Am I overreacting?

Question

I have written about this previously, but I am still having issues with this. Well anyway, Iike I wrote previously, I am currently studying with the Jehovah Witness' and went and got married to a man who I was dating for over a year. We were told that we were not to be dating and to break contact until we became firmly planted. (baptized) Well we continued to see each other (we both kept this a secret) and we were having sexual relations. To make a long story short, the sister I study with is very upset that I didn't tell her that I was being intimate with this guy, and She felt I should have come and shared this with her. I say no I shouldn't have. She told me how dishonest I was and how it reflects on the congregation and so forth. She hasn't even congratulated me, I mean she is really upset... I'm starting to feel discouraged about even joining the Witness' if my life has to be an open book and especially how she has addressed me on this particular issues. Is she too aggressive?

I guess I was dishonest about seeing him when I was. But that only came about after I told her husband who is an elder and he went to the elders at my husband's congregation.

Answer 1

However disappointed a Jehovah's Witness teacher may feel at the mistakes of her students, the teacher should put these mistakes in context. A person who is merely studying (and has not been baptized or qualified to participate in the formal ministry) is still an "unbeliever".

Such a student has not made a formal commitment to uphold Jehovah's standards, meaning that the person has neither the responsibilities nor the privileges of being a Jehovah's Witness. It is understandable that a teacher would be disappointed if his lessons had failed to sufficiently impress God's standards upon his students. Especially if the teacher believed that the student was making good progress in respecting and obeying the bible, any lapse by the student might sadden the teacher greatly.

Jehovah's Witnesses do not generally stop studying with a student who commits a serious sin, but they do discontinue the study if the student demonstrates a continuing pattern of disrespect for Jehovah's will. A student who had been approved as an unbaptized "publisher" would likely be dis-approved by congregation elders if the student commits serious sin, but the student could not be disfellowshipped (allowing future bible lessons). Of course, an unrepentant baptized Witness would be disfellowshipped for serious sin.

In any case, the best place to regain one's spiritual 'bearing' as it were, is in association with the Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses. The counsel they provide unfailingly reflects the Scriptures and the will of Almighty Jehovah God.

Learn more:
http://watchtower.org/e/19880415/article_01.htm
http://watchtower.org/e/19970101/article_01.htm

Answer 2

Yeah, you are overreacting. Your teacher is upset that she didn't teach you well enough, because fornication is a pretty basic no-no.

If your just a student, there's no reason to tell the elders anything about your sex life. Once your baptized, the elders just want to know that your repentant if you sin, and that you know how to stay strong the next time. They can't have someone trying to seduce all the young people in the congregation. I'm telling you right now that if you plan to keep fornicating, Jehovah's Witnesses do not want you getting baptized.

Answer 3

We are all imperfect and make mistakes. Now, did she overreact? The more important question you should be asking yourself is how did Jehovah feel, how did he react? Remember Proverbs 27:11.... it is not about us. There are going to be problems that arise in the congregation, we all offend eachother from time to time. However, when we make a mistake, the best thing we can do is "own it". It was YOUR choice to have premarital sex, that choice "belongs" to you. And along with it, you have to accept all of the consequences of that choice, they belong to you. Sometimes there is discipline that comes along as well. Are you mature enough to handle the discomfort? No discipline is pleasant, but in the end, if we learn from it, and grow, it is beneficial. Everytime some conflict comes up, ask yourself, am I going to stumble on this and leave Jehovah, or am I going to use it as a stepping stone, learn from it and grow. This is your choice now, you can stumble over your teacher's reaction, or you can use this experience as a stepping stone.
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2002/11/1/article_02.htm

Answer 4

First of all, congratulations on being married. Now, shouldn't a church have love for you rather than criticism? You share things with people you trust, and apparently the "sister" can't be trusted for any compassion and understanding, and neither can your church, from what you've been telling us. They don't have to condone what you've done, but how has that kind of response helped you? And, if this is all going to be public knowledge, then you have some decisions to make as to whether you will be comfortable with the congregation from here on out.

Answer 5

Her behavior is typical of a Jehovah's Witness. I'm shocked that you are surprised by this. This is a preview of what your life will be like once you are actually a baptized JW. They are extremely invasive. Many years ago, their congregations actually consulted the Watch Tower Society in New York as to what sexual positions were acceptable to JW's. This is no joke. Your life will absolutely be an open book and the behavior of you and your husband will be closely scrutinized. I assure you of this.

Answer 6

Most of them are like that. They will be in ever aspect of your life. And you may want to watch... she may tell the congregation about what was going on and this may cause you to lose your "place" so to speak.

It wasn't dishonest of you to NOT tell them. It would have been dishonest if you told them you weren't seeing him like that but were. Depends on how that came about. But it does NOT reflect on the congregation... that's an emotional tactic I have seen many churches use on people to keep them in line with their way of thinking. It only reflects on you and the man. The congregation has NO part in your relationship like that.

Your life will have to be an open book for them to accept you as an equal. I used to to study with them as well... of course, they ended up leaving me alone... they didn't like my questions.

Yes, she is too aggressive, but expect that from many others in the group... especially the "Elders".

Answer 7

First of all, get a real bible and read it and compare it to the one that the JW puts out and would have you believe.

Next, read about salvation and Gods plan for you and learn this apart from religious views, just God and you.

You will find that your life is to be given to God, not your church or religion.

From what you have written, according to the bible, having sex before marriage is wrong. It is nothing that you can change now, so it is no longer an issue.

I wish you would get away from this non biblical group, but if you feel that you cannot do that, please at least start a study with another church and compare them and Gods word and you will be led to which one is Gods truth and which is not.

Answer 8

Get used to it. The Jehovah's Witnesses are a very controling group. They demand to know who you are with and when, why, and what you did. Is your BF a Witness, too? If not, they may not allow you to remain married to him since they don't even allow members to talk to outsiders in some cases.
What differentiates a religion from a cult? I guess the answer's different for everyone, but I'd get as far away from the JW's as I could.

Answer 9

Is your husband a Witness, and if so, was a Witness before you were? If so, he should have known better than to be having sex with you when premarital sex is scripturally wrong.

As for the sister you were studying with, I can see why she would be upset. She's working hard to help you bring your life into harmony with God's standards and you're undermining her efforts the whole time.

Your life doesn't have to be an open book, but in a sense, you've put her in a bad situation. You've made a choice to go against scriptural principles, but you didn't give her the choice to decide whether or not to continue studying with you. In essence, she's been spending time with someone who knows that their actions are wrong. That being the case, while she thought you were striving to make yourself approved by God, in reality you were being deceitful and putting her in a bad situation spiritually. Christianity is based on love of God and neighbor. You showed a lack of love for God by being disobedient to him, and you showed a lack of love for the sister and for the congregation in putting their spirituality at risk. The Bible says that we should guard our association because "bad association spoils useful habits."

Lying is not something looked upon with favor by God. Of course, most people know that. But telling the sister you weren't seeing each other while you were keeping a sexual relationship secret is a betrayal of trust as well.

Look, no one needs to know specific details about anything to do with your sex life or, for that matter, your personal life. But if you're going against Bible principles by leading a double life, you should at least show a little agape and let her make a decision whether to continue studying with you or not.

We all make mistakes and suffer from periods of poor judgment. We're imperfect and its bound to happen to one degree or another. The point is not that you make mistakes, but that you show a little humility by acknowledging that you've made a mistake, show a repentant heart attitude, take responsibility for the mistake, get God's viewpoint on the matter (talking with an elder is a great way of getting help in this area...that's what they're there for), ask for forgiveness and then deal with whatever consequences you have to deal with. God helps us deal with whatever we face as long as we're trying to do things the right way.

Your attitude in how you handle the situation is going to be the real test of your faith here. You can either acknowledge that your actions weren't good and take responsibility for them (which should probably include an apology to the sister), or your can take on a haughty or rebellious attitude by being offended at the sister for having been offended by your wrong actions and deliberate deceit.

Jehovah's Witnesses really care about people and the more they study with you and get to know you, the closer that spiritual bond becomes. Basically, when you have a study that is progressing along, you're being given the priviledge of helping them gain the prospect of eternal life. Nothing is more satisfying than that. But there is nothing more destructive to a relationship than lies.

I don't know if what I'm saying here will have a positive effect on you, but I hope that you'll carefully and prayerfully consider everything, taking into consideration the sister's point of view as well as Gods before you make any decisions about whether or not to continue in your studies.

As a final note...I'll keep you in my prayers and maybe I'll see you in the new system. If so, we can have a good laugh about how imperfect we were. ;)

Agape!

Answer 10

Jehovah Witnesses are a VERY conservative sect of Christianity. I think that this does not jibe with you and you will continue to have problems with other JWs and the living up to their expectations. I think you will find this religion rather restrictive but then I am making that judgement based on one Yahoo question so I don't know how accurate that is.