my 9 year old daughter?

Question

My 9 year old daughter is the oldest of 5, I have been divorced from her father since she was 2 and she continues to see him but lately she has a real smart mouth and has even hit me and my husband. I noticed she is even hitting her brothers more. Sometimes she comes home from schools in the worst moods shes always yelling and get this whiny voice when shes mad. Shes even etting into fights at her real father's house . i don't know what to do . MY parents say its because I was so bad at her age but I don't want her to make the same mistakes i did I got pregnant with her when i was only 17. we feel like our hands are tied any one else have this problem?

Answer 1

It seems to me that 9 years old is awfully young to develop an attitude like this. Why don't you speak with her school counselor. Does she get good grades? What's bothering her? I would not tolerating her hitting. She doesn't have to love you if she doesn't want to, but she should be made to respect you. You need to get a handle on this now before she hits the teen years. Do all you can to get her straightened out. Maybe spending some time with her alone, without the other children, could be a step in the right direction, but I think you need to get some counseling help. Good Luck.

Answer 2

I would suggest that its a combination of hormones starting, and theres always the possibility that something is going on at school that you're not aware of. Girls at that age even can be really mean, about the stupidest stuff. I would suggest that maybe when she comes home from school you make sure she has some time to relax and she feels comfortable and loved at home so that if anythings going on at school she has a place where she's safe. Also, just ask her if somethings bothering her, she might open up.
Every mother and daughter has a bad time, my mom and i used to fight constantly when I was 13-15 (I cant believe I used to tell her I hated her), and now at 20 were as close as can be. I know its hard with so many kids in the house but do your best to be patient, it will pass. Also I would suggest letting the whiney voice pass. Shes obviously upset about something and there's no use in fighting with her over it, its just a ton of voice and she probably doesnt always realise shes doing it, shes just taking stress out on you. its not fair, but just let it sliiiide.
good luck = )

Answer 3

Welcome to the wonderful world of girls, lol
My oldest daughters worst year was at between 8 and 9. That's like the terrible 2s & 3s all over again. You cure is almost the same. at 2 & 3 you do a lot of time outs, and a few spankings. At 8 and 9 they know better, you do a lot of spanking, and a few time outs.

I have always found discipline followed up with a consequence, then topped off with more discipline works best. The discipline which works best for me is communication (talks, very long talks on what acceptable behavior is, and what is not) for the consequence, try time outs, long time outs, taking favorite toys away, grounding, and spanking (my old reliable, lol)

For more of the minor things such as pouting, not doing what is asked right away (anything you would consider minor). I would do what we call our 3 strikes rule. First time=warning, Second=taking toy, or privilege away, Third=spanking (I will explain the spanking, on how to make them always work later). With my oldest 2 daughters, I have only had to give one spanking each for our 3 strikes policy. They always do what is asked after the warning.

As for the spanking, If you don't make is a bad experience don't bother doing them. I would say make sure to pull down pants and panties, place them over your laps, and give them at least a dozen or more good sharp stinging spanks to the bottom. It's OK for children to be crying hard after a good spanking, that's the way it's suppose to be.

Lastly, never have your new husband play a hand in the spanking, this you need to do (spankings from mom or dad only). I do suggest talking this over with her dad (your ex). A perfect situation would be for her to see a united front from both mom and dad, hopefully for you, her dad does his share of the spanking too.

Good Luck

Answer 4

At this age this is normal but needs correcting.
U got to let your daughter know who is boss.
When she pushes your limit button, take her TV away from her or the internet.
Usually a punishment like this works.
U got to let her know what she is doing is very inappropiate,
And keep hounding, dont let up, it will sink in.
Most all parents of girls at that age go through this or worse.
The child is growing up...its the midage from being a child and being a teenager. Hormones are rising.
The best thing u can do is pray for her.

Answer 5

Yes, you need to take things away and ground, ground, ground! He (her father) should be asked to use the same method to punish her as you do. Do it as soon as you can or in a few more years, maybe even less, you will be a grandmother and him a grandfather! Kids need boundaries, they want it, they crave it. The fact that you have five kids may mean she is not getting the attention she needs in a positive way and she is acting out to get it negatively. At that age, in her mind, attention is attention......Good luck!

Answer 6

Back up.You said she comes home from school in the worst moods.A child that is having a problem in school does not leave that problem in school.They bring it home with them.I can bet you someone at school is beating up your daughter and she is afraid to tell anyone.You need to have a serious talk with her.

Answer 7

maybe she is reacting to the unrest between you and your husband (your other question regarding your husband and you). Discipline and a feeling of safety and love are important to children. Work on your marriage (counselling) and set out clear actions and consequences for bad behaviour and stick to it every time not just sometimes

Answer 8

I'm a huge fan of the program called Love and Logic. It's terrific for parents and teachers. It's all about using DISCIPLINE - not PUNISHMENT to be a supportive parent. (Supportive does not mean indulgent.) Check out the website or amazon for their books. The one I like is something like, Love and Logic for When Kids Made You Crazy - or something like that. This child needs intervention. Please help yourself and her. Best of luck.

Answer 9

Time out ...And grounding helps.... I got a baby bottle and had a string tied around it and made my girl wear it around their neck.Told them if they want to act like a baby's... there was their bottle.... Only had to do this maybe 2x ~ TY

Answer 10

well for one she is a girl and this is just the start, kids are starting puberty at very young ages now so mabye shes starting that phase, If not remind her that it hurts her siblings when she hits them and that they look up to her and it makes them sad when shes mean to them...