How can I gain self esteem and self confidence?

Question

I am convinced that I am the ugliest/fattest/stupidest person on the earth.

Okay, I'm not that bad, but I do feel exremely down on myself most of the time. I am extremely insecure and I don't feel attractive at all most of the time. I feel like a big fat cow (I'm a size 12 and weigh about 150 at 5'3"). I know people have told me that's not big, but I feel huge.

I know the root of the problem isn't my smarts, looks, or weight, it's my self esteem, so I ask this: How do I gain self-esteem?? I want to "get my sexy back." I am only 33 and feeling sexy and pretty is still very very important to me. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

This is having a devistating effect on my current releationship. My boyfriend isn't the most charming of men, and he can sometimes say things that come out wrong, like "yes you have a big butt, but I like it." I Know he's trying to pay me a compliment with the "I like it" comment, but all I hear is "Yes you have a big butt."

Answer 1

Self esteem begins with "self"....you have programmed yourself to have a low opinion of who you are and what you look like. You need to deprogram yourself! A great book is "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay; also "Codependent no more" by Melodie Beattie as well as "The Game of Life....and how to play it" by Florence Scovel Shinn. These will give you the tools necessary to deprogram your mindset. Kudos for recognizing this within yourself and trying to undo what has been done!! Recognition is the first step in a healthier attitude! Remember, taking care of yourself is NOT being selfish, it's your job! You know you're doing a good job when you can look in the mirror at yourself and say the ever important words "I love you"! ((yeah, ya can't do that right now, can you??))

If you would like more assistance, please e-mail me & I'll try and help you more. I've been there...done that...and am feeling sooo much better now!!

Answer 2

If he is making you feel low about your self esteem, it's time to let him go and find someone who is not going to put you down. you need to stay away from these type of people or put them in their place. I would try and find some interests where you are able to gain a bit of confidence which will help you like yourself a more. I would get rid of anyone who is toxic or likes to put you down. Next time your boyfriend does that, why not confront him and ask him why he does what he does. I am sure he won't know what to say.

Answer 3

Your boyfriend is an idiot.

Now that I've established that, self -esteem comes from within. You have to figure out what it is that you don't like and fix it. You will always have to work on things, no one is perfect.

Stop comparing yourself to others and be yourself. You will find that your okay.

Being sexy is more about attitude. If you put a Nun in a low cut shirt and mini skirt, would that be sexy? From afar maybe, but if she can't carry it off.........she's not sexy.

Answer 4

Having a big butt is a complement!!!! Men love big butts!!! Anyways, A size 12 when you are only 5'3 is large...you have a BMI of 26.6 when these are the guidelines:
Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

So, it might be smart to start eating healthier and do healthy excerise 30 minutes a day in the morning for the new year...it will help you have a better body image (not to mention improve your skin and body). You will be able to handle anger better, don't smoke if you do, and the better you feel, the more confidene and self-esteem you will have!

Answer 5

I took charge of my life and started working out so I can look and feel good about myself. It sure takes dedication and it is frustrating at times but never give up. In the long run, you will not only look good, but feel better about yourself from the inside. And you will be healthier and sexier too!!!

Therefore, I highly recommend Excercising (Working Out)!!!

Answer 6

My girl, why do you accept it this way, don't you know that everything can change now... Believe if you start trying to lose weight you will already feel better. Look! Persist on change, this persistence will automatically elevate your self esteem. You need persistence.

Answer 7

surround your self with people who care about you, don't be afraid to try new things. Be happy your man pays attention at all alot of us only get " move your big butt from the the tv your blocking the game.

Answer 8

Satsang: Swami Sukhabodhananda

Commitment is the language of the wise; complaint is that of fools. Commitment is a responsibility and it includes accountability.

Our weaknesses result in disappointment. To overcome disappointment, boost your strengths. The greatest strength comes from the energy of commitment that brings excellence in all walks of life. Few people traverse the road of success without a puncture or two, but it is commitment to excellence that takes them through.

To be committed is not being ‘stuck’; it is an integration of one’s being. If you are committed to honour your word, the base self in you will discourage you. If your energies are low, you will succumb. If you follow the higher self, the lower self will serve you, slowly getting integrated with the higher. In such a state there will be integrity. Without integrity life is shallow.

You are both actor and thinker. Every time you lie, the thinker warns you that you are lying and the actor asks you to shut up and continue telling lies. It is like riding a chariot with two horses going in two different directions. With commitment, however, you are a person of integrity, and excellence is attainable.

Can we test before we trust? >>

Like an eagle, can we test before we trust?

Eagles lay eggs on a cliff or high peak in nest of grass and thorns. When the eggs hatch, the weight of the eaglets exerts pressure and the thorns start pricking the newborns. Then the female pushes the eaglets out of the nest. As the eaglets nearly fall, the male picks them and places them back in the nest.

Meanwhile, the female removes the upper layer of grass, so that the eaglets rest directly on the thorns that prick them. The eaglets are yet to test their wings. Now the male pushes the eaglets out of the nest. This process continues till such time that the eaglets are able to foresee the danger in falling and start using their wings. Slowly they realise their ability to use their wings and start flying.

Observe the commitment of an eagle reflected in the way it executes family responsibilities and the way it conducts itself while parenting. Bring similar commitment to all walks of life; be it in the family, at work, in society or in your spiritual life. Excellence happens when there is love that helps you to grow and contribute.

Commitment also involves dropping illusions. We do not see the world as it is; we see it projected through our verbose minds. Our minds are filled with thoughts and words. Words represent experiences. Words are also influenced by memory. From the past, we see the present. Hence we create illusions created by words, but we must filter them wisely.

The mind creates dreams. The aware self in you sees reality. Awareness without the ‘I’ is the higher self. The mind with its illusions is the lower self. Have the commitment to operate from the higher self.

Through commitment, balance all walks of your life... family, work, social and spiritual. Creativity is to balance all walks of life. Creativity is just not creating something new always. Creativity brings excellence in one’s life. It is a state of well-being. Well-being creates completion. When one is complete, one is alive and vibrant in all walks of life.

Answer 9

if you feel like your that big which your not then go on a diet it will make you feel 100 percent better about yourself once you start making progress and go out and buy something for yourself like sexy lingerie hehe.

Answer 10

i think (from your words ) you are agreat person with alot of kindness in your heart , but you lose one of the most important things , " the believe " ya you must believe first , believe in your self , your personality , relations , .. every thing in your live , because if you believe in your self , every one will believe in you .