MAJOR....what the hell am i meant to do???

Question

a couple days ago my best friend told me in a tough conversation with me that:

- she throws up food to keep herself slim
- taking pills for depression
- seeing a psychiatrist to help her
- and jumps from partner to partner

i played it cool, and let her know nothing changes between us and i wouldn't act different, but underneath... i was thrown off.

she kept it from me for a while because its very personal for her, she was afraid and also cos i believe i would lose 'interest' in her.

currently we have a 'friends with benefits' setup between us.

my question is.....what the hell am i meant to do?
i have NO idea....i really have no clue how to act now.

what would your advice be straight up?

thanks for all ya help so far.

Answer 1

just be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on, and be supportive of her, make sure she keeps getting professional help

Answer 2

Your friend is very self destructive, that doesn't make her a bad person. the traits you mentioned are typical of people with low self esteem,etc.
The good news is she is getting help from a psychiatrist and she has a good enough friend in you that she felt comfortable opening up to you. She probably hid it from you because you're important to her and she wanted to make sure you'd stay around after you learned about her skeletons.
As far as what do you do now? Just go on doing what you normally do. it sounds like she needs a friend that she can trust to stick by her side.
HOWEVER.... you also mentioned that she jumps from partner to partner. I would STRONGLY recommend that you do away with the "benefits" part of your relationship, for your own health and safety. Keep in mind she is self destructive so it's highly unlikely that she's playing 100% safe with her other partners.
Be her friend (that's what she really needs right now) but protect yourself. NO sex is worth your health.

Answer 3

support her. Don't abandon her, and you may want to stop the friends with benefits if she's got multiple partners.
The depression may be a symptom of the bulimia. Her biggest problem is not feeling she is thin enough. She probably has low self-esteem, and if you leave her now, that would only cause more problems for her. Thank her because she had the strength and courage to tell you all this. That means she really trusts you. Her psychiatrist may be encouraging her to talk to others about her problems so that she has a bigger support network.

Answer 4

She may have told you all of this to see if you run from her because you are scared. That is one heavy load for one girl to carry, maybe she told you because she needs you to be on her side with this.

Having a friends with benefits relationship is unhealthy, because you share this intimacy but without the normal ties and loyalty that go along with it. She may feel she is unworthy to be your real girlfriend. Maybe she really wants you to be her boyfriend?
You may want to decide, do you want to be her platonic friend or her official boyfriend? Clearing this up may help her with all this confusion. (Obviously you didn't cause all this, but it does add to the instability.

One thing that should concern you is the partner jumping. That affects you first hand.

You are a good friend to stand by her. It is also good that she is on meds and seeking professional help. Things may get better for her soon. Watch her for big depressive swings, some meds are dangerous and cause suicidal tendencies.

Answer 5

It is a tough situation anytime you have been confided in concerning a personal matter. Your friends privacy along with her health are in jeopardy. If you are that close to her that she would talk to you about that then you should continue to discuss her problem. It may be that she is reaching out because she wants help. You can urge her to seek help because you are afraid of losing her or you can talk to some authority figure as well as her parent and risk losing her as a friend in the attempt to save her from possible death from anorexia. Try to convince her to get help.

Answer 6

She needs serious help I say lose her afterall she jumps from one partner to another thats not good. I could see if she was gf and you were in love with her and cared about her but you just have a friends with benefit relationship with her. I say just get rid of her you can find someone who doesnt have so many issues.

Answer 7

LIKE YOU SAID YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT. RIGHT?
SO WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT ANYTHING? UNLESS YOU HAVE FEELING FOR HER! DO YOU? REGARDLESS WHAT YOU FEEL. LET HER KNOW THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. AND JUST MAYBE IF SHE CAN GET OFF THOSE PILLS FOR A MINUTE, AND PRAY. SHE CAN OVER COME ALL OF IT. BUT THIS THE WRONG TIME TO GIVE UP ON HER. MAYBE ALL SHE WANT IS YOUR COMPANY. BUT IF YOU WERE A TRUE FRIEND BEFORE ALL THIS . YOU SHOULD BE ON NOW. SHE ISNT THE ONE TO WORRY ABOUT. IF SHE FELT CONFIDENCE ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THIS.

Answer 8

She just opened up to you possibly more than she has opened up to anyone close to her before. It sounds like she has some serious self respect issues and leaving her may make things worse. If you are truly concerned for her well being then just be there for her. Talk to her more about her problems and just listen.

Answer 9

since she is already seeing a doctor and taking medication then just try and be there for her. Try to guide without pushing in the right direction.

Answer 10

friend with benefits , and u know she jumps from partener to partener, hum , everyone she sleeps with , u sleep with, that's pretty gross,i think i would go get tested , and keep it in my pants , and get the extra baggage out on the curb