my 5 year old?

Question

My 5 year old is out of control hes always throwing fits we have tried grounding and spanking nothing works. My husband and I are now fighting over ways to handle him what do i do?

Answer 1

Usually sweet talking works on kids. If that doesnt work though, you have to put him in a time out. Spanking and physical violence won't do much and he'll just learn to hit back. Deprive him of a treat (not a necessity) and NEVER bend the rules for him. If you say grounded for 2 weeks, its grounded for 2 weeks. not 11 days or 3 or adding time unjustifiably.

You're the boss of him. Show him how much you control his life. Never lock him up or leave him alone, though. Ask him to say sorry if he wants to get off easy. After he apologizes, hug him, kiss him. It's very important to show that you love a child when he's good and make him want you to love him.

Answer 2

I really hope to be of some help. I have 5 children, one of them 6 years old.

Consistency is everything with children. That must include punishments. He can't be punished for something at one point and then do it again and not be punished to the same severity.

Set up a system of rewards and 'take aways.' Inform him of this though. When he has spent an entire day being good he gets a sticker on a calander. After a certain amount of days with a sticker, he gets a treat he normally wouldn't get. It doesn't have to be something lavish or expensive. Maybe rent a movie he wants to see. On the other side of that though, if he isn't behaved enough to get a sticker, take something away that means a lot to him. A favorite toy or a TV show for a certain amount of time, like 2 days. I guarantee that if you are consist with this, it will work.

I know it's hard not to be completely overwhelmed all the time, thinking you have nothing left to do. You must say composed though. Let him know you are the parent and that his fits aren't getting to you as much as they really may be.

I wish you the very best of luck!

Answer 3

Hey there,

I have some ideas and thoughts that I hope will help you, as a public school teacher working with third graders and having studied discipline in undergraduate and graduate studies. (I'm also a new parent.)

First, don't get discouraged. If you seem frustrated with him or start to "give up" in any way, he will know it and it can fuel the fire.

What I think you need to do at this point is start fresh. One day just sit him down and lay out THE NEW FAMILY RULES - WRITTEN DOWN, too. (Even if he couldn't READ them, it would be more official.) The rules can be simple and cut-and-dry, like NO HITTING. NO SCREAMING. Let him know exactly what the consequences will be when a rule is broken, whether it be a loss of a privilege or a "time out" - whatever works best for your family. Just one thing on that - don't get into sending him to his room, because many parents do that and that is where all the fun and toys are often located!

After laying out the rules, be CONSISTENT. Follow through, even if you are exhausted. It will be worth it. Also, don't pay any attention to him when he is acting out. Be quick to explain what he did wrong and then follow through with the predetermined consequence. Giving him too much attention when he makes poor choices will only encourage him to do it more because children love attention!

Be sure to praise your son after making a good choice, give him hugs and cuddles, and tell him how much you love him.

To combat the bad choice-making, I would also suggest defining some specific "Family Time" where you can give him the attention he craves in a positive setting. It could be a certain time of day, or a couple of days a week. I'm sure that he loves you very much and wants to spend a lot of time with you. This also could be the root of the problem with his throwing fits - he wants attention.

One quote that I heard while studying how to deal with challenging children was this: "What others label as bad behavior is really a plea for love and understanding." This quote had a huge impact on me, and I hope that it helps you put a spin on your situation to make it seem more manageable. If you can just give your son the love and attention he wants and try to figure out WHY he is behaving how he is (you may even try asking him) you can work to solve it. Praise, praise, praise him for every little thing that he does that is a good choice, and you should start to see him work for that all the time.

I wish you all the best and hope that this response helps.

Answer 4

So hitting him isn't working? Imagine that? And grounding? What is up with that? Of course they're not working because you've allowed him to have control. First of all hitting is NOT necessary, if you think it is then you probably need parenting classes. Rules should have been set long ago, like when the child was a toddler. Undoubtly you have given in to the fits etc which is WHY he throws them, because he KNOWS you will give in. Early on you should have simply ignored the fits, put him in time out or like I did, in his room with a child gate up, put on a pair of headphones and other than looking in on him from time to time go on about your business. The fit throwing would have ceased by now. Hitting a child is never appropriate because the only message you are sending is that when one is frustrated and angry it is perfectly okay to resort to physical violence. Won't that be a nice thing to have come up some day when he has a girlfriend and they get into an argument...having him beat the crap out of her? I definitely suggest parenting classes otherwise he will continue having control and the hittings will continue and the message as well as his behavior will be set pretty much in stone, and he will NEVER behave properly.

Answer 5

First of all, no spanking. That just shows him that hitting is OK. I believe in natural consequences. If you do not pick up your toys I will do it and when I pick them up I put them away where you can't reach them. If you do not get dressed you will have to go to school in your jammies. If you don't eat your food, nothing else 'til the next meal.If you throw a fit I can not talk to you until you make things right by apologizing and sitting in the think about it chair for five minutes. I have been in education for 16 years and I use this with my primary as well as jr. high students. Are you talking in study hall? Then you can give an oral report to the whole class. Applied consistently, it works wonders. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

All children are different but I found what worked best with mine was to give as little attention as possible for this kind of behaviour - maybe try using time out so that he can calm down on his own - if you are consistent and he realises that his tantrums don't provoke a reaction from you, you might find that he improves.

I personally think this works better than shouting or spanking as you are denying him what he really wants - attention! I also think that staying calm yourself is really important when he is throwing a tantrum ( I know this can be really difficult though!!).

- there's probably nothing that will work overnight - everything takes time.

I think most children at this age still have their moments - you'll probably find that with age he improves too, as he learns to control his emotions a bit more.

good luck!

Answer 7

Throwing fits is a way of getting your attention and quite possibly what he want's. The best response to this is to make a time out corner , at five years of age 5 to 10 minutes can be tolerated. If they leave the space put them back, be firm. Do not under any circumstances give in to the fit, even if it is the easy way out. In the long run the time you take now doing the unpleasant disciplining will pay off. Ear plugs will help, learn to tone out the screams... be patient, hitting him will only teach him that when you are angry or upset with someone, it is o.k. to hit them. Good luck.. Also, make sure your husband and yourself schedule in some "us time".

Answer 8

He's controling the home and you and your husband with his actions. You need to notice him when he is being good. Apparently you are spending too little time with him. I bet you showered him with attention when he was a baby. Now that he is developing a personality and opinions, it's not always easy to look at them as adorable. Try to find a mutual activity you can do all together, an activity with just your husband and him, and one with you and him. Don't stop getting to know your child because he is getting older. Try to understand him and play with him still. Once you establish a routine, he should settle down. Children rely on routines. Another thing, don't tell your child it's ok to do something one time and that it's not ok another time. This confuses and frustrates a child. You are the adult. Don't you lose it! He needs both you and your husband's strenth in self control! Be a good example. Good luck!

Answer 9

My husband and I had this problem with our 5 yr old also and got tired of yelling and spanking every day as well. We tried a number of things, from taking EVERYTHING AWAY to reward charts, you name it. The thing that finally worked was bed. When she is acting up, she gets no tv (can look at books quietly though), eats dinner, gets her shower and goes straight to bed, and we pay minimal attention to her. Sometimes at 6:30 or earlier, depending on how the evening goes. It took awhile for this to work, but it finally did. We believe that it is the lack of attention at all, positive and negative, that really punishes her. And being a very talkative, very interactive lively child it drives her nuts that she is being ignored for all intents and purposes.

But what works for one may not work for the next. Keep at it, and good luck!!

Answer 10

When my 5 year old acts up that way, my husband and I unite firmly and he is grounded. First we give him ample warning as to what is going to happen if he doesn't change his behavior. At that point, he gets his toys taken away. ALL of them and he is then given a chance to earn those toys back. If the bad behavior continues, he loses more priviledges. If the bad behavior continues he is grounded to his room and can come out only for dinner, school, a bath or to use the bathroom, then it is straight back to bed. Usually he turns around pretty quickly when he realizes that mom and dad are standing together and he can't use one of us against the other.