i have a boyfriend for 3 years he is working as a seaman..he proposed to get married should i accept his proposal or not..?
but i have so many things that needs to be done for myself and for my family im 24 years old my boyfriend same age.. there are so many things that i need to consider...im still studying.. after i graduate i need to help my family as well as to enjoy being single..and for him to help his family..his proposal is so tempting he has a good plan for us at the same time i dont want him to feel bad..by the way his family likes me andhe already asked permission from his parents and they said ok..
2006-12-09 00:56:33 · 26 answers · asked by kirsten 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The groom is supposed to ask for permisson from the bride's parents, not his own.
2006-12-12 06:54:04 · answer #1 · answered by Sublimity86 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you'd love to accept his proposal but there are a lot of things you'd like to make better with your life so you can be a good wife. Too many people get married because they seem it's the next step in the relationship. Considering he is probably working away a lot, he's had time to think about a lot of things. However, it's better to wait until you two have your lives on track so you can work together towards the common goal of having A LIFE built together. What you're feeling is completely normal; marriage is a big step. When you say you feel that way it shows you really think things through rather than being impulsive, so marriage, whenever it happens, would mean more to you than those people that just accept on impulse. Enjoy life while you can and settle down when you're ready to. Since he obviously loves you so much, he will understand as long as you're tactful in explaining things.
2006-12-09 01:09:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I don't think at the age of 24 he should ask his parents if it is ok for him to be married!! He needs to grow up and stand on his own. I think from experience that if you rush into things more than likely it will not work out. How long have you know this guy?? Does he have an education?? If you decided to marry him and you have kids...will his job support you and the children?? I think you need to weight the positives and the negatives. Sometimes you need to step back and evaluate the situation from another point of view before you dive in head first. You are still young and if you decide that you will except the proposal don't get married right away. Finish school and get yourself secure so if it doesn't work out you can always stand on your own. Don't put yourself in a situation where you will be left high and dry in the end. Have a plan for the what if's!!
2006-12-09 01:13:14 · answer #3 · answered by Floridapurrfection 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Greetings to you,
10 reasons why you should say NO from your own words!
It seems you really didn't need to ask this question, because the answer is trying to bust out of your own heart.
1) he is working as a seaman.. ( how often will be home?)
2) i have so many things that needs to be done for myself ( well then you need to do them first)
3) i have so many things that needs to be done for my family ( if your not ready to cut from your Mom then your not ready to give yourself to a husband)
4) there are so many things that i need to consider ( then you havn't made up your mind anyway about this guy.
5) im still studying.. after i graduate... ( for god's sake make sure you graduate first, or you might never ever..
6) enjoy being single.. ( Hmmmm then you need to check the other studs on the farm)
7) for him to help his family.. ( if your going to suport both of your familys, good luck with trying to manage your own)
8) his proposal is so tempting ( Tempting ? trying something you don't like or want to do is tempting)
9) i dont want him to feel bad..( sounds likes you really already know your answer, worry more about yourself, I wouldn't want you to feel bad if you make a bad choice here)
10) he already asked permission from his parents and they said ok..( Hmm?? I would think that at this point he would have asked your father and mother, Not his!)
The Great Oz
2006-12-09 01:28:38 · answer #4 · answered by The_great_OZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should marry this man now, if at all. You do not say anything about being in love. You are still a student which needs to be a priority at this time in your life. And when you talk about wanting to enjoy being single, that is what you should do.
You are still young. You have the rest of your life to get married, but only a few years to be young. Do what you need to do for you. And it doesn't sound like that is marriage right now.
2006-12-09 01:07:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to convince yourself, force yourself or be manipulated into saying "yes", then say "no". If you think either you or he needs to change (stop a bad habit, quit an addiction, convert to another religion etc) then that would be a "no".
If you love him, want him and think you could be with him for the rest of your life, have his children and accept him fully, all the while if he loves you, wants you, and wants you to be the mother of his children, and is ready to accept you and all your issues, then by all means say "yes".
If after 3 years you don't know if you want him, why are you still with him? Similarly, why did it take him so long to propose? But hey, it's all in the details, isn't it?
2006-12-09 01:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by curly bob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are not ready for marriage to him. If you have ANY doubts, do NOT marry him. Marriage is a life long commitment. Don't marry someone just because he'll feel bad if you say you're not ready! You haven't mentioned something important...do you love him?
From my past experience, if one partner isn't ready for marriage and the other one is and keeps pushing it, it's a HUGE sign that he is a controlling person. Your life will be hell with a control freak!
Take care of yourself, get an education, get a good job, prepare yourself so that you can be the best person you can be. And, don't be pressured into marriage, until it's the right time for you. If he really loves you, he'll understand and be patient.
2006-12-09 01:04:00 · answer #7 · answered by Lou 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kirsten, I am so happy that you are intelligent enough to explore your doubts about this situation. But first, I have to ask some probing questions about your relationship:
1. How much time do you spend together? If he is at sea, it really isn't much of a relationship, unless you are ready for months being alone with your electric playmates.
2. Have you ever sat down face to face and discussed YOUR PLAN ARRIVED AT TOGETHER for the both of you?
Either getting married or not getting married will work in this case, but unless you both have a clear understanding and buy-in to BOTH YOUR PLANS, then I see problems.
Good Luck
2006-12-09 01:07:43 · answer #8 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lady listen to me and say YES YES ...... every thing as you say is OK....
if we make a compression between what you want and what he want then :
you
1- still studying
2 - help my family
3 - enjoy being single
him
1-to get married
2- help his family
3-he has a good plan for us
4-his family likes me
5-his parents and they said OK
by the way you can study and then graduate as the same time
2006-12-09 01:16:11 · answer #9 · answered by lol_as4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can certainly accept his proposal though if so, I would suggest that it be a lengthy engagement.
What you've written indicates that you are not yet ready to settle into a married life:
"... after i graduate i need to help my family as well as to enjoy being single ..."
Helping your family can be done while you are married ...enjoying being single cannot.
Looks like you're not ready to settle down. I wouldn't accept his proposal quite yet.
2006-12-09 01:01:23 · answer #10 · answered by va_morgan_lpn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES!!!! I'd say yes, just push back the marrige date (after you graduate). You'll still have time to help your family. The big thing is: GRADUATION!!!! Get an education (and job) before you start a family. Good luck with Mr. Right! : )
2006-12-09 01:05:36 · answer #11 · answered by emjackson95 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋