When are you too old to live at home?

Question

I'm 28 y/o teacher and I still live at home with my mother and sisters. I am the man of the house and sometimes I feel like I have a lot of responsiblity to live here. My mother owns a four story brick in NYC. I have been helping out my mom with rent higher than her "rent-stabalized" tenant pays, bills and other things around the house. I spend a lot of time on the Internet because being teacher my work and I don't really have friends or a private room because I live in the living room. So my mother sees me doing work and surfing the web a lot leisurely. My mother has recently got a divorce and she is refinancing her mortgage at $2,000 higher than what she is paying now.My mother always complains about her ex or that she's alone and struggling. I help her pay bills and buy groceries/dinner but she finds little things to say that criticizes me and annoys me. Like me spending time on the Internet or not understanding her situation because I'm single & don't have children.

I am wondering if I should move out and let her solve her own problems. Or continue to help my mother and understand her situations. I feel like I'm being in a pressured position when I just want to enjoy life and adopt a more optimistic viewpoint out of life. But I feel like my mom dragging me down to argue with her and engage in petti conversation because she didn't accomplish an education like me in my life.

P.S. She rarely contributed to my education in college and I had to struggle hard to foot the bill during college. She now claims that she helped me through college which is such a lie. Do you think it is time to move out? I still have aspirations of going to medical school in a couple years and wanted to be a little stable, plus I have a hefty student loan. But, it is coming to the point where I may have to move out. Do you think it is time to move out now?

Answer 1

ur just helpin ur mom its cool

Answer 2

Hi Mack,

I've always joked with my kids that they are old enough to leave home at 18 but if they haven't left by the time they are 21 I'm kicking them out!

A lot a people a living longer with their parents out of necessity, like you they want to further their education to give themselves a strong footing in life so at 28 yrs of age you wouldn't be the only person at that age still living at home.

Your mother is an adult and has her life to live and while you are still at home is still going to see you more has her child and not always necessarily the adult that you are.
You can't take on your mothers responsibilities and while you do she is going to be in dependant on you.

If you have the means to move out and by the sounds of it you've had to financially had to cope for yourself anyway, and it certainly sounds like you are ready to do so then just do it, you are going to have to move out one day after all.

If your mothers struggle she could always sell up and find somewhere smaller and more affordable to her means

Netty

Answer 3

Mack you are Krazy. You were born to have a life of your own not their own. Move out and have fun enjoying the best years of your life or your going to wake up like "The 40 year Old Virgin"- see the movie and re-evaluate your life.

Answer 4

Hard to say i guess thats up to you,a good friend of mine still's lives at home and his 40.He help's out with the bills,cleaning,the
shopping ect....His saving more this way,but at the same time his having a HARD time finding a girlfriend,who really wants to date a guy that still lives with his folks at 40?????
But if your not looking,stay where you are if thats what you want.

Answer 5

It sounds as if your mom is using you as a scapegoat. The more she puts on you, the less responsiability she has to take, as well as keep you tied to her because you "help" with bills and such. You aren't doing either one of you a favor by letting her become more dependent on you. By all means,MOVE OUT, and live your life, and let her live hers.

Answer 6

your mom sounds stressed out and she's taking it out on you. Its okay for you to still live with her, i mean, she would probably feel more upset if you moved out because she wouldn't have anyone to pick on. next time she criticizes you tell her: mom I would just appreciate it if you considered that i pay bills too and i deserve some respect and by the way, i was wondering if maybe you would like me to move out.

Answer 7

Move out, get Mom to move somewhere cheaper, so you don't have to spend your life supporting her. The parents job is to raise their children to get out there in life, and live it, obviously you don't feel like you can do that in your situation. It's unreasonable for your mother to expect you to support her. You are both adults, and she knows how to handle life, children should not have to raise their parents.

Answer 8

Majority of adults live at home with their parents due to saving money and other issues.Unless you can find some common ground then yo should lookat moving out.

Answer 9

On reading the first paragraph of your question I would say no, that there evidences nothing that leads me to say you need to move out. As to the so-called edicts and opinions peculiar to society on this, I say this, we are in a time now when not few mothers and women generally will know great fortune that they have a man's focus and energy in their favors. One may observe that when considering the elderly of families, usually it is the sons who give the unconditionality and assistance, while the women go about their own self-absorptions and ways without the slightest misgivings about the distances they keep between their mothers and themselves.

Conversely, on reading the two paragraphs that you follow with, I would say moving is something to really consider.

Sad it is that sons tend to give a greater measure of unconditional efforts to assist their mothers, generally much more so than daughters, who do tend to be averse to their mothers, which is more of a commentary on women than on mothers or daughters.

Sons have to 'learn' to bear in heart and mind that mothers are still women and were women before they ever became mothers, which truth tends to come hard to sons, whereas with daughters such a dilemma follows with the dispatch of separation as swiftly as can be made and with as much affecting justification; otherwise, life at the household becomes simply unbearable and outright nasty...

Weigh this out. I would say that you will want to now toughen considerably; this applies whether you go or stay. Get out of the house as much as possible. Meanwhile, look for places to live -- a flat or efficiency apartment, nothing needs to be fancy, for you well may need or want it for sake of your own peace.

In any case, create your 'space,' for this is most important for a man-child... A man must have his space, he must. It's simply part of his genetic helix and male energy focus as well. Little or nothing can be done about this; it is Nature itself...

Finally, keep this in mind -- for sake of survival: a good soldier always knows to afford himself a retreat, something to fall back on, you see? He may or may not always succeed, but he is to know that this should always be a reflex and consideration and should not ever be caught innocent or naive about this fact.

He should always know that it is better to be on the inside looking out than to be caught on the outside looking in, for few are there who are willing to readily offer help to a man as readily as to a woman. This is just hard truth in this, the modern world.

Answer 10

Do what you have to do. I say move out. Its time that you be on your own and that means you wont have to hear your mother nag and complain about you or anyone else.

Answer 11

move out; u need a life