i nag them almost every day to find work and ive had to take on a second job to keep us afloat they are lazy and say to me ive done the washing up for you when its for all of us, they sit at home all day and party at weekends, i am so down and get so upset but they just dont change they go to interviews but nothing happens
i just dont know wht to do for them to realise im so unhappy
thier dad lives in Thailand so is no help at all
2006-12-09 11:34:33 · 28 answers · asked by cazmo 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you all for your support i think the best option is to give them till after xmas to leave unless they find work
im so busy working ive never got time for myself or them apart from the weekends
im going to tell them tomorrow what ive decided to do
my eldest has just got 3k and has not given me a penny and yes you are right they walk all over me although i feel so guilty that their dad isnt here to support them and im doing it all on my own but ive got to be strong
2006-12-09 11:51:40 · update #1
i am so grateful for all the answers.
you have all helped me so much
i just cant decide who to choose
thank you x
2006-12-12 08:22:24 · update #2
Kick them out, 4 real, thats what my mom would do.
2006-12-09 11:36:24 · answer #1 · answered by coco puffy. 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tough love is the best love. Give them a time limit to look for a job (say 2 weeks) and let them know that your are VERY SERIOUS. If they refuse to get a job, then tell them they have to live with a friend. Be firm, patient, and VERY demanding. It's your house, they only live there. I garuantee that within a few weeks of being on there own, they will slowly, realize how important of a deal this is.
Also, I would try this on the older one (the 21 yr old) 1st. Then wait a week or two, and do it to the 18 yr old.
Also, allow them to enroll in college or join the Armed Forces as opposed to kicking them out.
ABOVE ALL, "tough love" is just that. It's LOVE. If you do this you will actually, love them more, not less. GOOD LUCK.
2006-12-09 19:45:13 · answer #2 · answered by Don R 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK...
1) Stop nagging
2) Set a timeline for a job
3) Let them know if the timeline isn't met they have to move out
4) Kick them out when they don't get a job by that date.
That being said, I must also add, kids need to have goals and ambition. And parents that don't set those guidelines only enable the kids for failure.
They are adults... it's time for them (and you) to act like an adult.
2006-12-09 19:40:06 · answer #3 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I hate 2 say it but they gotta go!! They practically grown n u can't keep taking care of them..they'll never learn wut the real world is about becuz momma got dey back!! As a mother, u have 2 guide them. I've been working for 4 yrs now but i dont have 2. I just needed a sense of responsibility, financially able 2 buy what i want, and stuff like dat!! PUT EM OUT
2006-12-09 19:41:25 · answer #4 · answered by chocolateflavadgurl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why are they still living at home?....they should be sharing a place together or at least living in their own places by now...if they are unemployed they will get a council flat....tell them to move out....theyre are big girls now....they will stay with you while you keep providing for them...they are both able bodied girls so that's no excuse for them NOT to find a job...tell them that they have to buy their own food and pay a share of the bills if they want to stay under your roof, if they complain then tell them to leave..... give them both a month to find a flat...they have to learn at some point in their life....a bit of tough love won't kill them....stop being a pushover....your the parent...not them
2006-12-10 00:04:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Pack their belongings, toss them out and change the locks on the door. The reason they are like they are is because YOU have allowed them to be this way. YOU have allowed them to take advantage of you. Grow a back bone and kick their butts out they are adults now and should be pulling their own weight.
2006-12-09 19:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Its pretty simple. Start charging them for their rent, utilities, and share of the groceries. If they still refuse to go to work after and refuse to pay rent for a few months then evict them. You're not doing them or yourself any favors by allowing them to take advantage of this situation. They're late in learning the realities of this world, but they still must learn it. You need to make it clear their free ride is over.
2006-12-09 19:41:51 · answer #7 · answered by Carole 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have a son who was like this he was lazy stole from us and generally was a pain in the a**e, we ended up telling him to pay his way or go , it was a hard decision but his behaviour was destroying us and our health and now he has started acting his age < 24 > and admits that he took us for granted and hopefully he is changing. so tell them to find a job or go , i know it would be hard to do but if they love you they will try if they don't try hard as it is your better off letting them make their own way in life.
2006-12-09 20:05:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't just chuck them out just yet, everyone desreves a warning first. Tell them to get their act together, or else! Mabye they don't want to work for what they believe is 'less than what they are worth', y'know less money than they believe they should get. I worked for very little money and had to make cutbacks and cut out partying and expensive things, so long as the bills were paid. Tell them to 'pull their socks up'.
2006-12-09 19:55:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
pack their bags and chuck them out, don't give them anymore money, give them a week to get out. Are they studying, if so then that's not so bad. Make them do chores, don't wash any of their clothes. They must get a job or they will be evicted!! You can't stay living this way.
2006-12-09 19:40:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Keeping on at them will only make them more lazy. Give them time and you will see that they will eventually make the right decision. Perhaps they are depressed.
Look for the signs.
2006-12-09 19:39:11 · answer #11 · answered by Starbucks27 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋