My 6 year old daughter was invited over to a classmate's house last weekend. The girl had been to our house once and is really a sweet girl. Anyway, when I picked my daughter up the mother invited me in. The house was soooo filthy I was speechless. I'm not talking messy with toys, I'm talking disgusting and dirty! It smelled so bad I couldn't wait to leave. There was animal hair all over. The garbage pail was overflowing onto the floor. There were burn holes all over the carpet. There were just dirty dishes everywhere - in the kitchen, the living room. I could go on I could go on and on.
My daughter was invited over again this weekend and I told the mom we had other plans - I lied - I really don't want my daughter over there anymore. My daughter asked why she couldn't go this weekend and I just said because. Any suggestions on how to handle this? I told my daughter she could invite her over to OUR house anytime, but she still wants to know why she can't go over there. Thanks.
2006-12-08 13:20:25 · 20 answers · asked by hotmomma 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
At some point, you're going to have to be honest with her because she will eventually discover the truth. It's best to explain to her now about why she can't go over there. At 6 years old, I seriously doubt she can hold a grudge with you for a long period of time (considering you have a lot of control over her). You have to lead by example. If you want your daughter to grow up being a honest person, I think it's ideal that you be an honest person and now is a good time to start.
2006-12-08 13:29:56 · answer #1 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would offer to help the mother clean her home, and try to befriend her. Maybe she's going through a tough, depressing time in her life. Her home could possibly reflect the way she is feeling. Is she married, or a single mom? If she's a single mom she may need some time management skills.
First invite the child's mother to your home. Just sit and talk with her and try to figure out if you just caught her at a really bad time, or does she always keep her home that way. Just sit and have some girl talk, and try to get a feel for her as a parent. I don't think it's fair to write her off as a clean woman yet. Although I can't understand why she would willingly invite you in if her home if it was filthy. I do not like people coming over my home with it out of order. I will be honest the trash overflowing sounds disgusting. But in fairness don't write her off yet.
But I wouldn't send my child over the little girl's home again yet until the parent shows better housekeeping skills. She would have to explain and demonstrate that you just caught her at a bad time. If she seems comfortable with filth then there's a big promblem. Kids have a way of repeating what they hear, so that's a tough one. But If your daughter is mature enough and will not repeat it...then I would tell her that her friend's mommy needs help cleaning right now. But make sure your little girl will not repeat what you tell her. Sometimes you have to give the kids the truth...otherwise they smell a rat. I'm a mother of 3 girls-ages 12, 7, and 20 months. At times I have told my kids the truth about why they can't do certain things...But I raise my children not to repeat what I tell them...because honesty is the best policy.
Or you could tell your daughter that a home should be clean to prevent getting ill. She'll figure out the rest if tell her this.
2006-12-08 21:59:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. When I was growing up my friend Serena would visit all the time. I went to her house twice and then decided not to go anymore because her house was filthy. She lived in a small two bedroom house and had 7 cats. They all pooped inside. They pooped in the living room, the kitchen, the bedroom. And no one picked up the poop. The smell in the house was disgusting, specially since they kept all the windows and doors closed. So, you could tell your daughter what I told my friend. I told her that my mom didn't allow me to go to other people's houses, but that I could have friends over any time. My friend was okay with that as long as we could hang out together.
Don't offer the other mom to help clean her house. There are disgusting people out there. She's aware that her house is filthy, but she's okay with it. Think about it, if she wasn't okay with it, she wouldn't have asked you in. She's a slob and you need to keep your daughter out of there before she catches a bacterial disease or something. Make sure your daughter doesn't eat or drink anything while she's there either. I doubt that woman washes her hands often.
2006-12-08 22:34:33 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be something to worry about or it may not be. The bottom line is that if you are uncomfertable with her being there then dont let her play there. If you have to tell the mother and be assertive and nice about it and she gets offended at least its better then having to come up with an exuse every time because that gets very aggrivating. Say something along the lines of "my daughter was a sickly girl (little white lie wont hurt) who gets allergies easily and if she is around dust and dirt it flares up so unfortunatly and not to be rude but she cannot go to your home when its in that state because its hard to deal with her when she gets sick like that".Im sure if you say it like that the mother may understand but she might also be offeneded...who knows you could be helping her out and she could keep her house clean. If you are feeling extra nice you could offer to help her out or take her child for a day so she can get caught up mabye shes frazzled.
2006-12-09 21:27:11 · answer #4 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you tell your daughter something like this: "Your friend's a lovely girl. I am happy to have her visit anytime. But I'd like to discuss her house with you. Perhaps you've noticed that her house is different to ours. That's because people have different standards. It doesn't automatically mean either standard is better, but they are different. I don't think your friend's house is an appropriate environment for you because we have different standards here. So if you want to play with your friend, we can bring her over here to play with."
And I agree with the person who suggested that you make the excuse that your daughter has animal allergies and won't ever visit, but also make it really clear that the other girl can come over, since you say she's a nice kid. That way no-one will be offended and you won't be giving your daughter anything to say that could be a problem.
2006-12-09 01:33:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That has got to be really hard. I just wouldn't talk about it with your daughter--kids have a tendency to tell the worst things we say. (You know what I mean!) That's so gross. I don't know what to say! I mean YUCK! I wouldn't want my boys over in a place like that!
I would probably just invite the friend over to your house before they get the chance next weekend to invite your daughter.
I guess a part of me is thinking is it really that big of a deal but I understand your concern. Man, this is a tough one. We live in a very clean and tidy house--that's just gross.
Actually, this might be a place to give your daughter a little lesson. Tell her about all the things that could happen to her if she lived in a messy place like that--but be polite about it. This way if she does tell her friend it might get to the mother but not in a mean way, you know? She might need to hear that her house is disgusting.
I'm sorry if I wasn't much help. I really feel for you. From one clean mom to another--Best of Luck!!
2006-12-08 21:30:41 · answer #6 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your daughter the real reason but explain she is never to tell anyone this as it could hurt her friends feelings quite badly. That you are treating her as a grown up by telling her the truth and that she is responsible enough to keep the reason to herself. The problem is this friend is eventually going to wonder why she can't come to her house and ask you why. Give it a few weeks and maybe allow another visit and if it is still as bad maybe call children's services because as much as it repulses you that your daughter was there for a short time imagine the friend who has to live in it
2006-12-09 00:54:41 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And the truth shall… Well you know the rest. First off I would talk to your child and show here the difference between the two homes, and explain that it is not a safe place for her to play. If it is a dirty as it sound from your description you are protecting your child from countless diseases. I would also recommend that you report the situation to the authorities; not to get the mother in trouble, but to get her the help to protect her child and in turn allow yours to be able to play at her friends.
If this is not taken care of she could actually have her children officially removed from the home.
Best of luck!
2006-12-08 21:37:08 · answer #8 · answered by KC 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lying is never the answer. Tell her the truth. That you are sorry that she can't play there, but they are just too dirty.If you like the child you can allow her at your house.I had the same problem with my child's married sister. Her house was so nasty I felt I had to wipe my feet "after" leaving. Also remember ...head lice travel..You may want to find your daughter a new friend.
2006-12-08 21:49:09 · answer #9 · answered by louise t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest. Tell your daughter the real reason, and you know how children talk- she'll tell her friend, who will then tell her mom, and perhaps it might spur her into cleaning her house.
When that girl comes over to your house, make a game of showing her how to tidy up and maybe she'll start playing the 'tidy-up' game at home too.
2006-12-09 05:25:52 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋