My bf and i were together 2 yrs then broke up for 6 months and are getting back together. I need suggestions on how to deal with his old school italian mom who he adores. Last time we were together she hated me provoking fights between my bf and i .Telling him i was no good and that he should date an italian girl not a spanish girl ect.
2006-12-09 08:52:24 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I love my bf and we were even on the path to get married when the break up occured.
2006-12-09 08:57:43 · update #1
The most important thing is to talk to your b/f about how this is affecting your relationship; but keep in mind NOT to speak ill of his mother. Regardless of how she feels about you, she is his mother and deserves repect (at the very least for his sake!). If you both feel that it is a concern in the relationship, then it is his responsiblity to talk to his mother and let her know that he is with you because he cares about and loves you. He needs to let her know that, although he loves and respects her, it is unacceptable for her to provoke fights or tell him that you are no good for him. This does not mean that he will be proving less adoration for his mother but it will prove that he is grown up enough to have an intelligent, adult-like conversation about a woman he adores with the other woman he adores. There's always room in a big Italian heart for Mom and g/f! Assure him that you do not want he and his mother to lose their relationship rather you would like for him to defend the relationship you two have and eventually bring Mom around to accepting it as well. Good luck!
2006-12-09 09:14:19 · answer #1 · answered by pillowtalk504 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. The worse kind of mother-in-law- the racist type!
She's probably just afraid of losing her little boy. In fact, you could be her very vision of the perfect girlfriend, and she'd still probably treat you this way. The boyfriend's mum always has these ideas that you're either cheating on him/after something (money, jewellery etc).
Don't fight with your boyfriend about her. That's what she wants. She's meddling. At some point, someone- hopefully your boyfriend, maybe another family member- will put her in her place. Be nice to her, maybe offer to help with the housework/dinner/babysitting etc. Maybe you should have a talk and say, "I know what you think of me, but you're wrong. I might not be perfect, but I try to be a good person and I love your son and promise not to hurt him. I can't help being born Spanish anymore than you can help being born as an Italian, and find some of the things you say hurtful. You don't have to be my friend if you don't want to be, but at the very least I think I deserve some respect. I think it's wrong of us to fight, and would like to know what I can do to make you see that I'm not the person you think I am." Maybe she'll appreciate this and you can put some water under the bridge.
Your boyfriend seriously needs to get a backbone though. He's disrespecting you by not standing up for you. Maybe ask him to reach a compromise- you make extra special effort to befriend his mum, and he has to stick up for you more!
Remember- his mum isn't your problem. Don't waste your time worrying about her spite. Your loving her son doesn't require her permission. Love him as you would. Anything she says/does is of no consequence!
Good luck!
2006-12-09 09:05:50 · answer #2 · answered by midsojo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First - just know that this woman will always be in your boyfriends life until she dies. And who knows - she might just find a way to make your life miserable from the grave (i.e. the will, or whatever) So - knowing that - here's my suggestion.
Be cordial. Be nice. You do not have to be her best friend or go overboard to impress her or go out of your way to make her happy. Be cordial. Be nice. That's it. It sounds simple - but it will be very difficult. Do NOT complain about her to your boyfriend. She will probably say horrid things about you and do horrid things to you. Your job is to be cordial. Be nice. There will be family gatherings and parties and all kinds of situations when you are both in the same place. Be cordial. Be nice. Do NOT complain about her to anyone. You know who she is and how she is - and if you are choosing to be back in your bf's life - you are choosing to be back in her life. You cannot control this woman. You also cannot control your bf and how he feels about her. All you can control is yourself - and if you want to be the good person you are and be perceived as the good person you are - just BE CORDIAL AND BE NICE!!!! One day if you marry this boy - she is going to be right in the middle of your wedding. Now you know what you're supposed to do now - right??? Be cordial and be nice!!! If you don't want to be cordial and be nice - then just know you'll be stooping to her morals and standards.
2006-12-09 09:04:58 · answer #3 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly, there isn't much you can do. You can either continue disagreeing with her, or shut up and take what she dishes out. She's older and isn't going to change her view because some young "Spanish" girl said so. She's thick headed and will remain that way.
If you really like this boy though, you can buy her a nice Christmas gift and hope that she'll at least treat you like an adult.
2006-12-09 08:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by Yeah. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing you can do. Be nice to her, be respectful of her, even if she is not in return. And really you should try to stay out of her way, not be alone with her at any time if you can help it. And do not under any circumstances say anything bad about his mother to him, even if it is true. Call a friend and vent. And you should be fine. No matter what she is his mother, even if she is wrong. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-09 08:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf needs to step up to the plate and tell his Mom that he chooses you for who you are not because of being Italian. And if you and your bf do get married and your future mother-in-law is meddlesome, you need to put your foot down and tell her that if she wants to see her future grandbabies and if she wants to make sure her son is fine and well taken care of she needs to respect you.
2006-12-09 09:02:18 · answer #6 · answered by fullofsunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. If his mom said that about you...Then its the boyfriend that needs to tell his mother that you're the greatest thing that ever happened to him and tell her how he feels. What his mother said about you isnt fair to you and its not fair to her son either. Thats judging you and its also being extremely racist. If he cant talk to his mother how he feels then you can also try sitting down with the boyfriend and the mom and talking about it..Good Luck.
2006-12-09 09:00:19 · answer #7 · answered by Alex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best way to deal with this situation is to just get the guts to ask your boyrfriends mom to just sit and have a completely honest conversation with eachother. Tell her she can be as honest as she wants and you will to. She will respect you for initiating this conversation. Make sure you really listen to her side, and after you explain your side, ask her to re-state what she heard from you, so that you know she understands your side. Just be yourself. good luck.
2006-12-09 08:57:09 · answer #8 · answered by therapist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people go through this find something you and his mom have in common or you both like and talk to her about it
2006-12-09 09:00:23 · answer #9 · answered by Sexii_Babe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't respond to her. Just be kind and patient, not justifying her remarks. If your boyfriend (I hate that word because you don't know what it means anymore) takes her side when she's wrong, that's not a good thing.
2006-12-09 08:56:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋