When my boyfriend and I get married, we've agreed that it won't be in a church. His parents are very religious (picture of Christ over the bed, Christian gospel is always playing on the radio, etc.).
How should we go about telling them? I'm not so much concerned with them disagreeing with the choice as I am a respectful way to tell them.
(They don't know I'm agnostic. Yet.)
2006-12-09 06:01:23 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
From reading you question, I can tell you have a very mature outlook on life - good for you!! In this situation, just don't make it aobut religion. "I've always wanted to be married........".
I was brought up very religously and it bothered me for sometime that my wedding was not done in a church - until one day some one asked my why a man made building was somehow closer to God then a wedding in a garden, surrounded by His creation. That point may help his parents accept your decision as well - after all, the bible says God is with us everywhere, not just in a church building.
2006-12-09 07:42:28 · answer #1 · answered by Chrys 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you are engaged to discuss possible wedding plans with them... The fact that you are Agnostic should be broached by your fiance prior to your getting engaged he should mention it in passing at some point and then let it lay...
When the time comes and you are engaged planning a wedding. invite them to dinner (in your home, a resturant isn't the setting to discuss this) Serve the meal and dessert talk amicably but not about the subject of the wedding until dinner is completely over... After dinner tell them there is something you and your fiance would like to discuss with them...
Obviously discuss with your fiance first and make sure the two of you are on the same page about it...
Together you and your fiance need to tell them, "We respect your faith and your beliefs however we do not share them, we have chosen to get married and we need to do it in a fashion that suits us which means a civil ceremony rather than a religious ceremony... We want you to be a part of the ceremony because we love and respect you and want you to share with us in our joining together as a married couple.. "
Judge thier reaction they may take it very well and be glad that you have been honest and understand.. Or they may get upset... If they take it well the job is done... If they become upset reiterate your love and respect but stand firm on your decision... It is ultimately thier choice whether they attend a non-relgious ceremony.. Make sure they know they are welcomed and that you both want them there...
Parents often surprise us in thier ability to accept the ones we love...Don't underestimate his parents ability to accept you when they see how happy the two of you are together...
2006-12-09 08:04:16 · answer #2 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't make it about religion. Do you and your fiance attend church regularly? If not then you can always just say you don't have a relationship with a church or minister that you would like to be married in/by. That's our plan. My fiance's family is very religious as well...not so much in an outward manner as yours with the pictures and gospel but in their beliefs they are very conservative christians. We're only having a big wedding to please them but we refuse to have a religious ceremony in a church as my fiance is atheist and I'm just not into organized religion. We're of course not mentioning any of that to them. Your religious affiliation and beliefs are not any of their business...it's your fiances and if he loves you and accepts you then their opinion really doesn't matter. We're simply planning on announcing that our wedding is taking place at this gorgeous local venue (which has outdoor ceremonies and also room indoors for reception etc). If asked why we're just going to mention that we don't have a church or minister and that isn't God everywhere anyway? Good luck and stand firm on your decision!
2006-12-09 10:33:04 · answer #3 · answered by evilangelfaery919 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you have found the venue, just tell them about how great it is, and all of the special things about it that make up why you chose it. Maybe they will not raise the issue. If they do, just reiterate the reasons you think your venue will make the day special and personal for you. Remind them that most weddings these days are done outside of churches, but they can still have a lot of traditional aspects. They may disagree with you on this and on religious choices you make in the future, but respectfully telling them your side is the best you can do.
2006-12-09 06:08:15 · answer #4 · answered by - 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just come right out and tell them that your marital vows will not be in a church. That's the only thing you can do. Its your wedding and if you want to have it on the back of a garage truck because they love you they will be supportive of your choices. I don't blame you for not wanting it in a church. My first marriage when I was 21 was in a church and man do I ever wish I could go back and have changed that.It was in the church because of the wishes of my mother not mine, I too had no idea how to tell her I did not believe in God, although I was raised in the church. My second marriage {2 yrs ago} was beach side and was honestly one of the most beautiful of all my memories. Had my mother been alive I'm sure she would have been supportive of my decision.
2006-12-09 06:10:04 · answer #5 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't tell them before you have to. Have to meaning that you have dodged the answers of where will you have it a million times.
Once you have the place picked out and the invitations ordered go ahead and tell them and then it will be too late.
Explain to them that you understand they are disappointed but you plan on this being your only wedding day and it is about the two of you and you both want to have it at the ______________.
If they ask why just tell them something like, since I was a little girl I pictured a beautiful outside wedding in a place just like this. Or we just walked in to see it and knew it was the place we wanted to be married - it just felt right.
Good luck! I hate awkward situations! SD
2006-12-09 06:24:16 · answer #6 · answered by SD 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't even bring the fact up. Just say, "Oh, we picked a beautiful rose garden to get married in. I can't wait, I'm so excited!" Or where ever you plan to get married. If they ask why not a chapel, then just say you wanted to do something different. Then go back to how happy you are about the place you two have chosen to get married. How wonderful it will be, and etc.
2006-12-09 07:26:40 · answer #7 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you even engaged to him? If not, don't worry about it. Who knows if it will even happen, so why rock the boat.
If you are engaged, have your fiance tell them...they are his parents and he should be able to put it to them in a non-chalant way. He can just mention where you ARE going to have the wedding as opposed to coming right out and being anti-church from the get-go. If you take the reins and tell them, you may be looked at negatively since it is his side of the family. They may assume you are trying to change him.
Good luck!
2006-12-09 07:20:15 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm in the same situation as you, and my fiancee and I haven't told our parents yet either. But, here's what I'm thinking:
Go out to dinner with them (where there won't be a scene) and explain that although you respect their religious beliefs, they don't correspond with your own and you'd rather have a wedding somewhere that makes both you and your fiancee happy and is respectful of both of your beliefs.
2006-12-09 13:25:09 · answer #9 · answered by Galoshes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You simply tell them. I don't think the issue is whether or not you are a believer in God as much as it is that you respect their belief while holding on to your right not to believe. Christ teaches that our lives should be lived so that men and women would be proud to be associated with Him because of how we live. Your future in-laws are sure to accept your decision out of respect for you (and their son). Perhaps at some point you may become open to exploring their beliefs, or they open to exploring yours.
2006-12-09 11:19:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋