Too often do I hear:
"My mom won't let me ___ but I'm 18 even though I still live in her house, I think since I'm an adult I should be allowed."
I just don't get it. To me it seems obvious; if you don't like the rules then move out. Why do kids (or adults whatever you want to call them) expect to be able to run the household the moment they turn eighteen? Will you let your own children behave anyway they want while they are living in your home as adults?
2006-12-08 12:52:43 · 21 answers · asked by .vato. 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Zachary. I've been graduated from school for about three years now and I've lived on my own since. Thanks for insulting me though!
2006-12-13 01:03:48 · update #1
Of course not!
I moved out for that very reason. My dad had some rules that I didn't agree with ... so I left. I didn't have to take it anymore if I didn't want to.
Unfortunately many of my generation never learned to follow rules in the FIRST place, as children. They've been coming up with excuses their whole lives. I've always heard things like "my mom won't let me _______ but it's her fault I do it anyway, so I think I should be allowed" and "my dad won't let me ________ but all my friends do it so I don't think I should get in trouble if I do it even though he already said not to". Being an 'adult' is just their latest excuse. Later the excuses will be "I have a kid and nobody's helping me raise it", "I'm poor", or "I'm an alcoholic".
The kind of person who thinks that way will ALWAYS have excuses. Although I think the first time my 'adult' child tells me that, or I find out that's how they think, they will find their possessions on the front lawn. And I really mean their possessions. Anything I paid for is staying in my house. Too bad, so sad. If you want to live in my house, get over it.
That being said, I think it's different if a college graduate moves back home to save money. Then they have proven that they really ARE an adult, being away and taking care of themselves for four years or more. And in that situation the parents would, of course, have agreed to let their son/daughter move back in. In that case the 'child' should pay a little rent and be allowed the same freedoms as any other adult who might rent a room in their house. Unfortunately that's not what people who ask those questions mean. But that IS a situation in which I'd let my child behave as an adult while living in my home.
2006-12-08 13:05:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
True they are a adult, but they still have to follow the same house rules as anyone.
For example, they must watch their mouth (no cussing), they must respect mom and dad as they would any home owner they would live with, they can't come home drunk, or high, they also wont be allowed to be having boyfriends over for the night (no pre marital sex in our home)... The list could go on.
These rules are not their to repress them, but mainly because we will have our other under age daughters, and don't want them being negatively influenced by the older ones.
As for enforcing these rules, WE DON'T. They either get with the program, or they must move out. There is no reason to use childhood, or teenage punishments on a adult such as groundings. They are now adults, it's the real world, they can follow the rules or find their own place to live (which is OK too)
2006-12-08 20:47:39 · answer #2 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, obviously the rules would change slightly because they are grown. But NO, they would still have to follow the house rules. usually they are very simple, for one who is an adult, it would not be very hard or even unreasonable to ask that they:
1. Clean their own mess
2. Do their own laundry (unless I am doing the laundry at the time, then I would do theirs too.)
3. Keep their room clean, it is no longer my job to do so, and I like a clean house. (Who doesn't?)
4. Be in at a reasonable time, like no later than Midnight, or they will be locked out.
5. You prepare your own meals, outside the actual house meal time, I am not a servant I am their Mother.
6. I am still the boss of this household and if any rules seem unacceptable then get your own house and make your own rules.
2006-12-08 13:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by lisads1973 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way. As long as I pay the bills and own the house my rules will be followed no matter the age. When I moved back home after college I was expected to follow the house rules again until I got a job and saved enough money for my own place. Too much of a sense of entitlement from day one of parents giving into their children and then when they grow up they expect all of society to give give give to them. Stricter discipline and strict rules are not followed anymore. Too many parents are wanting to be "friends" instead of parents and that just leads to bratty kids that grow up to be whiney adults.
2006-12-08 13:09:28 · answer #4 · answered by party_pam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I pay the rent, I make the rules.... simple as that. I agree with you, if they don't like that they can move out. You don't gain anything by turning 18, other than the ability to buy porn and cigarettes. There is no life experience or knowledge that you aquire the day of your 18th birthday. So to me, unless you can act like an adult, you are not an adult.
2006-12-08 13:05:38 · answer #5 · answered by emmadropit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, they should not be exempt from the rules. Even though they are an adult, they are still living in your house, eating your food, etc Therefore, they should be forced to follow the same rules as the children in the house.
2006-12-08 12:54:46 · answer #6 · answered by Kristy 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree, that is why when I graduated, I moved out and never went back. I loved making my own rules in my own house. Now I think it is funny that I make the rules for my parents. I even put on block on my TV so my step-dad couldn't watch hunting shows at my house.
2006-12-08 13:02:55 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you. My house, my rules, you don't like, move out. That's the way it was for me and I lived in my parent's house until I was 20. I have ten more years before it's an issue for me (oldest turned 8 today) but that's how it will be for my boys too.
2006-12-08 12:56:52 · answer #8 · answered by tabithap 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
an "Adult" supports themselves, provides for a roof over their own head, and acts in their own best interest. Most 18 year olds don't qualify. the house is yours and so are the rules. Stay Strong!
2006-12-08 14:21:51 · answer #9 · answered by long time mom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I turned 18 the only thing that did not apply for me was grounding. Other then that I had the same rules.
2006-12-08 13:32:09 · answer #10 · answered by angel01182 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋