is there anyone here who has gone through this? If so tell me how you dealt with it and if you are in the New York City area and went to counseling can you give me some names of places I can go. I feel like GOD is going to punish me later on in life. If you want to talk to me or give me personal advice the link to my email is in my profile. Thank you and Happy Holidays
2006-12-09 04:49:45 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I did not want to go through with adoption and then have the child looking for me years later, and vice versa. They tell you about open adoption but I know someone who went through that and still ended up having the child hate her because she gave him up. I didnt ask to be judged I asked for advice so if you dont have advice and are going to judge then dont bother answering me. Do you really need 2 points that badly?
2006-12-09 04:57:01 · update #1
By the way I am 21 yrs old and I am MARRIED!
2006-12-09 04:59:41 · update #2
I am a married woman, in a monogamous relationship for almost 2 years so I am not out there sleeping with different guys. Thanks to all the people who gave me positive advice and links and offered to talk to me. God bless you all.
2006-12-09 05:06:33 · update #3
I do not work I am in school. My husband drives trucks at a dairy. He makes pretty good money, but he has a child from a previous relationship and so do I. so there are already 2 children to take care of. My daughters dad passed away and his sons mom is a lesbian. I didnt want to be another black statistic on welfare. (Even some married people go on welfare) I did not ask for criticism I asked for advice and support groups not for people to make me feel worse. I want to kill myself because I feel so bad.
2006-12-12 07:59:36 · update #4
****I had an abortion too****
It took me over a year to get over it as well, in fact I will never forget it.
I did not think, I just reacted. it is my deepest, darkest regret and secret.
The day after I felt so empty, I felt very strongly that there was something missing and deeply regretted it almost immediately. I once saw on an activists sign that abortion hurts women and that definitely is a fact.
Afterwards I went into a deep depression (Post Abortion
Syndrome) I wanted to punish myself so I did alot of drinking and drugs, and entered an abusive relationship.
I do not judge anyones decision, I do wish that there was more information for woman about thier feelings afterwards and the reality of thier decision.
It will be a long ride for you, some women have strong feelings on thier due date as well.
You must absolutely stay away from drugs and alcohol!, they are a downer and will make you feel worse.
Find counselling you can attend, research "post abortion syndrome" (PAS) on the net and talk to other women who understand or who have shared your experiences (many more women have had abortions than you know)
(stay away from anti-abortion websites, you dont need that bullshit right now)
If you contact the place where you had an abortion they will direct you to counselling, it is quite common for women to have these feelings.
I believe that we set our paths of life for learning, and you and your lost child for some reason decided to go through this experience. For me, it brought me to my current boyfriend and child.
*Cry as often as you need to, take a few days to cry it out
*talk to someone about help caring for your child when you feel down so that you can have some healing time to yourself.
*Plenty of baths
Just put one foot in front of the other, this too shall pass,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
2006-12-09 06:31:01 · answer #1 · answered by Pro_Dog_Trainer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have done it. I haven't done it after I had any of my children though. I had one years ago and yes, the guilt followed me for years and eventually led me to abuse alcohol for many years. I get pregnant when my son was 15 months old and for a brief second I considered it again. I did not get counseling but I wish I had. I'm fine now and have the two children and expecting my third around the first of the year.
It's hard and the hardest part is not having anyone to talk to. This is like the taboo subject. My advice is to look on the internet for support groups in your community. There are several you will find one. Talking with other people who have will make this early part a little easier. But as for the long term, it stays painful. The memories never do away. What is between you and Gid is just that, between you and God. If you've asked for forgiveness you know you have received it. Now while I'm not judging you but if you believe in God and are a practicing Christian, why did you do this in the first place. God never gives us more than we can handle and His plan is the only plan. But I was not a practicing Christian when I did have an abortion. I'm sorry I didn't mean to preach at you when you feel bad enough already. Yes do seek support and I hope that it does for you. I'm sorry you are going through this, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this week-end. Also you posted this question on a site that is predominantly anti-abortion so expect a backlash. Take what you want, ignore the rest.
2006-12-09 05:05:40 · answer #2 · answered by 1973kimberly 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Hey sweetie, hang in there. I was prego and had the man refuse to have the baby with me. I had to choose between going on welfare and having the baby or having an abortion. What made it worst is my boss kept telling me he wanted to adopt my baby. He was later fired for looking at porn at work. I am still sad over that and it was 4 1/2 yrs. ago. I have been thinking that God might punish me by not letting me get pregnant now that I am married and want a baby. But, I do not believe that is how he operates. Make sure you grieve the loss and get counseling. Sometimes we are put in a position where we have to make difficult decisions. Don't listen to others when they judge you. Thou shalt not judge and they are just as guilty for judging you. Living with the guilt inside yourself can be torment so don't be harsh on yourself. God loves you no matter what. He died for our sins no matter what sins they are. My belief is that he knows my heart and knows what I am truly sorry and regretful over. I have known many other women that have had 1 or 2 children and have had one or two abortions due to unplanned pregnancy. You are not alone. Please make sure you grieve and get some counseling to deal with the loss.
2006-12-10 17:53:25 · answer #3 · answered by babygrlpls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a difficult decision and it's natural to feel sad. I haven't had one but someone close to me had one. She was in a monogamous relationship and a stomach flu (ie lots of throwing up) messed up her birth control (oral contraceptives). She was an adult, but financially and emotionally they weren't ready to have a baby. Does she still feel sad--yes, on occation she mentions it. Does she think having an abortion was the right thing to do--absolutely because if she had had that baby she would have been stuck in a dead end job living in her mother-in-law's basement. While babies can be wonderful little miracles that bring a lot of joy into the world, the day-to-day emotional and financial strain of raising up a good human being can be too much. I'm not saying that you are an unfit parent, but there are a lot of people out there who have kids who really shouldn't have had them in the first place. Sometimes it works out and sometimes the parent's resentment at being tied down to a child just creates years of therapy for a child later in life.
Contact your local Planned Parenthood, they might be able to recommend a councelor. Also, check out The November Group. They're a group of people who provide counceling for women who have had abortions and I believe they have some clergy members involved. Take care.
2006-12-09 05:27:40 · answer #4 · answered by ivybear98 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to feel sad. It is not an easy thing to do, I'm sure your decision was the right one for YOU. Trust me you will stop being depressed, you just cant doubt your decision, whats done is done. The best thing you can do is talk to someone let out all your feelings. Do not hold them in, that's what will make you even more depressed. Take care and I hope you can take this advice and use it. Have a good Christmas and a new years
2006-12-13 03:01:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. The deed has been done and there is nothing you can do now except ask for God's forgiveness and forgive yourself. Don't let this happen again. Be very cautious with your birth control method/s and if you get pregnant anyway, even with your best efforts, then realize that another baby is God's plan for you. In this most holy time of the year, do some good deeds for others to try and lift your spirits and self worth. May God bless and keep you and your child. I am praying for you all.
2006-12-09 04:57:44 · answer #6 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
I had an abortion last year in December. It took me almost a year to get over what I had done. I knew I made the right decision for me and I unfortunately let other peoples opinions influence me afterwards...one of the reasons I think it took so long to get over. I didn't seek counselling, I found writing about my feelings helped the most and surrounding myself with positive people (even if they didn't know what I did). Everyone is different though. There may be a community clinic in your area that offers short term counselling.
Feel free to write me if you want to talk.
2006-12-09 04:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
well i just wanted to say that, i speak not from personal experience but i have a best friend who went through this two times. first you have realize that what you did was not wrong, you made a responsible decision not to bring a life in this world that you knew you werent ready for. You are a human bein and your entitled to make your own decisions, just stay strong and stay positive. in time the wound will heal. God will not punish you its not a wrong thing to do in my belief, as long as a women doesent use abortion as a form of birth control, i applaude you for making a right decision,,, i moved out of the nyc area but i think that you can call the clinic you went to and ask if there are any counseling options availible for you. good luck and best wishes and please dont bajer yourself over this.
2006-12-09 05:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Whats the point of judging her people??? It was her child! She did what she thinks was best. My sister had twins and was pregnant again and she decided to get a abortion. Its natural to feel guilty and depressed. You will never forget about it but you can't put alot of stress on yourself. You have a child and you being down in the dump isn't gonna help the child you have. get some rest and talk to your hubby.....go to counseling...just dont feel down in the dump.....if you need somebody to talk to my email is.... mrs.cherry@yahoo.com
2006-12-17 04:09:58 · answer #9 · answered by I_Love_ma_kidz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can I tell you? You made a really difficult decision and now you must face consequences. I truly believe that seeking counseling is a way to, if you decide to take such decisive steps then don't fear what's ahead of you otherwise you'll end up doing things you will regret in this life to be "safe in the afterlife" and that's even worst.
2006-12-09 05:01:47 · answer #10 · answered by Lil' Gay Monster 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋