Thank you for all answers...... but My son keep asking me about his dad ( where is it , other kids at school ... )I told him that his dad is travelling and he is very busy, I never talk bad about his dadand my son is very spoiled but I am stuck for words .... when my boy ask me to take me to him to meet him . ( after zillions of time I ve ask him , even my boy left him a message on his voicemail) his only answer was he his not ready ? meanwhile ..... what do I say to my son ?
2006-12-08 20:32:56 · 36 answers · asked by CyberMum 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My litle boy has never seen his dad, he just didn't want to know. Hes 9 now so obviously has asked questions. I told him we were young when he was born, and his dad just wasnt ready to have or want baby but i however wanted him very much. its not easy, but be as honest as you can but gentle with it ..good luck
2006-12-08 20:37:16 · answer #1 · answered by serephina 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh dear, I am sorry that your relationship did not work out and I can tell how upsetting it is for you.
I can understand why you spoil your son and I am sure that I would do the same. However sitting out here on the side lines I think you need to start thinking long term about your little boy.
Try and see things from the lads point of view. If you do not tell him the truth then he will resent you later when you try to and others are right when they say that you will have to at some stage.
If you feel angry because the boys father has gone be careful. You appear already to be giving the lad a positive picture of his missing father and I suggest you continue with this.
Give your son answers in terms of none of us being perfect, something your son has done wrong (eg. at school), something you have done wrong (eg. whilst shopping) and then explain that although his father is a very nice man he does not want to live at home any more, but somewhere else. I would say that the father still cares about his son, because "not ready" suggests that he is finding it just as hard as his son to come to terms with what he has done. If you get to a question that is too hard to answer try a little gentle humour - if it does not go down well it might at least detract from the drama.
You sound a sensitive and caring mother, use this to respond to your little boys anger and upset. I can't say any more because I am not there, but good luck.
2006-12-08 22:45:14 · answer #2 · answered by Aunty Wendy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him the truth...but be gentle in how you chose your words and when and where you decide to tell him. Children can adjust better then you think & telling him a lie will only make you look bad in the end...you are basically allowing him to live a lie. He deserves to know the truth but take the time to also renforce your love and concern to him as well. Let him know that his father loves him in his own way or is going through a time of change and that if he just keeps loving him and give him time he will come around in his own time if he choses. Either way your son will not be set up for later heart break. Good Luck!
2006-12-09 00:21:49 · answer #3 · answered by lil redneck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have a real heart to heart with your son! Tell him exactly what his father has said!! If he is still determined, then tell him you will make a plan, but also explain to him that his father could refuse to see him! I would find out when the father is home, and just turn up with your son! Somehow, you are protecting the father but making up stories .. don't .. little ones see the truth themselves .. and if anything, your son derserves the truth. The fact that the father is not ready is not your problem!! Force the situation and remember ... its for your son. Just take him there ... after 7 years, he has had time enough to get ready! Good luck
2006-12-08 20:40:20 · answer #4 · answered by lynne 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You continue in the same manner ..until his father is ready to meet his son ..you are doing a grate job up to now ..
I suggest you don't poison the boy at this age by telling him the Truth.. thats not to say it will remain like this ..you may well have to tell him the truth when his older and understand better...
I cant say i know how you or your son feels because i was not in that position to know..But i am sure its very hard for you ..and heart breaking to see your son like this ..
But Hey his got a loving and caring mother who watches out for him ..I am sure his not missing much other then his dad ..and you are in a way making that up for him
best of luck to you and the boy ....
2006-12-08 20:52:40 · answer #5 · answered by JJ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your son the truth stop hiding things away from him and let him make a descision,i know it's hard but my children are going through a similar situation where there father can't make time for them whem times are arranged and i use to cover it up. I talk to my children about it and if they want to discuss it we do and my children are 6 and 9 yrs of age. Hiding it will make it worse in the long run as can you see this man ever being ready to spend time or see his own son he may drag this on for years and say he never wants to see him what will you do then continue to lie? Move on with your son and talk to him you don't have to bad mouth his father to him just explain the best you can about whats going on at the moment. Put his mind and yours at rest.
2006-12-11 01:03:11 · answer #6 · answered by sez75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be best to tell him a sugar coated version of the truth. Lies don't really achieve anything and your son will remember the lie before he remembers why you did it. I would tell him that you don't know the reasons why his father doesn't want to see him, but it is nothing he has done as he is just the biggest blessing you could ever have and that when he is older he may be able to find out why his father has made this decision. Covering for his father should not be something you should have to do as he is responsible for his own actions and things like saying he is travelling are not going to stick forever as 7 year olds are smart.
2006-12-08 20:52:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there...
At 7, my son was ready to understand things like "Dad is not well... he is feeling sad and would rather be alone now... He loves you very very much, but he wants to be by himslef for a while so he can get better and when it happens he will let us know".
Reality is - this is life... with friends, family, pets - sometimes we love people and want to be with people who do not want to be with us...
If you put it nicely, and reinforce the idea that he has done nothing wrong, that the issue is with Dad, NOT with him, I believe he will understand the situation and get on with his life :o)
My son did... it's been 2 years my ex has not shown any interest in seeing my son - and he is over it.
Good Luck !
Luckylady
2006-12-08 23:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by luckylady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may never be ready and he will miss out on seeing his lovely son grow up. You kow him better than I do so you will know how well this one will work. The two of you arrive around at his house one day with a birthday present for him, (or fathers day present). Explain to your son that his Dad is a bit confused these days and may not know who he is, but he can see him anyway for a few minutes while we drop off the present to let him know we care. Perhaps if son sees it as a sickness it will not hurt him so much if his father is offhand, and those few minutes might have the desired effect of allowing his father to form a bond with his own delightful son.
2006-12-08 20:39:30 · answer #9 · answered by AJ... Australia 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
feel real sorry for you there as there are aa lot of mothers about that dont even care if the father see's the child and some bee atchs go out of thier way to prevent it completely with no good reason.....im not sure you will find the answer your looking for on here as to what to tell your son all i would say is to carry on spoiling him and to love him as you are still the most important thing in his life and him in yours.....its a shame cos some dads are desperate to see there childeren......he sounds like a lowlife who puts himself before his child......ive brought up my kids by myself without a mother and i had this happen once,she has never expressed an intrest in seeing them and my youngest would'nt even know who she is if they spoke to them in the stret, it does pass after a while, and when he is a bit older he will understand a bit better...he will also notice he is not the only one as unfortunatly as time goes by his friends parents split up its just a sad fact of life nowadays....try getting him into a football club or cubs ...you know the sort of thing that he can do with the other boys and the sort of stuff that dads get thier kids into..it will do him the world of good and will make him feel less excluded...should toughen him up a bit as well ...you dont want a mummies boy at the end of the day,it will give him some confidence and independence....good luck...trust me it will pass.
2006-12-08 20:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Teach him about the real world. Some people can do some things (football, arithmatic, piloting aircraft and so on) but some cannot be "good" parents, available for their children etc. Let him know that his father (probably) loves him but cannot deal with parenthood at the moment.
If you keep it real but not bad mouth his father, your son will be wised up.
DO NOT be negative about the father as children need positive images of their parents. Even the West children still visit their their mother!
2006-12-12 03:33:58 · answer #11 · answered by Mike Rafone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋