Ok, so I am dating a wonderful man BUT he doesn't have very good etiquette. I love him dearly and he is very open minded when I talk to him about things that bother me. But I work in a high end architectural firm which I love very much. We have a company party that will be very extensive and semi-formal. I'm worried about how to address my boyfriend about his manners and etiquette at this party.
He is a jeans (mostly holey) and t-shirt kind of guy, has his septum pierced, and goatee. I'm not sure really how I can tell him "gently" about my concerns. He has shown me in the past when I come to him about this stuff he's very sensitive about his manners. Help me!!!
2006-12-08 08:56:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok after reading several responses, maybe I should be more clear. I love him, could care less what he looks like. Not trying to change him, just asking him to be a bit more reserved one night for me. He has no issues with doing this for me, because he knows this party means a lot for me and he loves me very much.
The etiquette I was talking about was, slurping his soup, not using a napkin at dinner, burbing out loud...things that in a formal setting shouldn't be done. Does that make sense?
After reading some feedback from everyone I feel like I am being placed into the ***** category when I am not trying to change this man!!!
2006-12-08 11:17:12 · update #1
I think all you can do is let him know that it will be a FORMAL (stress this) event where even you (add some humor to it) might feel a bit uncomfortable. But you're inviting him because you love him and want him to meet the people whom you work with everyday and whom you've mentioned so frequently. If he loves you as much as you love him, he will make that extra effort to not embaress you. Trust him!
2006-12-10 17:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel2312 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he makes you happy and he has my vote of confidence for it. Be open with him. Tell him that some of the people there might freak at his appearance, I'll tell you what - put a suit on him and let him ride it out - I don't think he will let you down. Of course since it is others that you have to worry about then maybe a little white lie won't hurt - the following are jobs I think you can say he does that will keep people off his back: (1) undercover narc/special crimes unit detective with (insert city, county, state, or fed agency here; (2) recording artist or Jazz music sound engineer who has worked with (insert listening party's likely favorite band here); (3) theatre anything - except actor - (i.e. director, playwright, set manager; (4) movie anything - except actor; (5) finally amateur athlete (if he's fit - pick things like soccer or rugby - not american sport). Good luck - and take him anyway - to hell with the status quo.
2006-12-08 09:08:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is going to be the best policy here. He may surprise the hell out of you and your bosses and co-workers may enjoy his openness. I also am a little rough around the edges (as my fiance says) but am quite capable of speaking at any level with anyone. Tell your man what you would prefer he not discuss and/or say and I'm certain he will honour your wishes. Besides a lot of these stuffy shirts that you work with will probably envy your man for the freedom he is so easily able to expose, as they cannot. Good luck and have a great time at the party with your man.
2006-12-08 09:02:24 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be fine as long as you let him know how " stiff " it's going to be ... make sure he knows exactly what to expect that way he's not nervous or feeling awkward ... try to help him out with what to wear - don't push the fact you think he has poor etiquette ... push the fact you want him there no matter what type of party it is & you can trust him to be on his best behavior ... my man is a tractor driver - tee shirt & jeans - lip ring & lots of tattoos ... and I'm bringing him to my Christmas party ... I work with nothing but Sales Reps, Escrow Officers & Title Reps ... Real Estate agents and more ... it can be pretty intimidating ... !
2006-12-08 09:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that if he is as open as you claim that he will gladly act like a gentleman for a single night for you. Etiquette is not innate, but neither is being a pig. He isn't going to pick up how to fold his napkin properly and which fork goes with which meal in a night, but he will learn how to keep a low profile. Relationships need compromise and he should be willing to help you look good at your company party.
2006-12-08 09:00:59 · answer #5 · answered by jazzman1127 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just make him think that it is the most dullest party on earth & go with a girlfriend. It's a lot easier than trying to change someone in less than a couple of weeks.
ps - it really doesn't matter how you feel about the way he looks - you probably should have address that a long time ago - before you gave him your number
2006-12-08 09:00:40 · answer #6 · answered by FeeLnUFeeLnMe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last year I was dating a woman that I didn't know if she would fit in at some of the events I have to attend. She surprised me and dressed very elegantly and carried herself beautifully...people can surprise you at the darnest times.
This year I'm going solo...care to fly to San Fran and help me out?
2006-12-08 09:01:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let you're boyfriend be himself. After all, that's why you're dating him, right? Women that are "embarrassed" by their boyfriends usually want to change them into someone their not. That can only lead to disaster down the road. Take him for what he is, a "unique individual" and be proud of who he is, not what he's wearing.
2006-12-08 09:07:52 · answer #8 · answered by Stella D. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be you have underestimated your man.
If he is the cave man you describe why are you with him?
Are you ashamed of your man?
Perhaps it is your values rather than his etiquette you need to ponder.
But to answer your question just tell him your career has many fancy types and he needs to look good and behave himself.
2006-12-08 09:00:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you will feel more comfortable not having to attend to his needs while attending socially to your bosses etc. It will be a fairly quick in-and-out event and many of your friends are not bringing spouses, BFs, etc...
I know its a lie, but sometimes gentle lies are better than truths.
2006-12-08 09:00:40 · answer #10 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋