What would you do? At a football party some one blurts out a racial slur.?

Question

I was at a football viewing party with some "friends"...about 6 or 7 people.I met them 14 weeks ago at a bar on opening day of football season. I was the only AfricanAmerican there. A black ball player dropped the ball. We all let out groans of disappointment. One guy blurts out the N-word. It was ponderous. I never met anyone that had their verbal reflexes hot-wired to say "******" when ever a black football drops a ball. . . F-ing Ponderous.

1.But, what would you have done?
2.What would you expect out of your "friends".
3.Would this disturb you? How long would this disturb you

Answer 1

honestly, i would probably find some new friends.

Answer 2

Obviously, as a white female I can only guess what I would have done or how I would have felt.

But first let me ask you this.....Was this foolish individual drinking alcohol? (This is NOT a valid excuse)

I just wonder if this clown simply was not thinking and just blurted it out. Maybe no one said anything because they were praying to God that you didn't hear it, or they were merely mortified and didn't know what to say! I sure wouldn't know what to say if I was one of the friends present and heard the slur.

1) Maybe if I were you, I would confront him and ask him if he realized what he said and tell him you didn't appreciate it. If he is just a jerk and has issues with African Americans, then you need to sever your ties with him.

2) I wouldn't expect anything from your friends right then, at the moment - like, not to make a big scene out of it. For all you know, someone could have pulled this guy aside and asked him if he realized what he just said. You don't know. Your friends could have spoken to him after this incident and set him straight. I would speak privately to your "closest' bud in the group candidly about the incident and ask him what his take on the whole thing is.

3) Yes, it would disturb me at first. However, if I got all the facts and this guy was drunk, or just an insensitive clod, I wouldn't worry about it too much. People screw up. It happens all the time. I am not perfect - I cannot say I have never told a joke about an African American, Mexican, Jew, Arab, Asian, redneck, dumb blonde, etc. That does not make me a racist. That just makes me a silly, goofy gal with a great sense of humor.
- you need to get the facts. If he is racist..he will show his true "colors", (no pun intended!)...If not, you just should let it go and give him another chance. If he does it again, then rip his *** apart and embarrass the crap out of him in front of everyone.

Answer 3

Did he do it more than once? First time he said it, I probably would have flashed him a look. Second time, I would have called him on it, and what the response was would set the stage for what I would do next. Now if were done more than twice, and you had said nothing, and no one else did, I think by your silence you had indicated you weren't insulted. Maybe the others figured if you didn't speak up, that it was somehow okay. (So Not)

If you said nothing, and you intend to get together with them again for a game, then I would suggest that you say something to the potty mouth and let him know that what he said was unacceptable. If he says it again, then you know the caliber of person you are dealing with.

When I am out, I find that there is always a few that like to swear, for some reason people think that the F word is perfectly acceptable. They don't care that there are children around. I have spoken up and asked people to please watch their language. 99% of the people apologize and I don't hear it again. That 1% well, my request was a serious waste of breath.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Well, I would react instinctevely like the French (from domiciled Algerian parents) who chestbutted the Italian player when he made a racial remark.The French player is a renowned one and perhaps the danger of his expulsion from serious matches was always there(though it was the last match he was to play and then retire) and yet he could not help it and did it.Although the racial ends are increasingly rubbing themselves out in the world there are a few misanthrope white-mans' burdenwallas who survive and richly deserved this violent treatment. The latest form of such trends is revealed in the 'terrorist' phenomenon where every Muslim(or somebody resembling him) is the target.Even if I am not a Muslim I am an Asian and can at an time be equated with one and manhandled .I believe in violent reaction and would also expect my friends(wheher whites or non-whites) to join in the protest. Such uncouth behavious would constantly distrub me for I am sailing in the same boat and my journey is long and ardous.

Answer 5

1)I would have been tempted to give him a tap on the face but I wouldn't do it. Too old. It never does anything but ruin the party and create regret. Some people are good at saying clever things and diffusing the situation. I'm not. I would probably just show class and drop it and get a new gang to watch football with.
2)I would expect my friends to say something, definitely. I would say if they fail in that situation one has to question the value of their friendship.
3)I think that situation would disturbe me for about a week and then piss me off from time to time for quite a while, and then eventually I would forget about it.

Answer 6

I would really expect the other 'friends' in this situation to say something. I have never had the misfortune of being in your situation, but I have totally been with a black friend among other 'friends' when something like this was said, and I felt obligated to stick up for her.

1) it would have made me feel awkward, but I probably wouldn't have said anything at the moment.
2) I would expect another friend (especially a white friend in your situation) to stand up for me and say at least "STFU!"
3) It would disturb me until the situation was resolved. My husband's friends are sometimes crude to the point that I feel they are sexist, and until these things get resolved (i.e. 'you're never allowed to say 'c**t' in my house again'), they leave me feeling unsettled, and that's normal.

I'd consider new friends. There are lots of other people out there of any and all races that would oppose the use of that word.

Answer 7

I may have said "Hey, watch it, white boy." or something like that. I would not expect it from my friends but 14 weeks does not a friend make. I would be disturbed and probably for a long time because I'm like that.

I'd stay friends with the group but shy away from the guy who said it. He may notice and apologize at a later date. If he does it again then he just doesn't care.

Answer 8

1. What I would have done would have depended on his reaction. If he was sticking to his guns, I would have called him a jack @ss and left. I wouldn't want to stay in the company of someone who proudly speaks that way. If he was recalcitrant, I would have given him a dirty look and leave him to his embarrassment.

2. I would have expected my friends to be disapproving in some way. Everyone expresses disappointment differently so I can't say exactly what I would have expected.

3. I would never speak to him again. If my friends insisted on having him at events, I might not go. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if I had to be concerned with giving that guy the cold shoulder.

Answer 9

1. Regardless of the epithet used, or of the races present, I would have said something, probably along the lines of "Dude, that's totally uncool/not good. Please don't say sh** like that again." If it was my home, I would ask him to apologize or leave.

2. Most of my friends are pretty mellow and enlightened people, and are not "hard-wired" to call names of any sort or make hurtful generalizations about other groups. I have one friend who is a very notable exception - she is a sweet and loving person generally, but was raised by a somewhat racist family, and she occassionally bursts out with an bizarre racist comment. The rest of us are usually so appalled by the sheer absurdity of the comment that we hang open-mouthed for a minute, but then we jump on her and point out the folly of her comment to her. She's getting better.

3. This would disturb me greatly. I'm white and live in an area that's mostly white, Asian, and Hispanic, but few black people. But I don't think anyone's ever actually used that word in conversation in my presence. The only times I recall hearing it in person is in an intellectual debate of a college course, such as "Mark Twain's use of the word "n*****" in Tom Sawyer reflects the sociological...."

I guess most of the people I know or hang out with are pretty decent people - behavior like this is just preposterous and inexcusable in this day and age. Thankfully you hadn't known these "friends" long, so it's no loss to you if you stop hanging out with them. I would suggest giving the one guy the cold shoulder unless he apologizes directly to you, and base your contact with the others on their reaction to the one idiot.

Answer 10

Good question. Im white and english. The n word is not in common usage in england but there are racial slurs of course, however i lived in florida for 1 year and it opened my eyes and ears to just how many adverage white people use the n word in passing conversation. I was shocked at the level of casual use. Of course alot of whites wanna be ghetto so they even call other whites n, its pathetic of course but i can see how it could become a bad habit. Id say its probably more of a bad habit with this guy than a deliberat racist thing. If you are brough up in that enviroment, i guess its something that sticks weather you like it or not. Like when I automaticall say jesus if i mess up. It just pops out. Like you said hot wired. Im not black but this is how i see it. As far as what would i do, I would tell him to remember who he is around. I dont have many friends as I always had too high expectations of people, in otherwords, if you wanna have friends you have to let some bad parts of their personality slide. Everyone has bad points. It wouldnt disturb me much, listen to the most popular form of music, hip hop, whites sing this stuff in their cars, then they sing the n parts too of course. Even if your not racist you pick up bad, bad habits. Seriously if you wanna get that word out of society, black artists should stop using it because whites who aint racist now think its cool to use it, and due to hip hop its probaly in usage amongst whites more now than in the last 50 years. Im sure eminem would give his right arm to have the right to say the n word, id be amazed if he doesnt use it in private.

Answer 11

It's sad, but you will always be encounterd with ignorant racists. Theres really nothing you can do, there will always be an idiot who is ignorant out there.

Anyway, that football player who dropped the ball probably makes more money that the guy who called him the N word and his entire family and friends combined.

I would just get over it. Be strong and understand that there are ignorant people all over the place. You just can't help it.