I start out dating someone and everything is going great, then I start to pick a stupid fight or tell him about a guy asking me out just to get a reaction from him. I really like this one and don't want to screw it up but I get so insecure and scared that he's going to hurt me. I want to be one step ahead of him and end things if I think that's the way it's going? Help!!??
2006-12-09 05:30:29 · 11 answers · asked by meshell1229 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You answered your own question. If you think it's not going to be perfect, you say things that will cause problems so you can feel justified in ending the relationship.
What kind of hurt are you worried about? Heartache is a pretty definite part of every relationship at one time or another, whether or not the relationship ends. If heartache is constant, you think you are going to be physically hurt, or the person is psychologically abusive, that is reason enough to get OUT.
In short, you do not need to cause problems to find an excuse to end a relationship. If it isn't working for both of you, end it. If it is working for both of you, why ruin a good thing?
Also, it is impossible to sustain a relationship while staying "one step ahead" of someone else. You have to be in it together or you can't expect it to last. Good luck!
2006-12-09 05:41:31 · answer #1 · answered by citizen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are a self-perserving person. actually there is nothing wrong with that in a sense. But you are a little EXTRA with it. Meaning you take it too far. You can't distrust a person you don't know. You need to find out why you don't want to be happy first off. If you wanted to be completely happy you wouldn't put up so many road blocks. And you can't make the next man pay for what the ex man did to you. You need to get over the past forgive yourself for your involvement in any pain caused and keep it moving. Once you've truly gotten over the past, learned to forgive and love yourself then you'll be able to let those walls down a little....
2006-12-09 13:33:51 · answer #2 · answered by Beth J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. You do have a dilemma. Behave yourself. You need to look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself how much you love yourself and you are worthy of other peoples love. Write ten things positive about yourself everyday and put it in a jar. Try to be creative and use different words such as cute, funny, organized, etc. and when you start feeling insecure whip one of those babies out, read it a believe. "You are a wonderful person"!
2006-12-09 13:35:28 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have intimacy issues, there are support groups for this. Talk to your friend, let him know that you have this problem. Be open and honest with him up front. Think about what you are doing before you act upon it. If you love him, then tell him about it. Maybe you need to seek counseling. Something in your past has caused you not to trust, discover what that is, then you should be able to work through it.
2006-12-09 13:34:33 · answer #4 · answered by Jinny E 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I understand.
I'm kind of the same way.
It's like if or when you get hurt so much, people being really mean in one way or another.
Then it's easier to deal with and protect yourself from if you already expect it.
It gets in the way of making good solid valuable relationships though, of any kind.
Good friends are good to find. And to keep.
2006-12-09 13:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to calm down girl every man is not out to break your heart, you have to give somebody a chance you even have to give yourself a chance for love. It's either that of a life of being scared of someone breaking your heart, I'm pretty sure that will be a lonely one
2006-12-09 13:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by Great one 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you need professional counseling to deal with your issues of intimacy and trust. If you have a teacher or pastor you can trust ask them to help you find the counseling.
2006-12-09 13:39:07 · answer #7 · answered by cinsingl83 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have met this type several times myself.
I just fad away from you. You want to argue or get upset?
Do it without me. My stick won't work if I am on guard. That's not fun!
2006-12-09 13:36:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing childlike thing , Cause if u really like him u would
2006-12-09 13:35:15 · answer #9 · answered by marlon G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relax - you are going to test guy's till the day you find the ONE- then your still going to test him lol. it's in your dna- good luck
2006-12-09 13:35:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋