Spanked my 14 year old?

Question

Well I finally did it today. For 3 months my husband and I have been threatening our son with a spanking. He has been completely out of control and this really was a last resort. We've always tried positive reenforcement, we've tried grounding, taking away his playstation and didn't get the results we wanted.

He broke a car window this afternoon and then lied about it even though his friend ratted him out. He then smarted off. I sent him to his room and told him he was getting spanked. I was thinking he might be too old for this but we've tried everything.

Anyway, I got up there and he immediately started struggling with me. I finally sat down and got his pants and underwear down. From a maturity standpoint he is still a little kid and seeing him reaffermed that. I pinned him good over my lap and let him have it. I spanked him about 15 times and judging from the fit he through he was sorry.

I'm tempted to have his dad spank him again tonight for lying and resisting me. What do you think?

He hasn't started puberty yet. there would be no way I would have spanked him that was the case.

Answer 1

I do believe in spankings, but I think 14 is too old for such discipline. This form of discipline should have been taken when he was younger before he got so out of control.

Answer 2

Congrats. If you keep it up consistently I am sure it will result in a lot of improvement.

If you think it is necessary for the message to sink in I think it is fine for his Dad to give him a second.

More importantly, be sure and follow up the next misbehavior in the same way. Don't just do the threats. If you threaten any type of punishment you must always follow through.

Next time I would use something like a paddle--he'll be even sorrier and your hand will thank you:)

note: Some people mentioned the bare bottom spanking. I spank bare bottom. However, at his age it would have been better if his father had done it I think. On the other hand he acted like a child and....Also, I don't believe the "wait until your father gets home" is usually the best thing. So I will defer to your judgment on that one.

Answer 3

Well my personal opinion is he is too old (I am a firm believer in corporal punishment & think we lack it in this generation!), yet I would not have chosen this path w/ his age. Although he seems very defiant! I definitely would not have taken his pants down...puberty or not to me it falls way past humiliation which is not the purpose of discipline. Which is to set a consequence for a rebellion to teach responsibility and maturity and teach boundaries. And being the Mom I really find that inapropriate, although it seems you did it from desperate yet a pure heart!

Spanking may be the answer but I would have passed that job to the Dad for a boy 14 yrs. I have 3 and another on the way and I fully believe boys especially need as much reinfocement from Dad as possible in the discipline.

I think somewhere he needs some HEAVY consequences that you do not budge on! Consistency! Put the rules in place as well as the disciplinary action he will receive and DO NOT back down! You are the parent, let him know that, not in anger, but with authority in love and as much patience as you can muster! I know it will be hard! May God be with you on this tough journey!

Answer 4

take away everything. Just leave him in there with paper and a pencil and force him to write an apologetic letter to the person. After that, force him to do various jobs for the guy's broken window. If he is too out of control, threaten to dump the skateboard (i'm assuming he has one), or sell the playstation. I'm 12 and even to me he sounds immature. Spank him, and then state that you did out loud, infront of his friends.

You need to stop him before he reaches puberty. If he goes and works out every day, then you won't be able to spank him soon.

Answer 5

the spanking should have been used years ago when it was effective as a swat one swat on the behind clothes on .
you did this and that is your choice . its fine with me but i wont use that option again due to the age.
i think that you and your husband need to realize that you don't have the success with your child up bringing that you would have liked. you two i think should seek some help advice from a professional . i am not suggesting your bad parents or that your kid is nuts but i am saying that your child is near to the point where he will either become a criminal or become a regular member of society. the school may have someone at no charge or no of some one that is at low cost. you may also want to ask for a referral from the child's doctor to see someone.
i would do the doctor referral first because i worry a little that the boy will get a label printed on his education file if you go that route . but here's the thing if you don't get some help then he is going to get a label and it will read "prisoner 23211" i am really conserned about this boy i have come back to write that i think every person before me on here has been correct. I know that now is the time that you need to put the fear thats right the fear of God in him. let that boy know in no uncertain terms that God is real he is watching every moment and he will put the boy in hell if he does not change his ways. you need to be 100% positvie that the boy knows that hell is real and you need to do whatever is needed to make that boy understand that hell is not the place to be headed.
punish that boy now punish that boy like you have onlly one second left to make him understand that he must change his ways.
trully i tell you if you fail at this that boy will not only go to prison he will go to hell. for all eternity. you and your husband must come together on this matter like you have never come together before you must together leave nothing out of bounds when it comes to a tool to teach that boy he is headed for hell.
if you have to strave the boy for four days and nights so he know what living on the street will be like do that . give him water.
you teach that boy in the most graphic of ways what hell is like now or he will end up seeing and feeling it for himself soon.
i pray for you i pray you and your husband see that boy standing right at the edge of a cliff with hell below because that is where he is now.
i feel this so much i cant discribe how important a moment you are at with the boy .

Answer 6

I applaud you. Here the thing though, without realizing you contributed to the misbehavior, as silly as this sounds, let me explain. With children, if you do threaten, make it a reasonable threat, and ALWAYS follow through, do not allow it to go on for three months. If you say I will spank your butt if it does not stop and I mean stop it now, then if it continues follow through, spank him. For something as serious as breaking windows, and have tried everything else, then I would do a double--1. gets spanked 2.your are grounded until the window is paid for.
The second spanking is not necessary and he would probably not understand the reason for it, it would be (so to speak) overkill.
This way he learns two lessons, one is you will not tolerate that form of behavior, and the second, one must respect anothers' property the consequences would be fair.
Again, I applaud you for putting your foot down, just letting you know that following through on a threat immediately will improve ones behavior.

Answer 7

That is pretty old to be spanking, I would assume.
My son is thirteen but I've always kept him in line usually if I curse to him and give him the look (The fear of god in him) he is understanding and remorsefully. I use to just give him a good hard smack on his backside usually once or twice, but I found that I did not have to very often. I think now we just talk. I tell him what I expect from him and he is more understanding. I treat him more like an adult.

Answer 8

Hey your his mom, I think you did just fine. I have 3 girls all 10 and under, they all know about the value of a good old fashioned spanking (as you described) . I personally would look to other methods at that age, but that's just our plan, I can't say for sure I have the right plan, no one knows that. All I can say is people have used spanking for years with great results, so when you decide to stop is up to you. The key is that you didn't let his misdeed go unpunished, way to go!!!!

As to having his dad do another one, sounds like you got the message across, so there's no need for another one.

Props to you
Good Luck

Answer 9

He's 14 and you were ripping his clothes off him and smacking his bare backside?

His dad lives there with you and him?

If his dad agreed that a spanking was "earned" then his dad should have been the one to give it ... whether on the seat of the trousers or on the bare butt. The hairbrush can sure smart, but it makes me smarter too. At 14 he should have had the choise, bearing his butt or having it bared!!

Answer 10

I think a second spanking wouldn't be needed. The first spanking itself likely made less an impression on him then the realization that you would really do it.

I would suggest now that he's been punished he learns a life lesson about responsibility and pays for the window he broke.