How do I get my brothers to help me take financial care of our elderly, feable mother? They are each far away, they call her but not one of them has ever sent her money, gift certifcates, anything. Don't get me wrong, I adore my mother, I don't mind taking care of her, I know that its impossible for them to drive her on her weekly errands & appts.She lives on Social Security and doesn't have enough money to live. She needs things like blankets, medicine, FOOD, clothes. I literally spend hundreds of dollars every month making sure she haswhat she needs. I hint that it would be helpful if they sent "gift certificates" for groceries, but not once has that come to fruition. I rarely talk to them, and it sucks that when I do I have to ask them to help, which they never comply. They dont even send her Christmas gifts. Also, they have no problem asking her for things "when she is done with them" like precious family heirlooms, which she immediately puts in the mail to them!
2006-12-09 03:39:04 · 6 answers · asked by Tinker925 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am so sorry to hear that.
Personally, I can never see myself doing such a thing to my mother.
I admire everything that you are doing and I think your mother is very lucky to have such a loving child.
Here is what I would do:
I would take pictures of them as children with your mother and put it in a nice little album and then I would put pictures of her now.
I would send that with a letter saying pretty much what you are saying in your question. Explaining that she has done her best to bring them up to be the best that they could be and that now she needs their help.
State everything that she needs and ask them to please participate in any way that they can and that it will be appreciated greatly.
I would avoid talking about them asking for things because that would upset them and I don't think that you are looking for that.
Maybe you can find a nice way to remind them that they too will some day be old and what would happen if their children did that to them. (This sentence is not put together properly but I'm sure you understand what I'm getting at.)
I really hope this helps you... Good Luck!
2006-12-09 03:58:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That situation will not change. Why, I don't know. My wife and I are looking after her mother (88) who is an absolute pain in the tail. Somewhere down the line, she and her son, my wife's brother, had a problem. He lives 30 miles away and only comes to see her twice a year - which in my estimation is too much because I hate the man. She has a grandson who only lives 30 miles away in another direction, he never comes to see her.
There are no phone calls, no letters, only an occasional card or an envelope with pictures that were not worth keeping in the first place.
In 15 years, there has never been any financial assistance, no one has said, "can I give y0u any assistance in taking care of her," or anything.
So don't expect things to change.
2006-12-09 05:31:31 · answer #2 · answered by Polyhistor 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very sad unfortuntley some people are like that, and moms can't tell there kids no, so the only thing i can really suggest is asking for some public aid for your mother. They have a lot of senior services that could possibly help for meds and food. Also depends on what state I can possibly find some links that canhelp with free clothing and household items. Also checkout the freecycle on yahoogroups for your location!
2006-12-09 04:14:02 · answer #3 · answered by kmiller 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your mom is alert enough to mail out things, Then I believe that you can have a money talk. and in stead of just mailing out, sell those heirlooms to your bothers.
You could also make a monthly statement, showing its divided by 3 with the amount that is owed. The first one you sent, Send a detail message, informing then of the statement and why you send it. I also know several families, that take turns caring for their mom or dad, Mom goes to live with each child for a couple of months. In doing that, its a great thing for mom. and for family, everyone gets a break and everyone gets to help and MOM, she gets to travel and send time with her children.At holidays, birthdays thing of that nature , send a list of things that Mom needs. say 10 items and they must sent 3 out of the ten.
if no responds, when mom wants to mail, do it for her and keep those heirlooms , placing them back in moms house.
2006-12-09 04:23:05 · answer #4 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly this happens all over the place. I hate to sound like a broken record, but what comes around goes around. Your siblings will get there's in the end, because I assure you they are raising their children the same way and when they are old, they will be in a horrible old folks home. Take heart, know that you are doing the right thing! I for one one commend you!
2006-12-09 03:51:53 · answer #5 · answered by go1den1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is sad and i am sure alot of people have this same problem . You can't make anyone do anything if they don't want to though. All you can do is tell them and hopefully they will step foward and help .
2006-12-09 03:44:59 · answer #6 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋