How do I deal with this woman?

Question

She is being nasty to me and saying that I don't volunteer enough of my time to a fundraising organization that I am a member of. She is the president of the organization. I put a lot of time into helping with the secretarial end of things, but she is mad because I won't help with making phone calls to help find workers for fundraisers, and I can't help at the fundraisers. I've told her that I can't help with the phone calls because I live in another town and the calls are long distance for me, and I haven't been able to work at the fundraisers because I have a full time job PLUS help my husband run his business. I can't afford to take time off work to do volunteer work. My husband suggested that I just quit the organization altogether since it's causing stress and I get nothing out of it. I don't want to quit because I don't know who would take over the duties that I currently do, and I do enjoy helping in the ways that I can. She is treating other members the same way.

Answer 1

I agree with your husband. Maybe she'll learn her lesson about being so rude if people volunteer their time elsewhere.

if you want to stay, tell her you're doing all you can and if she finds that unacceptable, then she needs to find a replacement for you.

Answer 2

If all you say is true then it is time to give this person notice that at a certain date you will no longer be able to volunteer your time. Then find yourself another organization that will appreciate what you CAN do and not berate you for what you CAN'T do. Volunteer help is the most precious help in the world. Most volunteers are selfless, sacrificing individuals and should always be thanked no matter how little or how much they can do. If the organization is big enough someone will be found who can take over your responsibilities. Good luck, and thank you for volunteering.

Answer 3

Find an organization that is willing to appreciate what you can offer them.

If you are committed to remaining a volunteer at this organization and if this is a local branch of a national charity, contact the national office and share your concerns with them. If there are other members who feel the same way, encourage them to call, as well.

If this is not an option, perhaps those of you who feel put upon by this woman can invite her to a meeting to discuss how to make your volunteer time more effective, and then share with her your concerns.

If she is unwilling to listen or change, then you have only 2 choices - put up with things, or find another charity where your contributions are appreciated.

Good luck, and thank you for taking the time to volunteer!

Answer 4

Some people think that bullying is the only way to get things done, but as you know, it really just gets people off-side and makes working with them and for them hard and miserable.

Perhaps you should organise to meet with her on neutral territory somewhere and let her know that you don't appreciate the bully tactics. You volunteer when you can and out of the goodness of your heart and she has no right to demand more of you than you can give. Volunteer work is very difficult and we can only do what we can, and it's inappropriate for her to keep asking you to do more when it's obvious that you can't. She will eventually lose her position in the organisation if she continues, and I would even consider going higher-up in the organisation if she doesn't stop after you've had a private chat with her.

The organisation won't run without volunteers, and she'd do well to remember that the people she is treating like crap are the ones who are doing it without being paid.

Answer 5

I'm not going to advise that you quit the organization, although that certainly is a possibility. As president, her job is to try to get people to volunteer as much as possible, and it might be that she is just going about it in the wrong way. You might simply sit down with her and tell her some of the things that you've mentioned in this message. For example, you could say, "Phyllis, I really love the Children's Charity and I am happy to be a volunteer for this organization. However, I can sense that you're unhappy with the amount of time I spend to volunteer. I do my best to help out with the secretarial work but I also need to spend time with my family, and I just can't give any more time to work that I'm not paid for. I'm happy to continue with the amount of work that I've been giving, but if you'd rather that I spent my time elsewhere, please let me know."

Answer 6

Let her know that you are willing to help but you have limitations. Ask her for her suggestions on how you should accomplish making the phone calls without incurring long distance charges. If she does not have anything constructive to say, then you must decide if you are willing to continue to work with her. Whatever your decision remember that your first duty is to your own life and the lives of your loved ones. Volunteer work should be a rewarding experience. Helping others is a noble goal but should not be practiced to the extent that you become the someone in the need of outside help.

Answer 7

This woman sounds horrible. I suggest that you quit the organization, and find another one. If you can find another organization doing the same kind of thing then great!! Go there and help people. There's no reason why this woman should be pestering you and making you feel bad. It's volunteer work, it's optional, it's something people do because they have a bit of extra time and they CHOOSE to help others. She should be greatful you are there at all.

Answer 8

Maybe you can come with other ways to of marketing instead of phone calls. since you live in another town and its long distance, why not write letters. It may sound silly but it really works. You can get a phone book from her town type up a basic letter or make a brochure on your computer and just send them out. or make business cards and hand them to people. Make flyers and put the m up in the area the fundraising is in. as well as other small marketing techniques. As for her being nasty, the old saying is kill them with kindness. I know that its easier said then done but it doesn't hurt to try!

Answer 9

I know many people who volunteer and when they are not able to do it, they just don't do it or do it from time to time (it is help, already). I think you should tell her clearly what you can and what you can't do for the Org. If she accepts, it's all right, but if she doesn't, you'd better find another org. to volunteer. Don't let anyone push you beyond the limits of your patience. Perhaps they are nice people doing nice things, but they must know little about you if they treat you as a lazy individual. Reply to her demands but don't die trying to make her happy. After all, you are all for the organization, you shouldn't let personal implications interfere if they are not relevant at all to the cause.

Answer 10

If you benefit from doing the work you do and you wish to continue, you will need to set some boundaries.

If you are staying out of duty or a sense of obligation, forget it. The organization will get along without you.

You may wish to write down what you are willing to do and what you are unwilling to do. Put it in a letter to the president and keep a copy for yourself. If she calls and hassles you, tell her that she has a copy of what you can give to the organization and that you don't have time to discuss it any further. You never need to defend yourself. Give what you are willing and if she chooses not to accept that and lets you go, consider yourself lucky and pursue other ways to give to non-profit you believe in.

The first person you must give to is yourself. Do what you enjoy and believe in. If someone else fails to appreciate you, shake the dust off your feet and move on.

Answer 11

Perhaps you should all band together and call a meeting to raise these issues with her. Explain in the nicest way possible that you all want to support the Organisation in the best way you can, but she is causing low morale for the volunteers and will lose them if her attitude does not change. Be brave and straightforward. This will be difficult, but maybe she does not see the error of her ways and needs it pointed out to her from the group as a whole. Good luck.