My mother in law is totally dependent on her children. My husband is the middle child out of 3. His older sister is 51, and younger sister is 35. My mother in law lives in a small house on the "hood" side of town. She is also a chain smoker. She has chained smoked for 40 something years. Her home is nasty, because of the chain smoke of over 40 years and also her dog pees everywhere in the house - was never trained to pee outside. No one likes to stay at her house, it's not sanitary at all.
My mother in law can no longer see. She is beyond legally blind. She takes 50 diff medications, has one of those oxygen machines, and now, developed severe cataracts and is almost blind.
She has to have someone stay with her at her house during the night because she is scared at night to stay by herself. We can't do this. So my question is: Should we put her in a nursing home or continue to be inconveinenced? And believe me, she doesn't care if we are inconveinenced anyways.
2006-12-09 01:12:54 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
See no one wants to stay with her because her house is so filthy and also the walls are covered in soot from the chain smoking. Trust me, this lady smokes like a chimney. See the reason she is still kicking is because she has never had to stress about anything in her life because there was always someone there to pick up the pieces and take care of her. She is totally dependent. People who generally have no stress live longer ya know, regardless of health issues. This bird will be kicking 20 years from now, smokes -n- all. LOL
2006-12-09 01:22:47 · update #1
First of all, its very noble of you to consider her feelings even though she is not considering yours. I think when age catches up with us we get so set in our way of life that things should not be distrurbed. Having said that, I would tell her look Mom, we love you and want whats best for you but "YOU"need to make a choice, either we cleane up your house and let someone stay with you in the night or you have to choose a Nursing Home. Its your choice Mom!
Leave it to her decision ( Got the idea?)
2006-12-09 01:19:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a horrible situation. I endured this with my uncle, he had no children and all of my siblings refused to help. So, I had to step up to the plate. He did not have a dog, he had several cats that did the same thing. This is how I handled it, first of all you must allow her to make the choices. You can not change her behaviors, this is who she is and always has been unfortunately. Sit down with her and your husband and simply explain. We are at a point that it is obvious you are in need of care, unable to be alone at night. So we have a couple of options. We hire someone to come and stay with you, or we place you in a nursing home. Let her decide. However, make it clear to her, that she will have to hire a cleaning crew to come and clean the house of the filth, or the health department will step in and remove her from the home and then she will go to an nursing home. And hire someone to stay with her in the evenings. It would be better for her if this is what she chooses, and less strain and stress on the family. Also much cheaper regarding the cost. Make some phone calls and get all of the information gathered and then present it to her. Allow her to make the choice with the understanding that she must make one. Home health aid or nursing home. And be clear, with a home health aid, the house must be cleaned, no one is going to work under those conditions. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-09 09:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would look into nursing facilities for sure .She has to realize the smoking has to stop or atleast be curbed some. I am sorry but if she is totally non-compliant with rules then a nursing facility won't work either i am afraid. Maybe someone can go and clean up the house some !
2006-12-09 09:36:53 · answer #3 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take care of my father. My first thought was if my husband wanted to put my father in a home I would be very upset. Have you or your husband asked if she would like to live in a nursing home. My suggestion is to hire someone to stay with her. That way it takes alot of the pressure off you as far as cleaning and housework go. Its very hard to find a nursing home that would give her the attention she needs.
2006-12-09 10:31:23 · answer #4 · answered by CHRISTINE S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally do have parents over 70 but neither are in this situation of unsanitary/insane conditions. Personally her house should be condemned - talk to the health authorities and secondly she should be put in a home....indeed they will not allow her to smoke incessantly...I quit a year ago but I am 41...she has no need to quit. She'd pretty much dying anyway. Sorry if this sounds harsh but she needs the health authorities involved. Hope this helps.
2006-12-09 09:27:19 · answer #5 · answered by brynslyn2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to reason with her but be nice.Tell her the situation.Tell her that if she will work with you guys then you will work with her.Then tell her firmly but gently that the alternative is a nursing home.Good Luck and God Bless.
2006-12-09 10:07:46 · answer #6 · answered by Mr Bellows 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds as though she cannot take care of herself even with your help. Your best bet would be to round up everyone, talk, and TAKE ACTION ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
I would look into getting her a nursing home.
2006-12-09 09:19:13 · answer #7 · answered by JASNJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a look at my profile. I take care of both of mine as well. I put up with far more than you do, I promise you that. Human pee is worse than a dog. My parents house is beyond nasty and filthy. Mom is a pack rat from hell and I think with her, that is really and understatement to say the least. I have been in many many houses, and my parents homes is the worst by far. You see my mom does NOT believe in throwing ANYTHING away. Neither of my parents smoke but I do. I don't live in there home but I live next to their house.But their house does stink to high heaven with the urine smell from them. Dad some times has a hard time of getting to the bathroom fast enough. Mom has something wrong with her bladder and she "leaks" all the time.They live in a 3 bedroom house and I promise you there is ONLY a path from their front door threw the living room to the kitchen and to the bathroom. You can not get in any of the other rooms at all, you can't even go down the hall way to get to the bedrooms. Every room in the house is packed from wall to wall and from floor to ceiling.
My mom is almost blind herself, she gripes about anything and everything all the time. Dad wants to go to town every day, he hates staying at home. But neither one of them can drive at all any more so it is up to me to take them every where they go.
I not only gave up my job, but gave up my bf to come here to help take care of my parents. Now it has turned out that I am doing it alone. My sister-in-law lives right next door to us with her grown son, his wife and baby..daughter, her husband. They don't lift a finger to help me at all. They are fighting against me.
These are my parents and I am going to try my best to take care of them no matter what. They raised me for 18+ years and now it is my turn to take care of them. I will not put my parents in a nusing home for love or money. This is their home here. Now I know this is your husbands mom. Think how it would be if this were your own mom instead of his. When people get old, things really get tough for them. They can't get out and do the things that they liked doing before and they don't like it. I am just going to try to enjoy them now while I can as I will not have another set of parents again. Once they are gone, they are gone for good.
Here is another thing that is going on here, their house is so nasty that we can only stand in front of the washing machine and a path to the dryer, well the washing machine went out and there is so much crap around it that we can't even pull it out to see what is wrong with it. I have my washing machine here that I had. It is out side, so we wash clothes out side and then carry them back to the house to put in the dryer. Believe me, I know what you are going threw. In one since I really think it is worse here. She has a cook stove, there is only one burner that is working on it and nothing else.
I could go on and on about what it is like here taking care of my parents, but I think you can get the picture now. That is your mother-in-law that you are taking about and this is my parents. You could always look at it like this I guess, she my be an inconveinence to you now but she won't be around for ever and then you will not have that burden any more. But with me, I don't mind it at all as THEY ARE my parents. I don't mind putting my life on hold for them.
2006-12-09 10:06:16 · answer #8 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can she stay with you??...if not, you can hire someone to stay with her, it would be cheaper than a nursing home....or put her in one
2006-12-09 09:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by bugger_nsox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋