been with partner six years living together last two. I am engaged but he wont buy a ring ok I can live with it. I support myself.. I sold my cottage and everything in it. I am not allowed to change decor o his house . He supports ex wife has done for 27 years. We are going away for a few days to France he says dont buy euros you can ask if you want anything it makes me feel powerfull!!! Twice he hasnt bothered with my birthday ..he went to Madagascar I wasn`t allowed to go.I do everyhting buy food wash cook clean iron.. and I am so far paying for our wedding. His ex..on hearing we are getting married now has cancer he has strarted picking on me. I buy him presents but nothing seems enough. I am still attractive for 53 dark skinned long hair very slim... yet he tells me I have aged...People are shocked when I tell them my age they think I am in my 40s. Somethings wrong.....
2006-12-09 07:40:41 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I should have asked what do you all think is wrong... I AM wondering if I should marry him. I wasnt asking if I should but cant work out whats wrong he says he loves me... but its a strange love. If I try to talk he says I am trying to argue.... and tells me to get out!!!!
2006-12-09 07:55:44 · update #1
You know yourself something is wrong here. certainly don't marry him yet, perhaps you should sit down and discuss things with him, but he doesn't treat you with respect and as an equal. You've really got to think what you want out of life. At 53 there is still plenty to do, will you be able to meet your aims with this man? will he encourage your growth and make you happy? from what you say it doesn't seem likely.
Let the ex support herself unless they've got young children and the home is got to be "ours" not his and you need to put your mark on it. A man going on holiday without his wife/GF is not a good thing.
2006-12-09 07:46:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hey there...first of all: hugs!
It sounds like over time gradually things have got worse and worse. He takes you for granted, you let him. He makes you believe this is normal so that you will continue to put up with it. He gets angry when you try and talk to him cos he doesnt want you to realise the truth, and maybe he is in denial himself and doesnt want to face the truth.
He doesnt value all the real and beautiful things about you. You deserve so much more, as you are obviously a caring and giving person.
He is a LOSER and he is scared of losing you. As he should be.
I'm sure at times he is sweet to you. But the bottom line is, overall, how does he treat you? Do you feel loved and respected and adored? I suspect the answer is no. And therein lies the answer to your question about what is wrong. He does not love you, not in any real way.
If he wont listen to what you have to say, then he leaves you no option but to walk away without an explanation or a chance to change things. Just do it. Just leave one day and start a new life. Dont let him worm his way back.
Hugs, x
2006-12-10 07:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say this to you but now is the time to sit down and discuss everything that is of concern to you before you put a ring on your finger. If he really loves you and wants to be with you he will recognise how much he has been taking you and all that you do for granted and will start supporting you so you can go forward together as a team - if not then you really do need to ask yourself if this is the sort of life you want for your future and if it will bring you the joy, love and happiness you seek. Good Luck and hope this helps.
2006-12-09 07:45:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you need a verification to leave this relationship, but dont tell us why you have stuck around for so long? Is he rich, is the sex the best you have had, or you just dont have the courage to go through the dating scene again? From what you say about him my answer would be GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN and start living a happy life with someone that will love you.
2006-12-10 06:11:32 · answer #4 · answered by justananswer 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the "relationship" all together. You are being bullied. He has control issues and is tearing down your self-esteem. Don't allow it anymore. When you get married, it will get worse.....MUCH WORSE.
This relationship is one step away from full-on abusive, the only thing missing is the punches.
Try this book: "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.
It doesn't sound like you know that life could be much better for you. Right now, this "man" has a willing slave and lap dog who is letting him boss her around.
Don't you deserve happiness and love, kindness, respect?
End it.....You will be fine and you will be taken care of.
Trust.
2006-12-09 08:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by KD 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that you need to realize that he is not good enough for you. It seems like he is trying to control what you do or don't do and does not respect your individuality and independence.
If you really feel that there is something wrong, then there is something wrong, and you need to do something about it, and that would be, get rid of him. You are not going to change him. People do not change because we try to change them but because they want to. And it seems like he is used to being able to step all over you, and not respect you.
The way I see it, marriage is a partnership. And it seems he doesn't see you as his partner.
Ask yourself these questions:
Do I value my independence?
Do I really like the fact that he forgets my birthday?
Do I want to pay for the wedding? Shouldn't he be helping out with that?
Can I live without ever changing the decor of the house?
Can I deal with his ex picking on me?
Will he ever seem satisfied with what I do for him?
If you value your independence, like being appreciated, like to decorate your dwellings, and want a man you can truly satisfy, dump him, and move on.
You are strong and confident. You can make the right decision.
2006-12-10 13:01:34 · answer #6 · answered by Maria 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please listen to me sweety. this man doesnt not love you. If he loved you he woudnt say anything about your age. He is superficial . Thats scary because if he is talking about your looks he is after looks . The doesnt give you presents on your birthday that fucked up. He seems all for him self and he may want younger he sounds like he has money so he may have girls on the side younger. you need to find someone who doesnt care about your age some one who wants a family or to be a family.
you need to let him go . he will stay with you for someone to stay with meanwhile he isnt going to love you the way you want to be loved and believe me there are lots of men in their fourties and fifties that feel the same way you feel they need some one to love for who they are they arent spring chickens either.Some men want a women their age the men who want young are only looking for a good time he doesnt think about your needs. he isnt thoughtful he may have come from that kind of family. he may have had a father who wasnt thoughtful you cant change him and remember even if you are aging, you can A. get a face lift and some surgerory or B. find some one thoughtful and caring who is going to love you for you.
please let him go.. he is only going to pull youdown and make youfeel lonely and sad. go on yahoo there are nice guys your age looking to settle down. tell him he looks old.
i feel sorry for you
2006-12-09 08:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by sophie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?If he doesn't respect you now he never will.Marriage is about give and take and it looks like its all give and no take with you.Time he did his own washing etc.and paid his share,think he's only using you as a meal ticket.You must decide for yourself but ask yourself why you are asking this question you must have doubts and you need to be sure before you take such a big step in your life.
2006-12-09 08:06:45 · answer #8 · answered by sanny 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont marry him
hes just using you
and it doesnt seem like he cares either
why wont he buy a ring- bet he bought the last one a ring and i bet it was nice
how on earth you let him get away with forgetting your birthday not once but twice i will never know
it seems you have a bit of money (why did you sell your place) hope you didnt give him the money!!!
leave now while you can still enjoy life
good luck
2006-12-09 11:34:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Caroline
The fact that you're asking this on YA shows that you already know what the answer is.
You really need to kick him out of your life. You still could have 40 + years of life left so find someone nice to spend them with.
No one, whether man or woman, should settle for someone who doesn't treat them with respect and love.
We all deserve happiness in our lives no matter what age we are. You need to be strong and set out to find the next stage of your life - just the way you want it to be.
Take care, and good luck.
mojo
x
2006-12-09 07:53:47 · answer #10 · answered by mojorainbow1 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋