what is a decent amount of time for a widow woman to wait before she remarries?

Question

A friend of mine lost her husband in Aug 2005. She has met someone this fall and he has given her a ring.

Answer 1

Purple Gorilla: Good men are hard to find at our age. I do recommend a prenuptial agreement before marriage. People do stupid things as we get older and behave like children. Now if she is looking for someone to change her diapers when she is unable to get out of bed, she better know if he is capable of handling this difficult task and visa versa. Those golden year may turn out to be hell years.
A widowed Senior

Answer 2

I don't think there is or should be any set time that is a decent amount of time to wait to remarry. I wouldn't suggest within the first few months, but then what do I know about other people's lives. It is something the widow/widower has to make up their mind about. Not family, friends(I know YOU are not trying to decide for her) or anyone else. It is a very personal decision. Sometimes hard to deal with, but in the end I think we each need to respect that persons choice. Even if we don't agree with it.
I lost my husband all most 9 years ago. I have no plans to ever remarry. That doesn't mean that men are out of my life completely, Just means that at this time, I can't see me finding someone that I would want to commit to the way I did to my husband. Besides, I would want an old millionaire, with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Haven't found any of those yet. Darn it!

Answer 3

Why are you asking this question, and not she? Who's more concerned?

In Victorian times, 1 year of grieving, 1 year of courtship and 1 year of engagement was the minimum time required to keep gossips quiet in society circles. The poor have always been more pragmatic.

Your question implies, however, that there is something indecent about two people defining their personal relationship without the blessing of the community, or at least meddling acquaintances.

My next door neighbor is a retired engineer in his 70's, and when his second wife of 8 years died of cancer, he remarried a lady in his congregation ONE MONTH later--with the prior approval of the former wife, who had known and liked the new lady, and helped make the arrangements for the love of her life (her husband) to be happy and well cared for after her demise.

The whole congregation went to funeral and came to the new wedding a month later, and not one eyelash was batted.

Widows have a hard enough time without needing to deal with small-minded meddlers who suck the joy out of everything and everyone around them. Make sure you're not one of these people.

Be happy for your friend! Ask what you can do to be supportive, and pay attention to the response. And quit worrying so much what people will think.

Answer 4

That does seem a little fast. You said she met him this fall and already has a ring? It is only Dec. On the other hand, you don't know what her previous marriage was like. She and her husband could have been distant and in a bad marriage. This guy could be someone that she always wanted. Be supportive and happy for her. If you are thinking this, other people may actually be saying something to her. Be a good friend and have her back no matter what.

Answer 5

First I want to say that becomming a widow for many women is very hard. Yet I feel that all though it is a very painful experience , you can actually grow. First we must recognize that we can be self sufficient and we should be with a man because we want to not because we have to for what ever reason. Marriage is a holy institution, if we treat it the way it should we would have happier lives. I think that when you feel comfortable with you, the essence of your soul, maybe take time out to visit friends, go to the beach, drink a glass of wine with cheese and crackers, a candle burning slowly, impermeating the air with its aroma, read books you enjoy, discover yourself after this painful experience. Then when you are not looking, when you are comfortable with yourself, not wanting, expecting, just enjoying , things will happen. Remember that thoughts are things, be careful what you wish for. Well my love I wish you the best.

Love and Light,
Celestial Peace,
Tatiana

Answer 6

well my 1st husband died and i waited almost exactly a year to get remarried but then me and my 1st hubby had been seperated for 3 yrs before he died so u have to take that in account. i think she should remarry when ever she feels she is ready just because she has a ring doesnt mean they r getting married tomorrow either .

Answer 7

When your heart says your ready. In some religions I've read 9 months. Time to mourn the straighten up. But I think that's also before you find someone else.

Answer 8

Well, if she loves someone else already and would wait just so other people would see that as decent and not to morn her partner what's the point in waiting? She should go for it and be happy if she can!

Answer 9

I say whenever she feels ready. Who cares what other people think. They aren't the ones getting married. What you could do is throw a big dinner party and have everyone vote on it. Sort of like a big Survivor finale. One vote yes two votes no sorta thing. That is if she is that worried about it.

Answer 10

She has waited long enough since her husband died. it is time for her to get back in to the world. They say that one should not make any changes in the first Yr. after a Spouse passes away.