My daughter's teacher is acting like a jerk...?

Question

My 13 year old daughter's teacher is behaving terribly toward her.

My daughter is a very independent and quiet girl. She gets good grades and doesn't have emotional issues. However, I suppose it is because she is so quiet, her teacher has decided she must be "depressed". He has suggested counseling to her and has asked her if she cuts herself. This has made my daughter uncomfortable and she is very put off by him, probably adding to his suspicions, because...

Today, another student was acting very quiet, and her teacher asked, "What's the matter with you? Are you on drugs? You're acting like her", and he pointed to my daughter.

I made an appointment to talk with the principal on Tuesday. Is it a violation of her rights if they ask to see her arms?

She sleeps in shorts and is sitting next to me in a tank top right now, and I assure you there are no markings on her skin.

graham cracker head...i told my daughter the same thing about showing her arms, but she feels that she shouldn't have to prove it, since his accusations are not based on facts. she is deeply offended and i agree with her.

if he thought she had been raped, should he demand she pull her pants down? i know that's extreme, but it's the principle of the matter.

i don't want to be defiant, but i don't want him to push her around any further, even if it's to show him her clean arms.

mitch...i thought the same thing. putting kids in such a negative spotlight, especially in front of the entire class can drive her into depression!

angry american...you are right. her emotional health is my number one priority. i never want to be in denial about any problems she may have. my concern is that he went to far by making that statement.

i appreciate if he is concerned for my daughter, but he needs to express that to me, not degrade her in front of the whole class.

Answer 1

A teacher should never embarrass or humiliate a student, If there are concerns or suspicions then the teacher should report those suspicions and or concerns to the schools principal who in turn will evaluate the situation to determine what if any action should be taken. All of this should be done in privacy, not in front of other students and or teachers. Teachers also should not belittle or embarrass students in the class room for any reason.
There may be some ethical and or moral violations of her rights due to the teachers actions but if ask to show her arms in order to verify or discredit those concerns I don't think that would constitute a violation.

Answer 2

I would meet with the principal and the teacher immediately -- don't wait until next week. Listen to them, and make sure that you take accurate notes or bring along a tape recorder. If you are satisfied with their answers to your questions and any solutions they may have, then use your best judgment. However, I seriously don't think that you will get very far -- teachers who do that will often deny they have done anything and will often blame the student for the offenses. The only person that has the right to ask your child to raise her sleeves is the principal, and if it is the opposite gender must have a school board employee of the same gender present at all times -- much like a search of pockets and things.

Let me also give you another piece of advice. Each state has a board of education. Within each there is an Ethics panel that has jurisdiction over every teacher in that state, and is assigned to investigate these types of things. They also have the power to reprimand or remove the teacher's certification. I think that at least part of his actions are unethical, and could be cause for dismissal. If it were my child, I would make sure that the principal and teacher both know that I intend to file a grievance with the ethics panel of the State Board as soon as possible.

Answer 3

I think what your doing is the best route to go. Secondly I do not think your daughter should have to prove herself to some jerk. The worst part about the situation is that he thinks she has some sort of emotional disturbance what does he think his remarks are doing to her. She goes to school to learn not be harassed by her teacher. That comment you posted Today, another student was acting very quiet, and her teacher asked, "What's the matter with you? Are you on drugs? You're acting like her", and he pointed to my daughter. That right then and there should of instantly alarmed the principal or someone because that right there is assassination of her character. Also when you conference with the principal and hopefully the teacher will be there ask him: What do you want my daughter to be this loud rude kid and talk all during your class and not get her work done. What is wrong with her being quiet. You should see by her work there is not wrong with her because if something was emotionally wrong with her like you think she would not be putting her best effort forward and getting high grades her grades would be low if something to matter with her FOOL! People are so harsh now and days it is a good awful shame!!! Good Luck!!!
I also I think you should sue the pants off that teacher and school for harassment and change her school or class because she does not deserve that!!!

Answer 4

I also had a teacher that was acting very similar to what your daughter is going through. I felt as though I was being attacked. You should definitely make an appointment with the principal, but no matter what is said in the teachers defense by the principal should matter to you. Your first job is to protect your child. Get her a new teacher and do not take no for an answer. Your daughter will feel as though you are on her side and care. If anything is bothering her she may open up to you because it.

Answer 5

I would like to think that his intentions are good....but I have to agree with you he is acting like a jerk. Remember when you talk to the principal that you don't get over-emotional...they will blow you off and just think you are an "over protective Mommy". Jot some notes down for yourself so that you cover all the points and reasons why you want to slay the guy!

FYI I have a daughter in the same age group and she has a great bunch of kids she hangs out with and about a month or so ago the group found one of them was cutting. A bright, talented, articulate, funny, straight A student that has a great family life, & lots of good friends,....the group told a favored teacher and now the child is in counseling...it can happen anywhere to anyone.

Tell your daughter to hang in there...it takes all kinds to make the world go around!! Happy Holiday's.

Answer 6

I think your child's teacher is a giant jerk and yes you are doing the right thing talking to the principal-My daughter is also a good student and quiet and never has a teacher asked my kid such stupid questions. The teacher needs to lose his/her job,he doesn't sound like he should be around children. If the principal does nothing, have a talk with the superintendent about the issue

Answer 7

That teacher is defintiley wrong for saying all of that. That is ridiculous. I was a veryyyy quiet girl all through school, but I was also an A student and very happy. I didnt have any issues, wasnt depressed or anything. He is just being stupid. I would definitley go have a talk with the principal. That is uncalled for. Good Luck with it. Hope the principal will listen to you and do something about it.

Answer 8

I can identify with your daughter. (I'm 14) I'm also very quiet, independent, etc..I've had people ask me if I'm "depressed"..Some people just like to be by themselves, this doesn't mean their "lonely" but merely that they enjoy their time that they have to themselves. You're doing the right thing. What the teacher said is highly uncalled for and you need to do something to stop it. People make false accusations about others and it's just plain wrong. No, it's not a violation of her rights if they ask to see her arms..I think (if your daughter is willing) you, she, and the principal should sit down and talk, and then, if the principal turns out to be an understanding guy who agrees with you, you should sit down with him, the teacher, and your daughter (if she is willing).

Answer 9

I was the same way I didnt like answering questions in school and I had good grades also and was afraid when the teachers made us stand up to answer questions . This is wrong what this teacher is doing and I cant help wondering what is going on in his head . The way some kids are these days you cant get them to listen let alone work on school work . He should be happy he has a student that is listening to him and getting good grades in his room so what is his problem ? there are the kids that like all the attention and there are quite ones that dont like to be called upon in the class .Yes if I was you I would also do something about him . Good Luck

Answer 10

I would confront the teacher directly and tell him to "lay off". I would also request that she be removed from his class, he seems to have "prejudged" her for no reason at all. If the principle doesn't help, I would talk to the school superintendant and possibly a lawyer. My son was harrassed by a principal in high school for dressing like an "individual". He was well behaved and got good grades and is now in college. He wore a "derby" hat and round sunglasses (not in class) and had long hair. I hate when teacher's think they can bully a child into conformity!!