I lose my voice and my breath?

Question

When i get into an argument with someone even if i am right i get very nervous and i lose my breath and lose my voice sometimes and i end up giving up all the time. for example there was a mistake in the hospital bill the other day and i was trying to explain that to the financial department and she got mad and yelled at me so i was able to tell her “please do not” --then i lose my voice for about a min or 2 and then i got it back and i said” talk to me that way” and then she “said you are not understanding” so i told her “no there is a problem with the totals they do not add up” and then she told me “no you are wrong” and i wanted to argue to prove me point but i lost my breath and i ended up saying ok and just paying for the whole thing which is wrong. This happens of course more when i am face to face with someone and it is worse. My face starts to shake specially my lips. What do you think i can do to avoid or reduce that? I do not know if people notice it and I do not want them to and I do not want them to abuse it.

Answer 1

Sometimes I get nervous also. I think you have to really practice though, even when you're not in a conversation with someone. Try it first at home, by yourself. Just practice having different conversations. Then try it on people you know. Really make an effort to step out of your box. If you don't, you'll never move ahead. You have to get out of your comfort zone in order to learn or change anything. But start slowly, and work your way further out of your comfort spot. Often it's easier to just run back to where you're comfortable, but that's not fair to yourself. Try having as many conversations with people as you can. I know that sounds strange, but it'll work. Ask the person behind the counter at your local store a question about something random. Like, which "blank" do you think is right for "whatever".. Just keep doing that, and you'll eventually get to a point where you feel comfortable with talking to strangers. Remember to try to speak a tad bit slower when you're in a situation like you were, so your brain can process what you're going to say before you say it. Practice does make perfect, and confidence is also key. Good luck!

Answer 2

Try reading "Getting to Yes" -- it's about negotiating. It will help you learn how to have a discussion with others and get what you want. Also try joining Toastmasters, which will help you become more comfortable speaking in public, which will help when things are more difficult, like in arguments. You also need to figure out what's going on emotionally with you, because this sounds like an emotional problem not a physical problem.
Good luck!