My grandmother and grandfather who I love dearly are in their mid and upper 80's respectively. I spent a large amount of time with them as a child and grew very close and I am always calling back home to make sure they are both healthy. My grandfather needs knee-replacement surgery but decided against it. He is otherwise very healthy, always working outside and sharp mentally. He says the reason for his decision is because "at his age" he decided not to have it done. This pains me greatly as I know the inactivity will take years off of his life, years he may very well find fruitful given the lifespan history of his father and grandfather who lived to over 95. I had been suffering from moderate-severe (at times) depression for the last 10 years of my life (now 29) which is controlled with medication/therapy despite occasional hopelessness. How much of how I feel is related to my mental condition and when is it time to let go of this "protector" role I feel I am obligated to fill?
2006-12-08 13:58:09 · 4 answers · asked by Bumbo 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Okay...seriously. Read the list below.
1) The older you are, the harder anestesia is on you and the higher the risks. Your Grandfather doesn't want to be down and out for a month or more with the knee or risk dying on the table. His quality of life might also be affected if the surgery goes wrong or he gets an infection or anything inbetween. Period.
2) Wanting your grandparents to live is great, we all want them to live...but don't be selfish about it. Your Grandparents decisions are theirs and what they feel maximizes the quality of the time they have left. You imposing your thoughts, either by being depressive and sad or directly, is not fair to them. My Grandfather had lung cancer. He died. His family lives into their ninties, he was 75. Despite how the cancer was stage four small cell, he still went through chemo. It killed me. I didn't understand why until one day I had someone explain it....he had to do something. He did it for my Grandma and he did it in the hope he gets better. He was in pain, a lot...he was miserable...he was the most active man I have ever met and he was chair ridden and stuck to an oxygen tank, but he was doing something to fight. My Grandparents both believed modern techniques continually improve and maybe better treatments go on down the line...which is why they did it..they hoped something would happen to save him. My Grandmother needed open heart surgery and she didn't want to do it. They scheduled an OR regardless, just in case she changed her mind, and the FDA came out with medicated stints that are more effective and less invasive than previously thought. She would have died if it wasn't for that...have faith in their decisions.
3) Depression is a choice. Start looking for the better things in life, what makes you happy. Be happy you still have Grandparents! You are fortunate to have good ones. I would give anything to have my Grandfather back!!!! Enjoy him and enjoy her and stop worrying. Kick yourself in the britches and be happy! I did. I was so depressive and upset about everything. I wasted so many good times I could have had with my family. It took Granddad dying for me to figure it all out and stop being silly.
2006-12-08 14:07:09 · answer #1 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very good thing that you are doing well with your grand parents. Health and safety is always first, Try to get your grandparent to understand the need of the surgery if you can.
An that their is nothing for them to worry about, that you will always be there by their side. Pray to GOD that all the pain and suffering to be taking away and just leave it alone. And believe that God will hear you and help you.
Hope that helps.
2006-12-08 14:10:53 · answer #2 · answered by Randi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I work with older people and they will do what they feel is right for themselves regardless of the opinions and thoughts of those closest to them. Sometimes you just have to let go and realize that they are adults, they have their own opinions and agendas just as you do. Be supportive be caring but realize that they are their own person, just as you are.
2006-12-08 14:05:08 · answer #3 · answered by Marj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your grandpa is sharp mentally then he knows the consequences of his actions. He is lucky to have a grandson as involved and caring as you.
2006-12-08 14:01:14 · answer #4 · answered by Mom of Three 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋