Odd Behavior or Normal?

Question

I just spent a week with my sister & her 4 and 6 year old kids. My sister is a great mom and very loving with her kids, but their behavior is really bad when things don't go their way. The boy (he's 6) constantly told me that I needed to follow the rules.. and had outright screaming tantrums and got very upset when I didn't take the exact route home from school that his mom does. He acted like it was the end of the world crying and yelling. My niece (4) would be perfect all day, and when her brother got home from school, she would suddenly become disrespectful and nasty. At one point my niece told me that she was angry with me for telling her to clean up her toys and wanted to stab herself with a knife. My sister and I were horrified. Not sure if this is a symptom of TV (they watch some Nickelodeon and that's about it). Both the kids seem to fly off the handle when they don't get their way, crying - etc. My kids are older, but I don't remember having those kinds of issues. Advice?

My sister is not the best at follow through in discipline with the kids & I think it may be a result of them realizing this is what they can get away with. Her husband constantly says how the kids are 'sensitive' and gives in as well. Well, I guess... thank goodness they're not mine.

Answer 1

Hate to say it. It is a clear case of bad parenting. Your sisters children have "learned" to be disrespectful because they most likely get their way when they demand. Additionally, they probably don't get reprimanded much when they say or do something rude. They have had no boundaries set for them.

This is a tough predicament for you because you can't really tell her how to parent, unless you're really close. I have read that you can set boundaries, in front of the parents, on how you, yourself want to be treated.....(Johnny, do not speak to adults like that....blah, blah) or or if you think they are behaving badly (Ashley, do not hit your brother). But that's really about it.

Answer 2

TV is not the problem. If you had never had kids, I'd suspect you didn't really know what the complex game of child rearing is all about. But you have kids, and this behavior is not just a matter of "going through stages."

If this happened to me, I too, would have alarm bells ringing in my head --- loudly.

Normally, this sort of thing happens to kids when they don't have limits or rules. But since you, too, must follow rules exactly, methinks your sister needs to get a few lessons from The Nanny on TV.

Unfortunately, you're stuck with little power to do anything unless your sister wakes up and realizes she's doing something very incorrectly.
My experience is that some kids are monsters regardless of their parents, and some kids turn out OK in spite of their parents. I hope the latter is the case with your niece and nephew. Sad to say, even Dr. Laura couldn't come up with an easy fix on this one.

Good luck and get really great at tact when discussing such things with your sister. She definitely needs some guidance, cause something is going wrong with her parenting.

Answer 3

You didn't mention it, but does your sister discipline her kids for their unacceptable behaviour? My son has a 'quiet chair' and when he yells at either of us (because we teach him that raising his voice is not polite) or has a tantrum to try to get his way, he winds up on the quiet chair. I put the timer on on the kitchen stove for 2 minutes (because he's 2...when he turns 3 it will go to 3 minutes..I read this in a great book on child rearing!) and leave him alone (within earshot, we're around the corner in the next room) to calm down. This works like a charm every time as once the buzzer sounds, he comes into the room where we are and rephrases his desire with a 'please' and in a reasonable voice.
The books I read on the subject are by famous child psychologist, Dr. James Dobson. He's awesome!!
Best of luck!

Answer 4

There are some serious issues in that household. Your sis may be a very loving mother, but what about the Father, what are the children going through? Someone has taught them anger, who would be the question? I agree with the others who said counseling is needed and it IS needed fast before this gets anymore out of control.

Answer 5

It's great you've given a good home to these kittens. Cape and Kain are absolutely gorgeous ! What lovely names and photos ! Yes it's normal what they are doing, they're naturally a bit stressed at having a new home and they're sticking together and comforting each other for now.But by the photos I can see they are starting to feel relaxed already and they'll very soon know they can trust you and start running around and playing more.

Answer 6

Other than your sister acting "horrified" what else did she do when her kids behaved this way?

Give in? Baby them? Coddle them? Soothe them? Or did she ignore them and/or punish them for such outrageous behavior?

I would have to believe that the kids behave this way because it works to get attention and their own way. Kids will behave in exactly the way parents allow them to behave.

If she handled the situations correctly, then it sounds like her kids have some emotional problems and all 3 of them could use some counseling because that doesn't sound normal to me.

Answer 7

Wow... Um, I know some kids have issues.. but that seems a little extreme. Are they very sheltered and told that its Moms way or the highway?

I dont know what I would do about this, maybe get some parenting books and read up on it???

Good Luck..... :O

Answer 8

that is not normal. it sounds like its the parents not the kids that need help. the kids are doing what they are allowed to do. the younger one is following the example her brother is setting. that is why the difference b4 and after he gets home.

Answer 9

I would think that it was odd, that they have problems with changes....Is this something they did before you go there?

Answer 10

the kids need help. and they need it ASAP