took so much effort. I think you need to reward yourself with someone who would appreciate you rather than someone who goes for your looks.
Beauty is temporary, heart matter a lot. Being through this experince I hope you wont be those guys who were before and dont treat anyone like they did to you. Think of someone who has always been nice to you ( not a flirt) . Someone who would take care of you forever, honest and sincere. If you think he qualifies all the above then go ahead.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

So you are a hot size 4 now and men are hitting on you, and you think they have no "right" to? Men are hitting on you because you are attractive. If you don't want men to hit on you make yourself less attractive (dont wear makeup, dress conservatively, etc).

I think even though your body is a size 4 your mind is still in "fat chick" mode. You need your emotional self to catch up with your physical self.

It would be nice if, after all your hard work to get thin that you could just enjoy the attention you are getting. Doesn't mean you have to go out with them does it?

Answer 8

you have better be careful, you said you are the same person right? well from what I've read your not. just because you have a better body now you sound like you think you are better then everyone else. in my opinion, if i knew you before when you was larger and then after, i think i would tell you to go jump in a lake because now you are a stuck up snob. I'm sorry if i upset you but you have changed and now you are more ugly then you was before.

Answer 9

Your physical body may change, up or down. Celebrate yourself for your achievements, honor yourself and love yourself. don't worry about why someone wants to date you, ask yourself if by dating them you will be honoring yourself? Men will want to date you for all sorts of reasons...including your body style. But if you're a jerk it won't matter what kind of body you have. But your body does give you options that you didn't have before. Enjoy the options. Enjoy yourself.

Answer 10

there's always a chance that they might have been unattracted because of what being overweight means. in that its a person who doesn't take particularly good care of themselves. I know that that is MY biggest thing with overweight people. But there is also a good chance that they are being superficial. if it seems like a sincerely nice guy then give him a chance.