Why do moms and daughters have a hate-love relationship most of the time?

Question

My mom is 70 years old, has retired and moved to another country. Before she left, she wrote me a hateful letter saying I am not grateful for everything she has done for me,specifically the money she spent sending me to college. I loved her so much and I can not understand why has showed me so much hate all these years, I have 4 brothers and she said she feels she is more loved by them. SHe says she is jealous specially now that I am married and I give more to my husband. I have an only daughter and my mom tells me that my daughter will grow up not respecting me, as she feels I don't show respect to her. I try not to argue and just keep things to myself but her hurtful words gives me guilt when I don't talk to her. It's CHristmas and I don't know if I should call her because I feel that we already have a gap now that she lives so far.

Answer 1

This book should be read by every teenage girl or even anyone who has ever felt lonely or misunderstood, it's amazing,

http://astore.amazon.com/mwer-20/detail/0670061050/103-6324135-9835818

Answer 2

There will come a time in anyone's life we will be facing our insecurities and mostly likely it would occur in the late years for female. The relationship between mothers and daughters is probably both the most fruitful and the most fraught a woman ever has. It's the source of the deepest love and deepest anger - even hate - we ever experience. This doesn't happen with sons simply because with mothers and daughters we are brought face to face with reflections of ourselves, and that forces us to confront who we are, who we want to be and how we relate to others. No bond is stronger than that between mother and daughter. We can either regard it as a ribbon that ties a beautiful gift or a tie that binds and imprisons. Its christmas talk to your mother make her feel you love her even you'll be quarrelling with her.

Answer 3

Just talk to your Mom. Tell her that you DO appreciate everything she has done for you and you love her dearly.
My Mom's relationship with her Mom wasn't the greatest either, but when my Mom caught the house in fire by accident(on the stove) my Mom phoned my Grandma and asked her to pick something up for us kids to eat. When she brought it over my Mom thanked her and told her how much she appreciates her and how much she really does love her. Ever since then my Mom and Grandma have been closer.

And your daughter may, or may not respect you. I love my Mom to death, she's my best friend.......so I think I respect her ^_^

Good luck, I hope you can patch things up with your Mom, after all life's to short to do nothing but fight in a relationship, don't you agree?

Answer 4

Expectations.....Some people and some cultures even today have always had high expectations for men and actually none for women. As a woman you know either you bond with your mother from an early age or you never really click. All you can do is learn from it so that you don't do the same thing to your daughters.

Answer 5

ur mom just dusnt know that u love her that much, bcuz ur keeping everything to urself. talk to her on chrismas, it'll make her realize u actually love her and then everythign will be fine.

Answer 6

she sounds like a selfish person, ur a grown woman, with ur own family now.... sounds to me she's jealous she isn't a part of ur day to day life. i'd still call her for christmas, after all, she is ur moither, geez.

Answer 7

because daughters THINK they know everything
while the MOM is really the one who knows everything