..i have a 4 year old son..i am an only child..he is an only grandchild..my mum is nearly 60 and had a stroke which put her in a wheelchair at the age of 43..so her health is bad..i love them dearly and want us all to have a great christmas but mum and i argue so much..i bite my tongue as her health is bad..too much stress may kill her..but why should i put up with endless put downs which she then tries to rectify by spending money on me or my son...all i want is a sorry...not more bath oils or whatever...help...we are due to spend 2 weeks there..i will never last that long less she LISTENS to me...her 'selective' memory is superb...hears wot she likes..remembers less...but christmas is about family the way i see it and i love them so much...we just do not get along all the time...do i stay at home with my son or go and risk it all kicking off on christmas day...help.....happy hols.....
2006-12-08 23:17:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I agree with FIONA´S, she is using you playing with the fact that she is i´ll , & she think´s because of that you have to do what she want´s , well as much as you love your mum , she´ll just have to come to term´s that your going to have a nice Christmas with or without her. Sure she will change her mind when she see´s that you mean what you say. So say It. Merry Christmas
2006-12-09 01:56:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right - Christmas is all about being with family and close friends. But in my humble opinion, within all that, it's mainly for the children, where there are any. So my view would be to try to have a good chat about this with your mum first (although I assume you have tried to do that already), maybe trying to put her more at ease by acknowledging your own faults (none of us is perfect!).
But at the end of the day, if she just isn't prepared to budge, I think you need to put your son first and stay at home. You could stay home for Christmas Day and then visit your mum at some other part of Christmas, but from the fact that you are due to spend 2 weeks there I'm guessing you live some distance apart.
2006-12-09 07:36:30 · answer #2 · answered by Andy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are going to have to have it out with your mum I know that it will be hard but for your own sanity you are going to have to. The thing is you do it in a calm way hopefully she will listen to you. Tell her that you love her very much and you want to have a good Christmas but you don't like the fact that she puts you down and doesn't listen to what you have to say.
She might not like it but at least you would have said your bit, also why don't you tell her that due to things that have happend you will not be able to spend 2 weeks with her you can only spend just over a week with her, but you will try and come back soon, because you want your son to see the family.
If you say that at least you will be there for Christmas and you can leave without spending the full two weeks and then at least no-body can say that you didn't visit
2006-12-09 14:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When family relations are strained, visits should be kept short and sweet. Don't go for 2 weeks. That just gives you time to get sick of each other and argue back and forth about the same things. Go for 2 days. That way, you'll still be more of a novel guest when you leave, than the good-for-nothing family member.
2006-12-09 07:25:01 · answer #4 · answered by ladybugewa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mother is behaving badly because she can and you let her get away with it, she is not delicate she is just in a wheelchair and is manipulating you. it is difficult but tell her how you feel and that if the bad atmosphere is going to be in the home this Christ mas you will take her grandchild somewhere more pleasant for the child's sake.
Stress rarely kills.
you and your son are family do what is best for him.
good luck and enjoy the festival.
2006-12-09 07:26:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spend christmas day with your son & make it special for him & go to your mother on boxing day. A caring mother/grandmother would understand. Your loyalty is with your son. Perhaps two days would be better than a couple of weeks.
2006-12-09 18:35:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no need for anyone to go through that and dread spending time with someone. Personally I would stay at home with my son and make the day as special as possible for him.
2006-12-09 07:22:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are sick of the arguments and the child is starting to pick up on these. If she won't modify her behaviour you will apply the ultimate sanction....stop her seeing her grandson.
Does she look down on you because your relationship failed? My grandmother looked down on my Mum when she had a divorce. The rows were terrible.
xxB
2006-12-09 07:25:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will not be easy to do but I suggest that you write to her (non-judgementally) explaining how you feel. Tell her that you are an adult now and that you both need to accept that and treat each other as such..
You could suggest that you do not stay quite as long if it is difficult for her
I wish you well
2006-12-09 11:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a hard one, can't you speak to your mum and say let's try and have no arguments over the xmas period for the sake of your son you don't want to spoil his xmas and see how you get on. good luck .
2006-12-09 07:24:10 · answer #10 · answered by MISSY G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋