I spanked my 17 yr. old daughter and took the hinges off her door because she cut her hair without permission?

Question

My daughter had a friend spend the night a few days ago (they are both home schooled) and in the morning when she was making some eggs for everyone I noticed that she had her hair cut. I found out that her friend had cut off about 3 inches of her hair the night before. She did not have my permission to do this, so I took her into her bedroom and spanked her with the belt. Later that night when I came home from work I took the door of her room off the hinges so she wouldn't be able to do things behind my back like that. Plus, I know she liked to close her door sometimes so I think this will be an effective punishment. Now, she came into my room tonight all sweet and everything and asked me if I would please put her door back on and that she was sorry for cutting her hair. I told her not tonight but I might later on. Should I put her door back on and if so, how long should I wait? I really want he to know that cutting her hair without my permission is wrong.

Answer 1

Why? I'm homeschooled...
I cut my hair three weeks ago, about an inch off the bottom and 4 inches for a "fringe" around my face... (see avatar, it looks just like that. :P)
My mom didn't know I was doing it and it was the middle of the night. The next morning, she just aknowledged that it's different and left it at that.

Now, I understand you want to keep her safe from things, but come on, it's HER hair. If she wants it shorter let her cut it! If you think it looks bad or something, remember you're not the one wearing it. Gosh... Pick your fights, is cutting her hair such an offense? How many things could she have done that would be more worth punishing?

Answer 2

First I hope this is a joke and that you really didn't spank a 17 yr old for cutting her hair. I could see if she was 7. I do understand she needs to know what you say goes, but ease up on her before she starts to resent you. But if you're still spanking her at 17 she might already. A 17 yr old needs some privacy, she's almost a grown woman, she needs a door. There are other things that can be taken away besides her door to let her know that you didn't approve of what she did.

Answer 3

In my opinion, it shouldn't have been that big of a deal that you feel you should spank a 17 yr old with a belt. If it was a bad haircut, you should have just let her go with a bad haircut. I'm sorry. She's too old to be punished like that for something so petty. So she cut her hair. Big deal!!! At least you didn't walk in on her having sex or cutting coke. If that is the worst thing she could do, consider yourself blessed to have such a well-mannered child. Seeing as she's home schooled, maybe you have a control issue. I hope you come to recognize that cutting 3 inches off her hair was a mild offense and did not constitute the discipline that was inflicted upon her. If nobody else shares my opinion, I'm very sorry, but it just doesn't seem to be that big of a deal.

Answer 4

Okay - she's 17 and you spanked her?? She's home schooled so you have a lot of control over what she is exposed to on a regular basis...and you freaked because she cut her own hair? I'm a parent, so we share that commonality. However, I can NOT understand you being so freaked out about 3 inches of HAIR. We're not talking about you came home and she was doing drugs in her bedroom, or she had a guy in there or she was piercing her face or something...I think you seriously need to lighten up or you're going to ruin your relationship with her forever. You might seriously want to consider some family counseling. You know - it just occurred to me, if you're spanking her at age 17 YOU NEED HELP! That's almost a perversion, what, you look for things to punish her for so you can spank her?? Do you get off on that?? You need help!

Answer 5

Are you for real or what?

My daughters 15 years old and if she decided to shave all her hair off tomorrow then that's her choice, i might not like it but still it's her hair.

How dare you abuse your child in that way, you have no right lying a finger let alone a belt, if you did that to someone else's child you'd be in prison right now.

Also your daughter's a young woman for god's sake and is entitled to some privacy and that includes having a door to her bedroom and a lock on the inside if she so chooses
So too bloody right you should put the door back on

And start being her parent and not her prison officer.
What you done is both mental and psychical abuse

Answer 6

I'm not going to come off and call you a bad parent, because I got spanked before to for cutting my hair-but the difference was I was like 9. I can understand that you're only trying to do what you think is right for her from you saying she is home schooled you believe in true guidance. But at 17, things begin to change, she becoming a young lady and becoming attracted to boys, so she wants to appear attractive to them. I believe from the way you speak of her, if she thought it would be a problem she would have asked you before flaunting her new 'do' the next morning. A few instances that are good for taking doors is sneaking out the house, getting piercings, tattoos, things of that sort. But this time, I think a haircut is gonna slip by. Give her her door back and you don't have to apologize for your reaction, just sit her down and let her know (if things like that do matter to you) that you'd appreciate if she involved you in her decisions. And don't feel bad, I see a lot of people don't agree, but I understand, you're just trying to be a good dad.

Answer 7

Jesus Christ, man! Its her ******* hair! She's 17 years old! She is WAY too old to be getting spanked for something like that. Or for getting spanked at all, for that matter. Wow...why do you even care? She's the one who's gonna have to wear it everywhere. She might as well wear it the way she likes. And besides, it'll grow back.

Seriously, you need to consider some alternative punishments for a 17 year old as spanking is almost completely ineffective at that age. Take away car privaleges, or dont let her go out for the weekend. But spanking? Come on, man. She's not 7.

You overreacted. Big time.

Answer 8

That is child ABUSE. No child should be hit, EVER.
She is 17 yrs old and she has the right to cut HER hair anytime she wants to.
You are punishing your child because YOU have issues. You need to work on your issues and allow your daughter to have a somewhat normal life. At 17 she has the right to do anything to her hair that she wants (it does grow back you know). And taking her door will cause more problems then it solves. She will simply go elsewhere to have privacy and without you in the next room threatening to beat her she'll be doing far worse then cutting her hair.
If you are truly hitting her over something so insignificant as cutting her hair then I have no doubt your abuse is far worse when it comes to things that really matter. My advice to you is to get help immediately.
My advice to your daughter (hoping she sees this) is to go immediately to a trusted adult or school counselor and report your abuse before it's to late.

Answer 9

Why don't you want her, to cut her hair? Do you have an obsession or attitude that girls have to have long hair?
Spanking her for other things I can understand and would approve of. But for cutting her hair? Odd. How long should you wait, until you put the door (hinge and all) back? I suggest 7 weeks.

Answer 10

She's a little too old for spanking and taking the door off isn't going to stop her from doing what she wants. At this age, most teenagers are set to do what they want. Cutting her hair should be her choice anyway. You have blown it way out of proportion.