Or, are there any assurances that he won't relapse? We're getting really close...I'm thinking that he's going to propose over the holidays.He was clean and sober before we met, but I understand the 12 step philosophy that there is no recovered addict. I suppose, I just want assurances that y'all can't give...but I'm asking anyway.
2006-12-08 16:48:24 · 21 answers · asked by miss b 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
No, "once an addict, always an addict" isn't true. I work in the mental health field...people can and DO change...it's a belief one must have, esp. when one is in that profession. And Ihave seen people in my own life who, after they sobered up, stayed that way the rest of their lives
2006-12-08 16:59:21 · update #1
Yes, he was going to NA meetings before we met...he chairs the Friday meeting.
2006-12-08 17:06:34 · update #2
He's been clean for nearly two years.
2006-12-08 17:13:58 · update #3
What a good question! I am in recovery myself and am glad that you are supporting him. My ex was a recovering cocaine addict and relapsed several times before getting clean- cocaine is hard. Actually, in AA literature, there is talk of "recovered" alcoholics in the sense that we recover from a hopeless state of mind and body- we are never completely cured, but we cease becoming hopeless. Does that make sense? The best way to support him to prevent relapse is work your own program- go to al-anon, nar-anon, CODA, etc. Support his meeting attendance at all costs, and allow him space to talk with his sponsor and clean friends. Work on your self so you have peace of mind and have some kind of independence if something should happen. Him relapsing is not the only thing that could tear you apart. Good luck and thanks for the support!
2006-12-08 17:20:17 · answer #1 · answered by soberlunatic 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be very supportive to your boyfriend. People who do recover typically relaspe a couple of times. I'm a Mental Health Case Manager and Community Supports Director. I've witnessed a lot relapses shortly after recovery. The only thing that I can tell you to do is to continue being supportive and provide lots of encouragement! Try getting your boyfriend a network of friends and family members that could be supportive as well. But I have seen instance where individuals go through recover and remain sober. Don't give up on him, just pray!
2006-12-08 17:01:55 · answer #2 · answered by Arubian Fly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to separate meetings & AlAnon yourself. Addicts & alcoholics seem to be the greatest con artists in the world. We need the people closest to us to recognize our BS & call us on it.
The 12 step program as a process of learning self discipline & relying on power greater than self in all we do. I strongly suggest putting off the marriage commitment until you understand the disease more. There are NO guarantees, & the odds of lifetime recovery are slim - my best estimate is less than 10% after 2 years continuous clean time. If he has good recovery, he will accept the wait patiently. If not, I suggest you run, not walk, the other way. I base this on 13+ years clean & sober; I could still go out & drink if I let up on the program. Good luck to both of you.
2nd reply. Grow up. None of us know all we think we do. You just proved you don't. Marrying this guy is dangerous to his recovery. Once an addict (or drunk) always an addict is THE central fact for us. . If you cannot accept that fact, you are in complete denial & dangerous to both of you.. This is the kind of brutal honesty recovery requires. Pay attention!
2006-12-08 17:13:08 · answer #3 · answered by bob h 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I really hope that he can go on and be clean and sober.First let him know that you are proud of him for what he is trying to do. I wish that I could tell you that he will never go back to being an addict but I cant. I think that will depend on him and how much he wants to stay clean and sober and just remeber that no matter how much you want him to stay clean and sober you cant make him. I really hope that everything will work out for the both of you.
2006-12-08 16:55:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you think once an addict you're always an addict albeit drugs, sex, computers or food just to name a few. It's something you have to work everyday at one day at a time. I'm sure you have heard that line. All you can do is support them and if they have been sober for 2 years that is a GREAT ACHEIVEMENT !!! But there are no guarntees they will not backslide. I know what i'm talking about. Been there done that and dont do it anymore.
2006-12-08 17:32:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I use to use and it has been 7 years since my last binge. I still taste it sometimes when I light a cigarrette. I smell it hell somtimes I dream about it...the point is he'll never forget it. You never forget what that taste tastes like. You don't forget the smell, the feeling. nothing. He has to have something to stay sober for...like I have my kids..I'm not saying have kids to get him to stop cause it is very different for women than it is men. You have to just be supportive and when he hits a goal like a year make a big deal about it and let him know how proud you are of him. The one thing that will keep him sober is knowing that he would be dissapointing someone.
2006-12-08 16:59:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in recovery myself but don't always adhere to the AA type of philosophy.
I believe that God holds my recovery in his hands, so that when I go to these meetings occasionally, I don't tack on "a recovering addict" to my introduction.
I see it this way: when God decrees a matter finished, IT IT DONE.
Now for the support issue:
Don't hound him about where he ges, with whom he goes, and what he does.
Don't go looking for signs that he has relapsed; love him and believe ibn him. Skip the checking up on him, it does neither of you any good.
Go to some meetings with him if yoou can. You'll hear some bellyaching, but every now and the you might get a nugget of wisdom.
Next>EDUCATE YOURSELF!!
2006-12-08 17:05:07 · answer #7 · answered by curious cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no guarantee he won't relapse...just be there for each other...be open and honest about all each other's concerns from the very beginning and be sure to be positive to each other. It may be a good idea to go to some of his meetings with him if he goes. Be proud and be sure he knows you're proud of him for becoming clean and sober to begin with. It isn't easy.
2006-12-08 16:56:14 · answer #8 · answered by tmw36 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he stays away from the ppl that he use to get high with, then he should be ok. my younger brother use to do crack also, and that about ruined his marriage. his wife is a very strong woman though to have put up with that. just keep an eye on him. look for the signs. as long as he stays busy and away from ppl that use either it be crack, cocaine or even weed he should be fine. try going to his meeting with him. that would give you and him something else to share. would let him know that you are supporting him 100%..good luck and if he proposes over the holidays congrats.
2006-12-08 16:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by becca j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help keep him away from his old buddies....I would also take inventory on any items you may have of value and know where they are.....and make sure he stays employed......
I knew several couples w/ similar stories and had relapses..
EVEN AFTER YEARS OF BEING SOBER..
If he propose's.... great , but still be his guardian you are only helping him..help himself...
Stay on your toes, because its very hard to recover from crack....You have to be tough one on this, if you want to help him and he wants to help himself....
He will appreciate it in the long run...Make him go to NA if you locally have one.They certain ally help people recover....
Best of luck to you.
2006-12-08 16:54:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋