How submissive should wives be to their husbands?

Question

Shoud they obey everything they say or just certain things, or is it conditional on the behavior of the husband?

Answer 1

I would like to compare the word submit to the phrase "go with the flow." That's the way I take it.

Women are naturally receptive. Men are naturally proactive.

I learned a GREAT deal about this over the past 3 years by dancing with women. Men lead, ladies follow. I have yet to hear a single complaint from women about having to do what her dance partner tells her to do. But I sure do hear a lot of apologizing by teachers that women can't be in charge of the dance. Seems like we are on a sort of guilt trip about it because so many people just don't understand the mind of women. We assume that the ladies don't want to be led in dance. But I think they do. I think they enjoy the freedom and the fact that dancing for them is just fun and relaxing and they don't have to worry about anything. For guys it's more of a contest. We try to outdo each other. We try to learn the coolest hardest moves and we want to impress the girls. We want girls to think we are the best dancers. But that competitive nature is pretty much what guys are like anyway. Again dance parallels life.

The relationship in dance is very similar to a biblical view of male/female relationships. Men lead, ladies follow. But don't get me wrong. BOTH serve each other. A lead in dance is a request. She can choose to follow the lead or to not follow it. But she wouldn't have much fun if she didn't follow it. Dancing for ladies is fun because they can relax and they don't have to worry about anything. They don't have to memorize any moves or learn patterns or worry about bumping into other people or hurting her partner. All they have to do is follow. That might sound condescending to some of you who don't dance, but take it from me, sometimes I wish I didn't have to worry about all those things.

Life is a lot like that. Ladies like to be taken care of, right? There are a lot of things that women, well most everybody in fact, would rather not be in charge of. Ladies, don't you like it when you go out on a date and the guy has taken care of every single detail? From deciding where to go, getting the tickets, driving to the show all the way to making sure a coat/blanket is available in case you get cold. Don't you like it when you can just relax and know everything will be taken care of? You can put your mind at ease. And we men really enjoy putting your minds at ease. A lot of our confidence is riding on the ability to put our lady's mind at ease. It all comes down to service.

Men do a lot to serve women. When a man serves a lady, what would it do to him if she tries to take over? Imagine planning a date. You spend all week researching, making reservations, buying tickets, getting things for the date, even cooking dinner yourself. Then on the date your date tries to take over or makes insulting comments about the date. It would ruin the date! It would probably be the last date you have with that person! A girl's got to submit (or go with the flow) when necessary.

A guy's purpose in dancing is to show the girl a good time. So the dance really becomes about her. If a man has the proper attitude, then his life should be for God. He shows his Love for God by protecting and serving his wife first. His wife is number... well, 2 after God. But the number one human. If the man lives for his wife, then so too should she live for her husband. The man is in charge of the entire family. He is the spiritual leader, the provider and the protector. If his wife usurps this responsibility, then it puts the family in danger and it disrespects him. The next time something comes up that needs a courageous strong man's attention, if he has a dominating wife, he will more likely to be less successful at handling it.

The bottom line is, guys are meant to serve the wife. So the wife is meant to go with the flow and let him serve her. She should respond in kind and develop a serving attitude towards her husband as well.

Both serve. That I truly believe is what God intended.

There is one verse that is usually left out of these discussions...
Ephesians 5:33
33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Men are COMMANDED to love, not respect.
Women are COMMANDED to respect, not love.

Does this mean that it's okay for men to not respect the wife? No way! Men communicate to each other with respect. We understand respect. Love though. That's foreign to us. The husband respects his wife by his very nature. So he has to be told to love her. Women are just the opposite. They communicate with love. A wife loves her husband ANYWAY. But respect to her is not as important. So she is commanded to ADD respect to her vocabulary. Both are entitled to love AND respect. Just be sure that the spouse gets BOTH!

Answer 2

The rules saying that women must obey their husbands in everything was placed in the Old Testament because a beautiful Queen, Vashti, the first wife of King Ahasuerus refused to dance naked for her drunken husban and his drunken friends. The king takes all of her wealth away and makes it a law that wives must obey their husbands in everything. The king then has a beauy pagent, sleeps with the contestants, and Esther wins, makes the best of a bad situation and later saves the Jews from genocide.. For the full story read the Book of Esther.
Queen Vashti has been used as an example by Rabis of what happens to a disobedient wife. Yearly there is a festival where girls dress up as beautiful Esther to honor her courage and someone dresses up as ugly Vashti to represent her disobedience

Answer 3

Do not misinterpret that. Wives should be a servant to their husbands, and the husband should be a servant to his wife. What you are referring to is misquoted. I do not like the way that some churches preach this! Yes we should serve each other the same as we serve God. This means listening to the other, not she says take out the trash and you say clean the floors, but listen to the works spoken. The man is meant to be the leader in the household, but being a leader does not mean being a dictator, it simply mean we have to lead our family in the right way. Support them, provide for them, show them what is right and wrong by our actions and words. If their is a decision that can not be compromised on then the man should be capable of making the right decision and be prepared to live with the consequences. For example, if we arguing about how spend money when it is tight I should not be the one who is trying to eat out or go golfing, I should make the best decision for my family. That is all. If she needs me to do something she should be able to tell me to get it done.

Answer 4

We'll See Our Mary Again "Marking the entrance to the valley of the Great Salt Lake and standing as a sentinel pointing the way, is located "This Is the Place" monument. Here is featured Brigham Young—his back turned to the privations, hardships, and struggles of the long desert way, his outstretched arm pointing to the valley of precious promise. . . ."That first trek of 1847, organized and led by Brigham Young, is described by historians as one of the great epics of United States history. Mormon pioneers by the hundreds suffered and died from disease, exposure, or starvation. There were some who, lacking wagons and teams, literally walked the 1,300 miles across the plains and through the mountains, pushing and pulling handcarts. In these groups, one in six perished."For many, the journey didn't begin at Nauvoo, Kirtland, Far West, or New York, but rather in distant England, Scotland, Scandinavia, or Germany. . . ."Between the safety of home and the promise of Zion stood the angry and treacherous waters of the mighty Atlantic. Who can recount the fear that gripped the human heart during those perilous crossings? Prompted by the silent whisperings of the Spirit, sustained by a simple yet abiding faith, they trusted in God and set sail on their journey. Europe was behind, America ahead."On board one of those overcrowded and creaking vessels of yesteryear were my great-grandparents, their tiny family, and a few meager possessions. The waves were high, the voyage long, the quarters cramped. Tiny Mary had always been frail, but now with the passage of each day, her anxious mother saw the little one becoming weaker. She had a serious illness. There was no neighborhood drugstore, no doctor's prescription, no modern hospital—just the steady roll of the tired old ship. Day after day worried parents watched for land, but there was none. Soon, Mary could not stand. Lips that were too weak to speak trembled with silent but eloquently expressed wonderment and fear. The end drew near. Little Mary peacefully passed beyond this veil of tears."As family and friends crowded around on the open deck, the ship's captain directed the service; and that precious, ever-so-small body, placed tenderly in a tear-stained canvas, was committed to the angry sea. Her strong father, in emotion-choked tones, comforted her grieving mother, repeating, ' "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21.) We'll see our Mary again!' " Thomas S. Monson, "Come, Follow Me," Ensign, July 1988, 2, 4 Topics: Sacrifice, Testimony

Answer 5

Serving God is never conditional, however God is very understanding. And remember husbands are to love their wife's just like Christ loved the church, and gave His life for it. See God created woman to be a help meet to man. When God did this He made her perfect in every way possible. The problem is though, man wanted to change that, us fellows, me included, are always trying to improve on what God has done. A woman is very sensitive to the needs in the home, and I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just the way God made her. One of the things that she is most sensitive to is their husband. When he shows her love the way Christ commanded him to she will submit to him in everything.When he wants to treat her like the devil would have him to, She is going to try and correct that because God has created her to see to the needs of the home. It is not her responsibility to see that the home is run the way Christ would have it, we are to be the head of the home,That is the husbands job, and brother without Christ being our head we will fail miserably. We our also to submit one unto the other Eph. 5:21. I would like to leave additional scripture on this.If you will take heed to the word of God you will have the best wife in the whole wide world like I do. God Bless and don't forget to pray.

Answer 6

Why is it no one asks how submissive men should be to their wives? Did the ERA movement never happen? I remember it....
There can be no submissiveness from either party in a marriage. Certainly not if you want a successful marriage. You do realize that the word "obey" was removed from the vows, right?

Answer 7

Me and my usband you know we discuss things together and are very polite in the manner that we talk to eachother, when discussing religious matters we call eachother siste and brothers and he listens to my thought opinions and ideas and takes them in but i put him as head of the home and he has the last say... most of the time i am right though so his last say is what i wanted

Answer 8

if the wife is living according to the WORD, she will b totally submissive to her husband...hence the reasoning behind being EQUALLY yoked...cause if you are a Christian woman married to an unbeliever, your life is fixin to be hell on earth if you are really going to try to live right.

Answer 9

Only insofar as the husband completes the SECOND part of the Biblical verse:

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for her."

People always read the first part...and forget the all-important second part!!

Answer 10

Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

A good Christian would submit to their spouse in every way as long as it was morally right. It does not matter whether one is male or female. Perfect submittance would imply perfect love and perfect respect.

Answer 11

Well...now. Submissive as in let them tie you up, beat you and make you mop the floor on your hands and knees....bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Respect is a MUCH better word. Respect her and she will not have to be submissive to meet your needs nor you to meet hers. Your wife will be honored to love you and meet your needs and respect you.

Try reading a more modernized version...