is my man a "lemon" or have i just been watching to much tv?

Question

I allways hear these great ways men have proposed to thier gfs.My bf of 4yrs were talking about buying a house and moving in together.He said "well if we are going to live together i want us to be married so will you marry me" and that was it.I said yes and he said good we will go tomorrow and pick out your ring.No asking my dad,i called my mom but he did not call anyone in his family,there was no going out to diner to celebrate nothing.1yr later im planning the wedding and he wants to keep it as cheap as possible with as few people as we can.I have never been married before,he has and has a 8yr old son with his ex.His divorce(or i should say ex) put him 20k in debt so this is the reason he wants to keep in cheap.I know he has done all this before but this is my first time and i just fell shorted.I fell like he just wants to get it over with and be able to claim married on his taxes again.I do know he put more time planing his 1st marrage.I don't expect a 30k wedding just some interest

Answer 1

You have to decide if he's insensitive, cheap and dismissive of your feelings. Is he only like this about your wedding, or is this his attitude towards other things that matter to you?
Just because you've been together 4 years and he decided to marry you doesn't mean you're obligated if these are red flags.

Answer 2

I don't know if you would consider him a "lemon" but I know what you are going through. My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite some time, 7yrs to be exact, and are engaged to be married. No it wasn't some spectacular or even a surprising "pop the question" either. He actually called me from the place where he got the ring to ask what size I wore, when he came home, he handed me the ring and asked if I liked it and if I did, then I should put it on. How romantic huh! He also has been married before, has 2 girls, ages 7 and 9. His ex just became such a b**** *** soon as the wedding was over. He is the same way as your man, just to get it done as cheap as possible and with only family there to attend, but the thing is, is my family is HUGE! Me alone, would have atleast 120-140 people there for just family! He really seems to not have any interest in planning it either. So, that leaves me to have to guess on what to do! So I know how you feel and you're not the only one out there!

Answer 3

I think it's partially a man thing. My fiance (if he had his way) would have us just walk down to the courthouse some time when we weren't too busy and get hitched in our street clothes and then go about our lives as we usually do. Unfortunately for him (and lucky for me!) his mom would KILL him if the family wasn't invited to her only sons wedding. And if we invite his family we're damn sure inviting mine. And just our families together is 100-150 people at least. That's if by the wedding they haven't reproduced again (there are rabbit genes on both sides apparently). And if we're already having that many then what's the harm in inviting our friends as well since we don't have the many anyways. And if 175 people are doing to be there then it should be pretty. So we end up with I get to plan my wedding my way and he gets to show up. But then he changed his mind and wanted input...which amounts to he'll say no I don't want that but never offer an alternative. However I would like to suggest that perhaps getting married just to move in together doesn't sound like that sturdy of a reason. And if you can't afford it perhaps you should just have a long engagement and wait until you can. If I've misunderstood or offended you I'm sorry I didn't mean to but I hope you figure out what you want to do. Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't know your fiancee, obviously, but I don't think you have a lemon - just an average guy. My fiancee's proposal was less than ideal - he ended up proposing after we argued all day. Both me and my fiancee agree on having an inexpensive wedding (50 guests for about $3,000). Think about it: it's just one day, whereas the marriage should last much longer. It's the marriage that counts, not how you get married. Too many people try to follow tradition and end up going in debt. I understand that you want your fiancee to show an interest - mine doesn't show much of one either - but some guys aren't interested in the whole process. They care about the end result, not how you get there. I would say get your fiancee's opinion on the major things whenever you can and have fun planning a wedding the way you want it.

Also, you should talk to him about how it hurt your feelings not to have a celebration and remind him that this is your first wedding. He probably has a sour taste on weddings because of the divorce, which probably makes him want to keep it simple, but try to make him understand that this means a great deal to you and you would like your feelings to be considered a little more.

Answer 5

I don't think lemon is the right word. Hes a man and a little older than when he was first married (more responsibilities and better understanding of the mighty buck) Give him some actual jobs to get him interested. I did this with my fiance and now with under 20 days left everything is planned for the big day I'm stress free and he did a lot of it (he even picked the colours which is good as he is partially colour blind)I find if you really watch those shows after a while you realize the only men really helping with the planning are wedding planners the grooms are more of a prop.

Answer 6

I am a woman, and I have never been able to figure out why other women want big expensive weddings, etc.

He is in debt, and he is trying to be practical. After you are married for ten years, I suspect that you will appreciate practicality perhaps a little more than extravagance.

I really want to say something very rude to you, but I won't. Suffice it to say, if your positions were reversed, don't you think you would like to keep it as inexpensive as possible, too?

Does he love you? Does he cheat on you? Does he beat you? Does he work and pay bills? If you want romance, take him fishing every once in a while. Like to a state park or just off the side of a bridge. Where I live , guys love stuff like that.

Just be thankful sweetie. if you love each other, and you are compatible, and you are friends who genuinely like each other in and out of bed, you are a very lucky woman indeed.


Be well, and congratulations.


edit:

If he is in debt, then 1000 bux is expensive.

Answer 7

Having been married twice I understand some of what he is going through but I also see your point as well. He should be a little more giving in this situation because this marriage is for BOTH of you. By this being your first I am sure you want it to be special with found memories. Explain to him what this means to you. If he truly loves you and is one to listen and truly hear he will consider your wishes and act accordingly.

Answer 8

No, he isn't necessarily a "lemon," but I'd be hurt too.

That's what happens when you become involved with a man with baggage. I'm sorry for you, dear.

Put the wedding off until you can save enough to pay for what you want in cash. That's what we did.

Answer 9

Don't think the worst of him, it loses interest and is pretty much not as exciting the second time around. He announced his last engagement and it failed, maybe he is just embarrassed because of that. Talk to him about it!!!